


Atelophobia

by Yurioniceepisode10



Category: yuri on ice
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, Cuddling, Fluff and Angst, Foreshadowing, Kissing, Multi, Panic Attacks, Self Confidence, Self Esteem, cute dates, demisexual biromantic Yuuri, ive never done this before am I doing it right, sorry - Freeform, supporting each other, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-08 19:14:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 77,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8857528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yurioniceepisode10/pseuds/Yurioniceepisode10
Summary: Atelophobia: The fear of not being good enough.••All his life, all that mattered to Yuuri was being good enough. Expectations were sky high for him, and that was slowly tearing him apart. He wanted it to stop. He wanted everything to stop. He didn't even know who he was anymore. He was so scared of failure and disappointing people, it was driving him insane. Yuuri often isolated himself from everyone. He didn't like people helping him because he felt as if he was letting them down. He felt empty. He felt worthless. When viktor turns up at his doorstep and begins coaching him, he tries his best to push him away, but discovers that viktor is quite persistent. And attractive. To Yuuri, viktor was like an angel in so many ways. He could never repay him for helping up





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay hiiii,  
> I published this on wattpad and it Got quite a few reads so I'm going to try on here too, I've never published anything on here before so bear with me please. Anyway, sorry for the grammar mistakes, I haven't actually read over this for two months.
> 
> Anyway enjoyyyy

The Night. Darkness. The dark was the only thing that made Yuuri feel safe. It wrapped around him like a blanket, blinding him from the memorieis around him. He liked that. He didn't want to be reminded of the things that had made him this way.

The morning. How Yuuri yearned for the morning. The nights were terrible. Long and daunting. They filled him with terror. They were absolute torture.  They opened doors in his mind that he didn't know existed. Behind those doors where things that haunted him. Voices. Questions. Doubts. Fears.  
Maybe he didn't feel as safe in the darkness as he thought he did.

Yuuri dragged his body out of him warm, cozy bed and got dressed. It took so much effort to get up each morning when he had no motivation to do so. For years and years he'd struggled to find motivation and purpose, but he'd been unsuccessful so far. Why did he bother? Why did he put himself through so much pain when it was for nothing? What was he holding onto to stay alive?

He shook his head and pushed his thoughts to the back of his head. He couldn't be dealing with it today. He was too vunrable. Three sleepless nights in a row had led him to the point where he could just drop on the floor in exhaustion and lay there and not care.

He grabbed his coat and bag and hurried out of his house. He made his way across the bridge and up to The Detroit ice rink. He opened the door and inhaled the scent. It was a scent that he'd become used to over the three years that he'd trained there. 

"Yuuri! What are you doing here this early? It 6:30am!" Ashley, the owner Called from behind the counter.

"Is it okay if I skate for a bit? I want to practice for a bit before I go to study."

"Yeah sure! By the way, have you been sleeping alright? You look awful."   She Asked. Since he'd moved to Detroit to train, they'd become really good friends.

"Oh, thank you." Yuuri replied sarcastically.

"Oh nono I didn't mean in that way! I get worried about you, honestly now." 

"I'm fine. Thanks for asking." He replied before sitting down and tying his skates. He proceeded to walk out to the rink. He stepped on carefully and skated to the middle. 

Who am I doing this for?  
Why am I even skating in the first place? He thought to himself.

The Grand Prix Was coming up. He had a month until qualifying started. He'd been put in the Russia and Japan cups. He was up against his idol in the first cup. Viktor

He didn't stand a chance.

That's what saddened him the most. He tried and tried to be the best he could but he failed each time. He was so scared of not being good enough it was eating him alive. Everyone expected too much of him. He was a 21 year old student who too insecure and anxious for his own good and happened to be good at skating.

He tried to express himself as he skated his routine, but the only emotion he could seem to express was sadness. It kind of made him feel better. Skating was a way to let out his emotions, we was lucky that he didn't have to keep them all bottled up inside. If that were the case he'd probably already be dead.  On the other hand, he didn't like to show people how truly vulnerable he was. He was weak, and he could bear the thought of anyone else finding that out.

It was a pity that his chosen theme for his year had been happiness and love. The only two emotions he couldn't express. The two he didn't know the true meaning of. Yuuri would never know what love was. No one would possibly love him. Not for all the stars in the universe.

What a life I'm living Yuuri though as he finished his routine. Self confidence is key to being successful and I haven't got an ounce of it.

He quickly got off the rink and placed his skates back in his bag. He thanked yuko before leaving the building. He'd be back later to train with his coach and phichit anyway. 

He looked over at the sunrise as he crossed the bridge again. It was beautiful. He stopped for a moment to admire it. A few birds came into view, flying freely through the sky.

How Yuuri wished he could be as free as them.

Because at the moment he felt he was chained down in the harsh reality that was his life

\----  
Started writing: 27th of October  
Finished writing: 28th of October  
Word count: 785  


Thank you for reading, chapters will be longer I'm just starting out at the moment so the first few should be short and probably really shit tbh

Have a good dayyyy!


	2. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: if you are triggered by panic/anxiety attacks you might want to skip this chapter. I know this isn't perfect but I've just written this off my experience so I'm not saying it's the same with everyone who has panic attacks and all of us experience them like thisssss

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Next Up: Yuri Katsuki!" The voice on the announcer rang through the rink. 

Yuri froze. He'd been training for this free program for months and months. The sickening feeling grew in his stomach. His hands fumbled together as he stared down at them. Yuri had noticed that he'd developed a habit of doing so when he felt uncomfortable or nervous. 

He took a deep breath and turned to his coach.

"You can do this Yuuri." He said simply before signaling that it was time for him to enter the rink. 

Bullshit Yuri thought as he entered the rink. The crowd cheered as he skated to the middle of the rink. You know well enough that everyone else is better than me.

All eyes were on him. The crowd had gone silent. Yuri's heart was beating furiously. His palms grew sweaty as he waited for the music to start.

He felt so self conscious standing in the middle, alone.  All eyes were on him. He couldn't stand the thought of that. Everyone expected so much of him. He was so afraid to disappoint them, but he knew that everyone else was better than him. 

The music stared and Yuri began his routine. Sadness. Anxiousness. Disappointment. Those where the only emotions that Yuri could express, despite his themes being happiness and love. He was giving off an aura in his skating that filled everyone's hearts with sadness. Yuri was great at expressing his emotions through skating, wether he knew it or not.

Thankfully, he landed his first triple toe loop perfectly and carried on. He skated around the rink gracefully as the music flooded his ears.

His second jump, a triple axel, was okay but he came out of it slightly wobbly, Causing him to panic.

Shit shit shit shit Yuri thought to himself. He started to panic more. He just wanted it to be over. The crowd could feel how desperate he was. He conveyed his anxiousness and sadness as he skated through the middle of the rink. Him desperation only filled the crowds desire for more. The second half of his routine went okay, or at lest better than he thought it would have.

Viktor is somewhere watching you right now. He must think you're pathetic. The voice inside Yuris head told him.

"Make it stop." Yuri whispered to himself with tears in his eyes as he approached the end of his routine.

He finished the last quad ever so slightly wobbly and began the combination spin.

What kind of skater are you Yuri 

You practiced all for nothing

Your mother will be disappointed 

You'll never be good enough.

"This is pathetic." Yuri hold himself as the last notes of the music rang out.

A cheer from the crowd made him smile slightly before exiting the rink. He pulled his skates off quickly and shoved them into his bag, leaving him barefooted.

"Yuri! Well d-" his coach started but Yuri just stood up, grabbed his bags and ran straight for the bathroom.

•••

Yuuri slid down the door of the cubicle he had locked himself in and began bawling his eyes out. He was so disappointed in himself. He could skate so much better than what he'd just done. He'd made a massive fool out of himself and everyone was there to see him fail. 

He didn't want to see the Scores because he already knew who'd come last and who'd won. Viktor was there to see him fail. Oh god, what did he think of him now? 

Yuuri started hyperventilating ever so slightly. He felt as If all the oxygen in the world was being drained from him and everything felt as if it was closing in on him. He slapped a hand across his mouth in attempt to stop, but if anything it just made it worse. His phone vibrated suddenly, making him jump. He picked his phone up with his shaking hands and read the notification.

From: Izo Suoh❤️

How did the competition go? Did you win?

Yuuri threw his phone across the floor and buried his face in his hands. He was going to have to tell his boyfriend that he'd failed. Yuuri knew what that meant. And he was dreading it.

He began feeling really dizzy because the lack of oxygen he was getting. 

Breath yuuri He told himself. He waited a few minutes to try and calm down. He tried breathing regularly but breaths kept getting stuck in his throat as he thought back. 

Fuck this isn't working. I need some fresh air. He thought to himself as he started becoming desperate. I'm going to fucking die. 

He picked up his phone from where he'd thrown it to before unlocking his cubicle. He'd have to sprint out to get passed all the people without getting stopped. 

He couldn't take a deep breath like he normally would before doing something, because he couldn't fucking breath. He grabbed his bag and legged it out of the bathroom. He was immediately greeted with loads of people. He kept his head down and ran for the entrance. 

"Yuuri!" He heard someone call from behind him. He didn't know who, but he didn't care. He was to busy trying to squeeze past all the people. His vision kept blurring ever so often, which was just great. His costume (which was dark blue with sliver and turquoise sequins all over) was very noticeable in amongst all the other people that surrounded him. 

"Yuuri!"

"Katsuki!"

He heard his name being called all around him. He felt as if he was drowning in the sea of people that he was in.

It was getting worse. He felt like his chest was on fire and his throat was raw and hot tears streamed down his face. He just wanted everything to be over.

"Hey watch where you're going!" Someone yelled at him as they slammed into him, sending him flying and into another person. Luckily whoever was behind him caught him.

"I-I'm so-sorr-y." He chocked. He turned around to see his coach looking at him worryingly.

Oh shitshitshit yuuri thought to himself. He ran faster than he ever had before out of his arms and through the crowd. A huge relief washed over him and he reached outside. He ran around the building where no one could see him.

He leaned against the wall and inhaled all of the oxygen his lungs would let him at the moment. He could feeling himself getting dizzier. He was glad hardly anyone could see him from where he was, and those who did couldn't have cared less. He just wanted everything to be over. It was like someone was squeezing his throat. He could breath properly no matter how hard he tried to calm down. 

He heard one of the back doors opening and a few muffled footsteps following. He didn't take much notice to begin with. Yuuri just hoped they'd ignore him. 

"There are so many paparazzi people at the entrance, god. The competition was good today. They were all great skaters. We'll have to start preparing for the final now." A thick Russian accent cane from behind yuuri.

Oh yes 

Yuuri knew he hadn't made it through to the next round. Heck, he knew it even before he started. Why was he so shocked to hear that? Why did he bother anyway? He'd never won anything, heck, he'd never been close to winning anything.

"Yuuri? Your name's Yuuri right?" A confused voice came from beside him. He turned quickly to see him standing there. Viktor standing looking at him as if he was the most tragic thing on earth.

"V-vik-to-r?" Yuuri tried to reply. Yuuri cupped his face in his hands and sobbed. He was so disappointed in himself. He'd let his idol see him in his most vulnerable state. Viktor dropped his bags and ran over to Yuuri

"Yuuri? Yuuri? Are you okay?" He asked him.

Yuuri nodded because that's the only response he could give. 

"No you're not. Just try and breath in for around six seconds, hold your breath for a few seconds and then release for six seconds. Try it with me." Viktor encouraged him. It took at few tries, but he began getting the hang of it. 

It took a good ten minutes but yuuri finally calmed down. He sat down on the floor with viktor standing over him.

"Do you feel better now?" Viktor spoke with his thick Russian accent which yuuri found secretly adorable.

Yuuri nodded. He looked up at viktor and thanked him. Yuuri was a bit on edge with his idol just casually hanging around with him but he was really great full to viktor for helping him.

"You were great today Yuuri. It's a shame you didn't get through. You're good at conveying your emotions." Yuuri blushed at the compliment.

"You were amazing, you deserved to win. Good luck in the final." Yuuri said quietly.

"Thank you. I'll do my best. I better get going. Dasvidaniya."

He got up and waved before walking off. Yuuri was secretly squealing inside due to the encounter. He was embarrassed and hated every minute of it. He was so thankful to viktor for being there though. He just understood him, He was very greatfull.

He took a deep breath and walked back into the building. He was instantly bombarded with questions from his coach. He politely told him that he didn't want to talk about it. He headed into the changing rooms and changed into his usual clothes. He then grabbed his bag and left. They had a long flight back to Detroit from Russia now. 

Yuuri hated flying because it made him realise how insignificant he was in this earth and to everyone around him. Yuuri hated the fact that everything he'd done and would do was going to Be pointless and worthless in a few years. Why did he try so hard? Nothing he'd ever done was going to be helpful or significant to anyone so why did he bother? 

Yuuri pushed his thoughts to the back of his head, or at least tried. He could save them to later and then self destruct when he was alone and without anyone around to see how truly vulnerable he had become.

••••  
Started writing: 2nd of November.  
Finished writing: 5th of November


	3. Torn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: huiuuuiuu I know some details in this chapter are wrong so I'm sorry but I'm trying to get the storyline to work out so uhhhhhhhh. Thank you for reading anyway!

••••

The next two years if Yuuri's life went by in a flash. Between graduating from his college in Detroit, to loosing at the Grand Prix Final against Viktor, it was safe to say that Yuuri was a completely different person than two years ago.  
From a lonely college student over thinking everything to a professional skater filled with self hatred, sadness, anxiety with no confidence whatsoever.

In all honesty, Yuuri was in the worst state of mind he'd ever been in. He was torn between giving up staking for good or pursuing his so far life long dream. He wasn't eating, sleeping or looking after himself. He couldn't have cared less. Not about his mental or physical health and condition. Yuuri started suffering from nightmares too. Even though they didn't happen very often (maybe once week), he'd be up for nights replaying the images his brain had created. 

His confidence dropped too. Yuuri didn't know how it could have gone lower than it already was, but it did and it wasn't nice at all. After the Grand Prix final, any motivation he'd previously had was gone. He hadn't Practiced for weeks, and even though it didn't sound like much time, for Yuuri it was a very long time. 

Yuuri sat on the bench beside the skating rink, ice skates on and ready to go. Except he couldn't. He was completely drained, both emotionally and physically. He didn't have any energy or motivation to pick himself up and onto the rink.  He sat with his face in his hands, rubbing his already bloodshot eyes. It was only when he felt a presence next to him did he look up, only to see Phichit looking down on him.

"Yuuri. What's been bothering you over the past weeks?" He asked his best friend. 

"Nothing. I'm fine don't worry." Yuuri answered. He looked up at Phichit and with every ounce of effort, smiled ever so slightly.

"Yuuri, cut the crap. If you were okay you'd be out on that rink skating with me. We all know something's up. Have you and Izo broken up?"

Yuuri laughed slightly.

"I wish. But no. It's nothing like that." Yuuri answered him.

"Seriously Yuuri, if you dislike him that much you need to break up with him. There are thousands of guys and girls who will treat you better than he ever has." Phichit rambled.

"Phichit. It's not that simple." Yuuri scratched that back of his head. "Anyway, I'm fine. I'm in perfect health, seriously." He tried to convince him.

"Jesus Christ Yuuri! You are in anything but perfect health! You're all skin and bone, you have massive purple circles around your eyes, and your eyes are bloodshot! When was the last time you ate properly?" Phichit shouted, drawing the attention of some people.

"Uhh..." Yuuri thought back. "A-around  Tuesday..." 

"Jesus Yuuri it's Saturday. I'm going to get you something to eat from the cafeteria. Stay here, and don't you dare think of moving." Phichit got up from where he was sitting and left the room. 

Yuuri let out a huge breath . He didn't deserve people like Phichit. They were too good for him. He didn't understand why they were friends. Phichit was so fun and caring and sweet. He couldn't have asked for a better best friend. But at the same time, he wished that they'd never met because he was way too good for Yuuri. 

 

Celestino came walking towards Yuuri. He gulped and took a deep breath. He knew what he was going to ask. He took a seat by Yuuri and sighed.

"Struggling with inspiration I see." He broke the tension between them.

"Yeah, something like that." Yuuri muttered back. 

They stayed silent for awhile, both trying to think of what to say. Yuuri was dying inside, he really was. He fidgeted with his fingers in his lap while waiting for the right time to tell his coach.

Yuuri took a deep breath.

"I want to go back to Hasestu."  He announced.

"I guessed." His coach answered. There was another brief silence before Yuuri spoke again. 

"It's been 5 years since I saw my family last. I miss them a lot? Not that I haven't enjoyed being in Detroit, but I feel like I'll regain at least some inspiration by going back."

"That's fine. I take it you'll be quitting here then?" His coach asked.

"I'm not sure. I might return, if it's okay. It depends how things go." Yuuri replied. "Thank you for coaching me for these past years. I won't forget you. Thank you for being so good to me." 

"It's nothing. Just doing my job. Promise me something, Yuuri? Promise me you'll carry on skating."

Yuuri smiled.

"I'll try."

••••

After agreeing everything with his coach, Yuuri headed to the cafeteria. He spotted Phichit by the till, paying for some things.

"Phichit!" Yuuri called his best friend, who turned around immediately and headed toward him with a pot of pasta and a ham sandwich in his hands. They sat down by a table and phichit handed him the pot of pasta, which he opened immediately. He picked at it to begin with. He dint really feel like eating, but with his best friend glaring daggers st him, he started eating it properly.

They sat in silence for most of their dinner. Yuuri was quietly planning on how to tell him that he was leaving. He decided to just flat out tell him.

"I'm moving back to Hasetsu next week." Yuuri broke the silence.

"Oh." Was Phichit's response.

"I haven't seen my family in 5 years, you know? I miss them."

"Mmm. Promise we we'll still keep in touch Yuuri? I care to much about you." Phichit laughed.

"Yeah of course, i promise I'll try and text you everyday." Yuuri promised.

Yuuri played cool, but knew once he got back to him apartment, all hell would break loose.

•••••••

"Hey, I'm home." Yuuri called out one he'd entered his apartment. He slowly closed the door behind him and made his way into the living area. He was immediately greeted with his boyfriend who pulled him into a hug.

"How was your day?" He taller male asked Yuuri. 

"It was okay. Look, Izo, I have something to tell you, and I know you won't like it." Yuuri said bluntly. 

"What is it?" He replied in a stern voice.

"I'm moving back to Hasetsu next week. I need to see my family."

"Oh. Okay then." Was his response. Yuuri let out a sigh of relief and slipped out of his boyfriends arms.

"I take it I'm coming with you?" 

Yuuri froze 

No. Tell him no. Yuuri told himself. He didn't want him to come with him. It was complicated, and Yuuri knew that all too well. Relationships where supposed to be happy and loving, so why did he feel a relief every time they were separated? Why did he hate every moment they spent together?

"I take it that's a yes then! Can't have my boyfriend talk to anyone else can we now?" Izo chuckled before kissing Yuuri's cheek. "Oh, also, Make food for me again tonight."

"A-actually I have to pack..." Yuuri muttered while playing with his fingers.

"What did you say?"

"I said I have to go and pack. I'm busy." He replied a little more aggressively.

"What about me? Do you only think about yourself?" Izo questioned him.

"N-no I-"

"I'm busy Yuuri can't you see!? Unlike you, I have a proper job, and I'm good at it. I have better things to do than practice for something I'll never succeed in. You never listen to me do you? You're too self centred." He yelled at him before walking off.

Yuuri closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He'd learned to deal with Izo's sudden outbursts over the past four years they'd been dating. He was terrified of him in all honesty, terrified of what he'd do to him if he made one wrong move. Even the littlest things set Him off. He noticed that he'd gone into the office of their apartment and let out a sigh of relief. Yuuri walked over and up the few steps to their bedroom and pulled two suitcases out. 

He quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket and searching for plane tickets to Hasetsu. It took a good twenty minutes but he finally found some affordable ones scheduled for Monday. It was only a day away but that was fine. Since they were only renting out the apartment, they'd have to call the owner to inform him that they were leaving.

Yuuri got straight to work and began packing all of his and his boyfriends clothes. It took him a good half an hour, but he got there in the end. He checked the time quickly. 5:58. 

Yuuri cursed at himself and quickly ran down to the kitchen and started cooking some food. He knew he'd be in for hell if he didn't, so he quickly found a pot of curry sauce, chicken and rice. I wasn't much, but it was better than what he'd have if he didn't make anything. Ten minutes later, Yuuri had finished the cooking and was sat down at the table with a bowl in front of him. He had placed the other one on the other side of the table for Izo. 

He patiently waited for his boyfriend, and in the mean time let his glasses steam up with the heat coming from the bowl.

The only thing on his mind now was his family. He'd already informed them that he was coming home, and they seemed excited. Yuuri was already a ball of nerves, and he hadn't really had time to think about it. 

He was nervous to introduce his boyfriend to them. Of course, his family was more than aware that Yuuri was a flaming Bisexual and accepted him with open arms, but Yuuri knew that they wouldn't like him. He was torn. He felt as if he was chained down. 

It was a sensitive matter when it came to Izo. Yuuri knew well enough that he suffered from anger issues, and was more than willing to support him through it. But Yuuri also knew that Izo shouldn't take his anger out on him. For years he'd just excused it, but as his confidence began to drop, he was all too aware it was because of his comments and actions.

"Don't eat that, you're fat enough all ready."

"I'll smash your phone if I ever see you texting anyone other than your parents or me."

"You never win anything, so why d'you bother skating?"

"You look horrible in that costume. It makes you look really fat."

"Stop crying, you sound like a girl."

The list went on and on. Yuuri could have written a book on all the times he'd insulted him. The thing that hurt Yuuri the most though was when he used his weaknesses against him. Izo knew that Yuuri was extremely self conscious and had a low self esteem, but constantly used those things against him.

Another sensitive subject for Yuuri was femininity. Yuuri knew that being masculine wasn't for him, and hated the thought of it. Yuuri tried to embrace his femininity, knowing that it was normal for some boys to feel that way. That's all Yuuri wanted was to feel comfortable in his own skin. Izo knew of this all too well, and would often call him out for being to feminine or doing things "like a girl." 

Yuuri didn't know what was up or what to do. He was torn, because he Knew that Izo wouldn't let him leave him but was painfully aware of how unhappy he made him.

"Yuuri." Yuuri was snapped out of his thoughts by Izo calling him from the other side of the table. "I told you to stop ignoring me."

"Sorry, I was just thinking." Yuuri mumbled and began picking at his food. He honestly couldn't bring himself to eat anything properly in front of his boyfriend. All the remarks about his weight echoed in his head. His weight was a sensitive subject for him, due to the fact that he gained it so easily. The worrying thing was, Yuuri would go days on end without eating, just to avoid the snarky remarks. Yuuri knew it wasn't good for his health, but it was the only way.

"I bought the plane tickets. The bags are packed. I'll phone the landlord later." Yuuri said quietly. He decided that he didn't want anymore of his curry so got up and threw half of it in the bin.

"Good."

"I'm going out for a bit. I want to clear my head." Yuuri said. He grabbed a coat quickly and headed outside.

"No talking with any boys or girls, okay Yuuri?" Izo warned him .

Well who the fuck do you want me to talk to then? Yuuri wished he could reply to him, but didn't.

The minute he was out the door, he text Phichit to tell him to come and meet him in the local cafe.

Yuuri walked down the streets quickly, in amongst all the other people around him. Yuuri often wondered what other people's life stories were. It was amazing that every single person on earth had a different story. In a way, Yuuri found it incredible, but on the other hand, it made him realise how pointless his life was. There were so many other people better than him. So many people with greater abilities and personalities.

And that completely terrified him, because all that Yuuri wanted was to be good enough. But he was only too aware that he would never be.

\------

Started writing: 5thNovember  
Finished writing: 6th November


	4. Goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is kinda short, Enjoy!

••••

Yuuri sat down quietly in the booth by the window of the café. His hands were warmed by the cup of coffee he was holding tightly in his hands. He took a quick sip before setting it down gently. He tapped his fingers on the wooden table, anxiously waiting for Phichit to turn up. Yuuri's mind automatically jumped to the worst case scenarios. What if he'd forgotten? What if he just didn't want to meet up with him? Had he had enough of Yuuri's antics over the past few weeks?

Yuuri had drank half of his coffee before his best friend turned up. He quickly sat down and threw his coat off. Yuuri smiled at him. He was going to miss him so much.

"Sorry, I was in the middle of eating my food." Phichit quickly apologised.

"Oh don't worry, you don't need to apologise. I'm sorry if I pressured you or dragged you I-"

"Yuuri, calm down. Everything's fine, it's nice we can meet up one last time. You don't need to apologise, honestly." Phichit interrupted Yuuri's little ramble to try and calm him down. 

Yuuri ran his hand through his raven hair. He had a lot on his mind. Amongst the worry of returning to Hasetsu and seeing his family for the first time for half a decade was the worry of leaving Detroit. He'd been living here for all of his adulthood so far, he wasn't sure if he could deal with another massive change in location for the second time so early in his life. Amongst all this, the little voice in the back of his head had been bugging him for a few days now. He was terrified that he'd let his family down, or that they were disappointed in him. The whole reason that he'd moved to Detroit was to pursue his skating career, but all the time he'd been there, he hadn't achieved anything.

"Yuuri. There's something bothering you again. You're fidgeting with your fingers." Phichit snapped him out of his trance.

"I- I'm fine. Honestly." Yuuri replied. 

The thing about Phichit was that he knew Yuuri so well. He could tell when Yuuri was nervous, sad, anxious, tired and over thinking, all by the little habits he'd picked up on. For example, Yuuri would constantly fidget with his fingers if he was anxious or had something on his mind, if he was sad he'd rub his eyes a lot and give very short answers in conversation and If he was tired he'd constantly rub the back of his neck. Those were only a few things that he'd picked up on over the years.

"Are you gonna get anything to eat?" Yuuri tried to change the subject, and Phichit gave him a glare, knowing what he was trying to do. 

"Meh, I might get some carrot cake and a latte. You?" He replied. "You've got to eat something."

"I'm fine thank you, I don't fancy anything anyway." Yuuri politely declined the offer but with the look at his best friend was giving him, he knew he was going to have to eat something.

"Why don't we share a slice of carrot cake Yuuri?" Phichit suggested. 

"I gain weight too easily though."

"That doesn't mean you can't eat, silly. Plus, think of it as one of your goodbye gifts from me." Phichit winked at him as he left the booth to go and get something. 

Yuuri smiled to himself. He was so glad that he had Phichit. He could never express how grateful he was for their friendship. Yuuri took another sip of his now lukewarm coffee and then checked his phone. A certain notification from a certain someone made his heart leap.

@V-Nikiforov: Any ideas for themes for next season?

There was a photo of him attached which made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. It was just a simple photo of him skating, just landing a jump. To Yuuri, everything about it looked perfect. Everything about Viktor was perfect to him. From the colour of his hair and eyes to the emotion he put into his skating routines, Yuuri thought he was flawless. Of course, Yuuri knew all to well that Viktor probably had insecurities like everyone had, he just wanted to learn how he dealt with them. 

"Yuuri. Here you go." Phichit once again snapped him out of his trance but this time by placing their cake in front of him. Phichit peered over to see what Yuuri was looking at as he did so and let out a small chuckle.

"Drooling over Viktor again I see?" His best friend laughed.

"Hell yeah. Have you seen him lately? He looks so goddamn hot." Yuuri replied quite boldly.

"Jesus. That's a side of you I haven't seen for a while. It's nice to see you positive Yuuri." Phichit smiled. Yuuri just hummed in response and continued to scroll through his Instagram feed.

Phichit giggled and quickly snapped a photo of him. He sneakily uploaded it and then set his phone down. He waited a few moments before Yuuri finally got the notification. It was quite amusing for Phichit to watch his best friend turn into a tomato over the course of a few seconds.

@Phichit+chu: guess who's drooling over Viktor again?

"Phichit!" Yuuri laughed, drawing the attention of some customers. "Take it down oh my god!" 

"Serves you right." He joked. "Nah I'm only joking. I'll delete it now if it makes you uncomfortable." 

"Thank you." Yuuri breathed. Despite all the joking, Yuuri was terrified in the back of his mind. What if Izo saw the photo? What will he do to me?

Yuuri's phone began to ring, making both his and Phichit jump out of their skin.

Izo Suoh❤️

"Oh shit." Yuuri muttered. He looked at Phichit with an concerned expression. "Wait a minute."

He answered it.

 

"H-hello?" Yuuri spoke immediately.

"Where the hell are you?! You told me you were going for a walk!" Izo shouted down the line.

"Uh- I-I was, I just bumped into Phichit on the way. This is the last time I'm going to see him." Yuuri stuttered.

"I don't care. You know I clearly warned you not to talk to any men or women. You deserve what's coming for you. I want you back here in 5 minutes sharp." Izo said harshly before hanging up.

Yuuri dropped his phone onto the floor and cupped his face in his hands.

"Yuuri I'm so sorry this is my fault." Phichit immediately launched himself at Yuuri, pulling him into a warm hug.

"It's not don't worry." Yuuri said before picking up his phone. "Well, I guess this is it."

Silence.

Phichit pulled Yuuri into another hug and began crying slightly.

"Oh my god Yuuri I'm going to miss you so much. Thank you for everything over the past five years. You're the greatest friend I've ever had. Promise me we'll still keep in touch." Phichit cried.

"I should be the one thanking you. I promise I'll try and call you or text you everyday." Yuuri sighed. "I better get going then."

 

"Yuuri. If anything happens, call me, okay?" Phichit told him best friend.

"I will, don't worry." Yuuri half smiled. "I'll see you whenever then." 

Yuuri waved at his best friend before walking away. He turned and waved at him one last time before breaking into a run down the street. It took him no more than four minutes to reach his apartment. I waited outside for a moment to catch him breath. He gulped.

With shaky hands, he pulled down the handle of the door and pushed it open. He could see his boyfriend standing in front of him clearly, arms crossed and fire in his eyes. Yuuri closed the door quietly and proceeded to pull his coat off and hang it up before turning to face Izo.

"Where have you been?" Izo asked sternly.

"I-I've told you, I ran into Phichit so we went to have a coffee together. I won't see him again." Yuuri spoke shakily.

Yuuri didn't even have time to think before he was slammed into the Wooden door behind him.

"What did I tell you about going out with other people?" He yelled through gritted teeth. Yuuri stayed silent.

"Give me your phone. And from now on I'm coming with you to everywhere. Do you understand me?" His voice boomed through the apartment.

"But I needed stay in touch with Phichit or-"

Smack.

A fist hitting Yuuri's jaw was the last thing he remembered before the collapsed on the floor.

"What part of it don't you understand?" He yelled before picking Up Yuuri from the collar of his shirt. "Have I made myself clear enough?" 

Yuuri nodded.

"Good." Izo said before letting go of Yuuri and Walking off. Yuuri dropped to the floor again and began to cry. He covered his face in his hands to try and stop tears from falling everywhere. 

He picked himself up and made his way to the bathroom. He immediately looked in the mirror, his hideous image staring back at him. His hair was all over the place, his eyes were bloodshot and there were tear marks down both of his very red cheeks and his lips were chapped. On the bottom right did of his jaw was a huge red mark. Yuuri ran his fingers over it quickly and flinched. There would definitely be a red mark there in the morning. 

Yuuri slid down the wall of the bathroom and sat there with his face in his hands. Did he deserve all of this? Was he really as worthless and stupid as Izo made him out to be? Yuuri wasn't sure of the answer, but he spent the whole night on the bathroom floor trying to figure it out.

\-----  
Started writing: 7th of November   
Finished writing: 9th of November


	5. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. The next one will be better I swear. The main plot starts in the next one. Hope you're all having a great day!
> 
> Anyway enjoy and and thanks for reading!

•••••••••••••••••

Leaving Detroit was one of the hardest things Yuuri had ever done. The thought of possibly never returning to a place where he'd made a life for himself   Over the past five years was crushing. He'd made so many amazing friends, more than he ever had back in Japan. There was nothing he could do now anyway. He'd made the decision to leave and that was final.

As the plane that they were traveling landed, Yuuri began to feel sick. Even though he had earphones in to distract himself from thinking too much, he could still hear the little voice in the back of his head telling him that he was worthless and that he had made the wrong choice.

After getting off the place and retrieving their bags, Yuuri and Izo went to the cafe to get something to eat. Yuuri hadn't spoken to Izo properly since Saturday night, and he wasn't planning to for a while. Yuuri had managed to retrieve his phone by sneaking into Izo's coat pocket when he was sleeping, but he knew he was going to have to keep it hidden. He had texted Minako to come and meet him at the Hasetsu Train station around 1:30pm. They had an hour and a half to catch a train to there.

"We better go. We're catching the train at 12:30." Yuuri announced before getting up from the table and walking away with his bags in hand. Izo followed after him. They caught a cab to the train station, luckily it was only 5 minutes away. Yuuri payed the driver and walked into the station. Both sat down on a bench and began reading train times.

"Our one should be here in 7 minutes." Yuuri spoke before getting up. "I'm going to the toilet. Can you look after my bags please?"

"No. I'm coming with you." Izo insisted. Yuuri tensed up and turned away from his lover. He grabbed his bags before proceeding to walk onto the men's toilets with Izo watching him like a hawk. Yuuri carefully placed his bags down and entered a cubicle. Of course, he didn't actually need the toilet, he just needed some breathing space away from Izo. He'd been down his neck since Saturday and was constantly watching Yuuri in some shape or form. It made Yuuri so uncomfortable, there were no words to describe his feelings.

He took his phone out and checked his messenger. Nothing. Yuuri opened the camera app and turned it to face view. Tilting his head in a few different positions, he examined the massive purple mark on the far right side of his jaw. It was disgusting. Yuuri knew he'd brought it on himself. He was ashamed. He quickly checked the time and realised that their train should be arriving any minute. 

He fumbled around for a few seconds before shoving his phone into the pocket of his coat and then flushing the toilet to make it seem like he'd been. He quickly exited the cubicle and washed his hands. He then picked up his bags and ran out of the toilets. Luckily, the train was just about to stop. They both jumped on and quickly found two seats. They shoved their suitcases by their feet and sat back.

Yuuri started out the window as the train traveled out of the station, and examined the landscape around him. After about ten minutes, Green fields and trees surrounded him as he gazed in awe at the city he'd grown up in. He could nearly see the sea over the top of the trees. It warmed his heart being back in his home country. He felt warm and fuzzy but also a little sick. He was so scared to see his family again.

A hand grabbing his is what made his snap out of his daydream. He looked over at Izo to see him holding his hand and gently caressing it. Yuuri blushed slightly and turned away.

"Yuuri, don't ignore me." He sighed. "What's up now?"

"You know damn right what's up." Yuuri muttered quietly so that it was inaudible to his boyfriend. 

"Hmm. Hasetsu seems like a nice place." Izo changed the subject. "I could get used to this."

"The next stop will be Hasetsu train station. We will arrive in approximately 10 minutes." The announcer rang.

Wow, ten minutes went by fast. Yuuri thought to himself. He looked out the window again. He could see the sea more clearly now. It was a stunning turquoise colour, and the glistening sun and the trees around it made it look like a scene out of a movie. It was absolutely breathtaking. Hasetsu castle was now in view too and Yuuri started to squeal internally. It had been so long, so so long since he'd last seen these things and until now, he hadn't realised how much he'd missed them.

"Is this where you grew up?" Izo asked.

"Yeah. There's an ice skating rink by the castle, so I've always had somewhere to practice near my home. I can't wait to tell my family about Detroit!" Yuuri rambled. He shut up when he realised he'd gone completely off the point.

"I can't wait to meet your family either. Oh, and Yuuri? Any word about Saturday and I'll make sure you regret it. Do you understand?" Izo whispered.

Yuuri stopped for a second. Of course he nodded, only cause he had too. But memories of that night were still only too clear in his brain. 'Do you understand?' Had become some sort of trigger now, and could send him off to all sorts of hell. That night he'd learned why he hated himself so much. That night he learned why his boyfriend did what he did to him. That night was the one he spent all night on the floor pondering whether to carry on or not. Whether to just quit everything. And to others, it might have seemed over sensitive and dumb, but to Yuuri, it was like an open bullet wound.

The train came to an abrupt stop all of a sudden and the announcement rang again.

"Now stopping at Hasetsu train station. Thank you all for traveling with us."

Yuuri grabbed his bags and followed Izo off the train. They went through the barrier and stopped at the main entrance. Yuuri had an itching urge to check his phone for the time but knew that with Izo right beside him, he couldn't. He looked around for Minako for a good 5 minutes, but finally spotted her by the entrance.

"Minako!" Yuuri yelled to grab her attention. A few people turned their head towards him, but not Minako.

"Minako!" He shouted slightly louder. Once She'd turned around and seen him, she came running towards him.

"Yuuri! Welcome back! Did you miss me? How have you been?" She fired questions at him all at once.

"Yes I've missed you, I've been good thanks." He answered patiently.

"Jesus Christ, what happened to your face?" Minako questioned as she poked the massive bruise, causing Yuuri to flinch. He felt Izo squeeze his arm slightly before he answered.

"O-oh, I just fell and hit it on the side of the rink a few days ago." He replied.

"Why am I not surprised? Anyway, Who's this guy?" Minako asked, tilting her head at Izo.

"Uh- that's my boyfriend." Yuuri stuttered.

"Boyfriend?! Yuuri got himself a boyfriend?" Minako laughed. "Just kidding. Congrats both of you. Listen, we better be getting back, your parents are eager to see you." She guided them both to her car. 

Yuuri's house was no more than 5 minutes away. Just by driving back to his house, he could clearly Remember all the memories he'd made in Hasetsu before he'd left. Nothing had changed over the years, and Yuuri was glad about that. He didn't like change, especially with things that were close to his heart. They pulled up at the hot spring and got out of the car. They hauled their bags inside, where Yuuri's parents were waiting for them.

The moment Yuuri was through the door, he was wrapped into a warm hug by his mother and father. He had t even had the chance to say hello. But that was okay, no words needed to be spoken now to convey all of their feelings. Yuuri wanted it to stay like that forever, with no worries in the world. Just love. But he knew it was nowhere near as simple as that.

\---

Over the next few hours, Yuuri had unpacked quickly and went for a soak in the hotspring. He'd found it surprisingly easy to settle back into his home city. He'd gone for a quick walk after finishing his pork cutlet bowl. It was just like his teenage years where he didn't have to worry about a thing. But of course, so many things had changed since then.

Yuuri took a deep breath and slid down so the water was covered his mouth, but he could breath through his nose. His glasses started steaming up and he sighed. He had so much in his mind, he was glad he was alone. He was torn between giving up skating or pursuing his dream. He wanted to make his family proud, and be good enough to make himself happy, but it was easier said than done.

Izo was out in the city in his new apartment. They'd agreed that it would be best of him to live in the city while Yuuri stayed with his family for the time being because it was within walking distance of the ice castle. It was also handy for Izo because he'd applied for a job in the city. It was also handy because Yuuri felt extremely uncomfortable around him now

Being back home was a dream for Yuuri. He never thought he'd get over loosing at the Grand Prix final, he imagined himself sulking in his room for the rest of his skating days. He didn't think he could find any motivation to do anything again. After a good half an hour, Yuuri got out and wrapped a towel around himself to keep warm. 

He gazed up at the stars above him with awe. Yuuri would never fail to be amazed at the thousands of starts that were above him. Even if it sounded stupid to others, it gave Yuuri a sense of safety and warmth. He then adverted his gaze to the city beneath him. The glowing city lights never failed to take his breath away. 

He'd really missed Hasetsu. He doubted that he'd ever leave again.

\----

March had come and gone, and by April, Yuuri had pretty much forgotten that he'd ever left his hometown. Everything seemed so ordinary, it was hard to believe that he'd only return less than a month ago from a five year trip. He could navigate his way around the city like the back of his hand. 

One place that Yuuri had missed the most was the ice castle skating rink. Just from hearing the name Yuuri could bring back the feeling of skating and training there from his childhood. He'd been to visit everyday, and spent hours skating there everyday, despite not having a coach.

Even though it had been over a month, Yuuri still couldn't find any inspiration. He was as good as dead. He didn't know what was pulling him back, but Yuuri wanted to get rid of it as soon as possible. For weeks, he'd had countless sleepless nights, tossing and turning in his bed trying to think of something, something to feed inspiration off. But he knew only too well that he had nothing. Nothing in the slightest.

Izo and him were doing okay. Their five year anniversary was coming up, and in all honesty, Yuuri couldn't be bothered for it. They'd been out on a few dates, they hung out as often as they could, which was rarely (thank god). Yes, Yuuri did like him but he had developed a massive fear of Izo. Wasn't he supposed to love him? Was it normal to fear your lover? He'd had a few hits and punches here and there when he didn't listen, but Yuuri had normalised that by now, and besides he assumed that every relationship was like that. But how wrong he was. How wrong of him to stick around Izo, when to other people it was obvious that they'd developed a really unhealthy relationship. One that could leave a massive scar on Yuuri if Izo one day went too far. Physically and mentally.

Yuuri had called Izo on a cold April afternoon to announce that he wanted him to see something. It took some convincing, but finally Izo budged. Izo was always reluctant to agree to do anything related with ice skating. He thought it was a waste of time, and that's something that saddened Yuuri. Was he not good enough for his boyfriend to support him?

Once he showed up, Yuuri guided him to the rink where Yuko was already waiting. He entered the rink with his heart beating like a drum. Was he ready to do this? 

Yes he was. 

"I know this isn't much but I've been practicing this since I lost at the Grand Prix final." Yuuri spoke before taking his position on the ice. 

You better appreciate this, I'm missing viktors performance at the nationals for this Yuuri wished he could tell them, but decided against it because it was rude.

"This is viktors program 'stay close to me'" Yuko gasped.

He began skating with everything he had. He wanted to show them he hadn't given up on skating. Not just yet. He Just needed the right motivation. He landed his first quad perfectly, and skated beautifully throughout the whole thing. He landed all of his jumps flawlessly, and made it look simple. It came to an end quickly, and when he turned to Yuko, she was already bawling.

"What was amazing! That was a perfect copy of viktors routine!" Yuko cried.

"T-thank you." Yuuri blushed. He wasn't used to receiving compliments.  
He turned to his boyfriend looked half amused. 

"It was okay I guess." He commented.  
Yuuri stepped off the ice and undid his laces. He was immediately greeted with Yuko's triplets, unaware that they'd been watching him too. 

"Uh- hi." Yuuri greeted them awkwardly. They just giggled at him which was kind of Creepy, but Yuuri brushed it off quickly. "I'm heading back home. I'll see you both tomorrow." 

He quickly gave Izo a kiss on the cheek before grabbing his bags and skates and exiting the rink. He decided to jog all the way home, which proved difficult with all the weight of his bags.  
He was breathless and worn out by the time he reached home. He greeted his parents and then immediately headed to his room and collapsed onto his bed. It had been a long day 

He took his phone out of his pocket and realised he had loads of notifications. He typed in his password and logged into twitter to see what all the hype was about. He scrolled for a good few minutes before coming to an abrupt stop.

Yuuri froze.

There was a video of him. A video of him skating to 'stay close to me'. 

"What the fuck." Yuuri cursed as he scrolled through his feed. "Nononononono." The video had hundreds of views and retweets.

"What the fuck." Yuuri repeated again.

The thing that worried Yuuri most was the fact that Viktor could see it. It was out there, just waiting for him. Yuuri began to panic. Viktor could see how pathetic he was. It scared Yuuri to death. What would viktor think of him?

He decided that turning his phone off for the night and ignore all of his notifications. He was awake all night worrying about the video. Yuuri felt awful. His chest felt like it was on fire, and he felt as if the world was closing in on him. He turned onto his left side and tried to get some sleep.

He was ashamed.

He was so ashamed of himself.

And embarrassed.

Little did Yuuri know that it was only the beginning of the crazy things to come. 

But the main question was: 

Could Yuuri handle it?

••••••  
Started writing: 9th of November   
Finished writing: 11th November.


	6. A new beginning

•••••

When Yuuri woke up the next morning, all weary and irritated, the only thing he wanted to do was to curl up into a ball and forget about everything. The last thing he wanted was to have to engage in conversation with someone. He wasn't in the mood.

So when Minako burst through his bedroom door at 10:24am (which was way too early for Yuuri's sake) to tell him that his hot Russian idol was naked in the hot spring, Yuuri hadn't completely realised what was going on. He just told her to go away and then went back under the covers to sulk and pity himself again. He was deprived of any motivation to do anything anymore.

"Yuuri, I don't think you understand. The Viktor Nikiforov is in our hot spring and he wants to see you." Minako yelled as she tried to pull him out of bed.

"Go away, you're probably mistaken." Yuuri mumbled and pulled away from Minako's grasp.

"Yuuri, you better get your ass out of bed before I drag you out." She huffed. "Fine, at least come and get some breakfast with me." She gave in. Yuuri pondered for a minute before replying.

"Fine, but only for breakfast." Yuuri huffed. Minako nodded her head and left the room. Yuuri turned to his bedside cabinet and reached for his glasses. Unfortunately, he accidentally swiped them off the side and they fell onto the floor. Yuuri huffed.

So it's going to be this kind of day he thought to himself. With every ounce of energy he had, he lifted himself up and sat on the edge of his bed. He reached for his glasses off the floor and slowly slid them on. He then threw on a pair of old black jeans and a short sleeved black shirt. He chucked his black jacket on too, hoping to keep some warmth due to the cold April morning. 

He made his way downstairs and into the kitchen. Before he could greet anyone, a large poodle knocked him off his feet, sending him flying backwards. The dog began licking Yuuri's entire face as he tried to pry him off. 

"Tch, silly animal." He laughed to himself as he stroked his ears. "Wait, you look familiar." 

Yuuri pondered for a little while. 

"He looks exactly like Vicchan did." He mumbled to himself sadly. He rubbed him under his chin, guessing that he liked it. "So, what's your name?" Yuuri smiled while flipping his collar around.

"Makkachin. That's a nice name!" Yuuri chirped. Dogs made him so happy. The could lift his mood instantly. "Hang on, that sounds familiar..." Yuuri suddenly realised.

Yuuri's father appeared a few seconds later and smiled at the two while leaning on the doorframe.

"There's a hot foreign guy in the hot spring, he wants to see you. He looks familiar. Can't remember from where though." Yuuri's father informed him before trudging off again.

"Hang on..." Yuuri whispered to himself while getting up slowly. He walked quickly towards the hot spring before breaking into a run. He burst through the door before coming face to face with someone he though he'd be this close to again since what happened two years ago.

Viktor was right in front of him, quietly humming to himself as he soaked in the onsen. Yuuri stared with his mouth open for a few seconds, before realising what he was doing. He quickly shut his mouth and blushed. Viktor looked so perfect. Even if he was just lying casually in Yuuri's family's hot spring, he never failed to take Yuuri's breath away with his beauty. His silver hair was glistening in the sunlight and his turquoise eyes were shimmering and full of life. And of course, his perfectly sculpted body was on display, making Yuuri fantasize things that he really shouldn't. Yuuri quickly shook his head and slid back inside, hoping that Viktor hadn't noticed him. Unfortunately he was out of luck.

"Yuuri, I see you!" Viktor called him in his adorable accent. "Come here for a sec!" 

He hesitantly stepped back outside and was face to face with his idol once more. Oh shit oh shit oh shit Yuuri thought to himself why on earth was he in Hasetsu?

"Yuuri, you look troubled. Tell me what is wrong." Viktor said ever so sweetly.

"Why are you here?" Yuuri suddenly blurted out of nowhere. "Imsorryididntmeanitlikethat-" He quickly apologised."

"Yuuri, starting today I'm going to be your coach. I'll get you to the Grand Prix final for sure." Viktor winked at him before standing up.

Yuuri couldn't believe it. 1.) Viktor had just announced that he was going to be coaching him and 2.) he was fully naked in front of Yuuri and by God was he perfect. Yuuri had to try so hard not so swoon over viktor in front of him, and desperately tried to keep his cool. 

"W-what?!" Yuuri yelped.

"You heard me right." Viktor smirked at him. 

"But I haven't skated properly in months..." Yuuri mumbled and began fumbling with his fingers.

"Well we'll have to change that, won't we?" Viktor smiled, leaving Yuuri stunned. Did this man have an answer to everything?

"E-excuse me..." Yuuri replied quietly before taking off into a run. He dashed up into his room and locked the door behind him. He bundled himself up in the corner of his room. It was the only thing he could think of doing.

Why had Viktor come all the way from Russia to coach him? From all of the people he could choose, he chose Yuuri? Yuuri had never been a skating genius or prodigy, so why the hell was Viktor here for someone like him?

Maybe Yuuri was surprised because for once in his life he'd actually been noticed by someone. We was used to people forgetting about him or abandoning him because of his personality and lack of talent. He'd come across many people that left him because he wasn't good enough, and that had built up so much that Yuuri was terrified, so so terrified that he would never ever be good enough and eventually everyone would leave him. Yuuri worked himself sick sometimes to make absolute sure that his routines were perfect, but he always messed them up in competitions, so then again all the hard work had all gone to waste. Yuuri was just an extra, a background character in all the excitement of the competitions. He was just there for people to laugh at when he failed. His existence was of no importance to anyone else, so why didn't he just stop already?

A knock on the door is what made him snap out of his thoughts, not realising that he'd been lost in them again.

"Yuuri! Come downstairs for a minute I need to talk to y- hey, wait? Are you crying?" He recognised the voice as Minako's.

"Go away." Yuuri replied.

"Yuuri, open the door for me please." She said softly.

"Leave me alone." Yuuri yelled. 

In all honesty, that was the last thing Yuuri wanted to happen. He was petrified of being left alone, and despite him pushing everyone away, he wanted to scream don't leave me alone at them, but he knew he couldn't because he'd built this image of himself that told people that he didn't want anyone to get close to him or to befriend him, but he was the total opposite of that. He needed someone to talk to and he needed a friend, but he didn't want to come across as greedy or attention seeking. And Yuuri knew that bottling up his feelings was a very unhealthy thing to do, because one day everything would overflow and he only person he'd be able to take it out on would be himself.

\------

Yuuri carefully made his way downstairs around two hours later, his eyes red and puffy and his cheeks stained with tears. He made his way into the living area where he was immediately stopped because Viktor was asleep on the floor. Makkachin was also cuddling with him and the both of them looked absolutely adorable together. Yuuri couldn't quite decide who was cuter, Viktor or Makkichin, but he decided to side with Viktor since he didn't think he could actually date a dog. Not that he had any chance of dating Viktor, but Yuuri could fantasize.

"Yuuri! Where have you been? Have you heard the news?" Minako immediately yelled once she noticed the skater was down from his room.

"N-no..." Yuuri mumbled.

"The press are saying that Viktor saw the video of you dancing to his routine and was so inspired that he decided to come to Japan to coach you. You Yuuri brought the Viktor Nikiforov to Japan. Do you know how amazing that is?" She rambled on. 

Yuuri wasn't sure if he believed her. How could he, an underlying skater bring the single most famous skater ever to coach him? It just seemed so stupid. 

"Yuuri, you look as if you've been crying, are you alright?" Minako asked him hesitantly. Before he had the chance to answer, Viktor had awoken from his little nap and was staring right at them.

"May I have some food, please?" He asked politely. Yuuri began to panic. He needed to satisfy Viktor or he might leave any minute.

"Y-yes of course! What would you like? We have plenty of choice! Would you like a drink too? I can get you whatever you-" Yuuri babbled. Viktor giggled.

"Yuuri, calm down. Since I'm going to be your coach, what's your favourite food?" Viktor questioned Yuuri. Yuuri's heart swelled up at the mention of him being his coach.

"Uh- well I like Pork cutlet bowls a little bit too much..." Yuuri admitted while scratching the back of his head.

"Well then, pork cutlet bowl it is!" Viktor announced while grinning at Yuuri. Yuuri could have melted right there and then. He couldn't deny that he had a little crush on Viktor, but knew that he shouldn't because he already had a boyfriend and they'd been going strong for 4, nearly 5 years. Still, he felt something for Viktor but didn't know how to explain it.

\----

Later that day, Yuuri headed up to the ice rink without letting anyone know. His anxiety had been eating away at him slowly throughout the course of the day, so he decided to take it all out by skating.

"Yuuri! Is it true that Viktor's going to be your new coach?!" He was immediately greeted by Yuko as he entered the building.

"Uh- yeah it is." Yuuri replied quietly.

"Holy shiiiii- that's amazing!" She stopped her self from cursing.

"I know right." Yuuri giggled. "D'you mind if I skate for a bit?"

"No, go ahead." She replied. Yuuri thanked her before sitting down to put his ice skates on. He took his phone out to check the time only to be greeted with loads of notifications.

11 missed calls from Izo Suoh❤️

39 texts from Izo Suoh 

3 missed calls from Yuko❄️

"Oh my shitting god." Yuuri panicked as he quickly typed in his password.

You're gonna be in deep shit Yuuri. He told himself as he pressed the 'call back' button and put his phone to his ear.

It only took two rings before Izo answered.

"Yuuri, what the hell have you been doing all day? I've called you eleven times and you still can't answer me. Have you been cheating on me? Yuuri, answer me!" His boyfriend yelled through the phone.

"Sorry, it's been on silent all day! And I haven't been cheating on you, do you really have that little faith in me?" Yuuri replied angrily before slapping his hand over his face. He really shouldn't have said that.

"You just wait, Yuuri." He replied.

Yuuri gulped.

"Why did you call me so many times?" Yuuri asked him.

"I heard you got a new coach. I wanted to congratulate you. What's his name again? The old grey haired one?"

"He's not old! He's only 27! And his names Viktor Nikiforov." Yuuri said in a matter-of-fact way. "Anyway, I've got to go and practice with Viktor now." Yuuri lied.

"I swear to god if there's something going on between you-" 

"I've only just met him for Christ sake!" Yuuri sighed.

"I'll make sure he knows you're mine. Talk to you later."

Yuuri sighed again. He hated, absolutely hated Izo sometimes. He didn't know why he had such little faith in him, but it honestly tore Yuuri that someone as close to him as Izo had no trust in him.

Yuuri got up and pushed the thoughts to that back of his mind like he always did. He was glad to find that no one was currently at the rink. He could skate alone for now. He began practicing a few jumps and step sequences that were currently of no significance to him. He just needed to get his feelings out, and skating was the best way for Yuuri. He loved that the was no one around to watch him dance around the rink, and no one to watch him when he failed.

But this time, unknown to Yuuri a certain silver haired male was there, and oh boy did he love to watch Yuuri skate.

\----  
Started writing: 11th of November.  
Finished writing: 13th of November.


	7. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *if you're uncomfortable with like slighty (I mean really reallly slight) sexual actions then I suggest you skip this chapter*  
> A/n: heyyy I'm sorry this is kinda shit, Also I can't write even the slightest of sexual things I'm so uncomfortable (I don't even know if you'd consider it sexual to be honest) so I'm sorry.

••••••

Later that afternoon, after Yuuri had returned home from his skating session, he was ordered to help Viktor unpack all of his things. He helped carry all of his boxes and bags into the room he'd be staying in. Yuuri wasn't sure if he'd quite wrapped his mind around the fact that Viktor was going to be living and coaching him. Yuuri was constantly on edge become was so desperate for Viktor to stay with him and not leave him like so many people had before.

"Thank you Yuuri. That'll be all." Viktor thanked his new pupil. "Now, I'd Like to get to know you better." 

Yuuri's heart started beating furiously as Viktor started edging closer to him until they were literally two inches from each other. Yuuri grabbed Yuuri's chin ever so gently with his warm hands. Yuuri was pretty sure his heart could have stopped in that moment.

"Tell me everything, Yuuri. What music do you listen to when you're sad? Do you listen to the rain at night? Are you intrigued by the stars at night? We have all the time in the world Yuuri." Vikor cooed. Yuuri was blushing so hard, he was sure Viktor could see it.

"One second..." Yuuri muttered before getting up and bolting out the door. He stepped outside and breathed in the cold evening air. He'd been so close to Viktor, he couldn't handle it. All those times he'd fantasized about Viktor, they couldn't compare to what had just happened.

Yuuri's phone started Vibrating suddenly. He pulled it out of his pocket to see his boyfriend's caller ID on the screen.

"Hello." Yuuri answered dully.

"Yuuri, can you come over tonight please? None of my colleagues could come over so I decided to ask you." His Boyfriend pleaded.

"I was going to practice with Viktor tonight..."

"See Yuuri! You never make the for me, you're the reason that this relationship is falling apart!" He spat at him suddenly. It scared Yuuri that his mood could change so quickly. He was right. Yuuri hadn't made time for his boyfriend over the past few weeks, what kind of boyfriend was he?

"Okay then. I'll be around 6:30" Yuuri gave in before hanging up. He constantly felt as if he was walking on broken glass. One wrong move and he'd end up with something serious. 

Yuuri quickly checked the time. 5:51. He quickly ran inside and up to his bedroom to find some decent clothes to wear. He'd have to catch the bus to Izo's apartment, which was twenty minutes away from Yuuri's house. He quickly slid on a pair of his best jeans and found a white dress shirt. He rummaged through the bottom of his wardrobe and found a navy knitted jumper and threw it on. He adjusted his collar and then made his way out of his bedroom. He now had  half an hour to get there and he knew he couldn't be late because his life literally depended on it.

He was about to go and inform his parents that he was going out until someone grabbed his arm and spun him around. He was once again face to face with Viktor, and he wasn't in the slightest prepared for it.

"Where are you going dressed so nicely?" He questioned Yuuri, eyeing his outfit.

"Uh- just to see my b-boyfriend..." Yuuri said quietly.

"You have a boyfriend?!" Viktor gasped. Yuuri's heart sank. He probably thinks you're disgusting now. Of course, most Russians hate queer people Yuuri thought to himself and began to panic. "That's great! How long have you guys been going for?" Viktor chimed.

Yuuri Let out a huge sigh of relief. 

"A-almost 5 years..." Yuuri said shyly.

"Woah, congrats! Well I better let you go. Enjoy!" Viktor winked at him. Yuuri's heart swelled. Viktor caused him to experience a feeling that he'd never felt before, and Yuuri had no idea in hell what to call it. 

He quickly informed him parents about where he was going and then quickly ran down the street to catch he bus. He waited for the bus to pull up before hopping onto it and finding a seat.

Despite having lived here for the most of his childhood, Yuuri was fascinated with the city lights. He'd fallen in love with them. They always shone like small fairy lights, covering the city. And when he looked up, they cluster of stars above him shone back at him. Yuuri was lucky that there were only a few city lights around his house because the stars shone even brighter there and they looked a whole lot more beautiful.

The bus pulled up and Yuuri dashed off it and down the street until he reached the block of apartments. He had visited Izo a lot in the passed month but still wasn't used to the stairs he had to climb to get up there. He looked at the time on his phone before knocking on the door. 6:27. Yuuri sighed in relief.

Yuuri immediately knocked on the door and was greeted by his boyfriend a few seconds later. He closed the door behind him and then was pulled in for a hug. He gave Yuuri a quick kiss on the lips before letting go of him. He guided him into the living room and they both sat down on his couch.

It was moments like these that made Yuuri reconsider his relationship with Izo. Was he asking for too much out of a relationship? Why did Yuuri feel so unhappy sometimes when they were together? Why did Yuuri feel like he had no breathing space? Why did he feel as if he was constantly walking on broken glass? Sure, Izo had left more than enough bruises and scars on him, physically and emotionally, but was what normal? Yuuri was so inexperienced in the field of relationships that he didn't know the difference between right or wrong. The only thing he knew was relationships were supposed to be happy and loving.

"Yuuri, answer me!" Izo yelling at him is what snapped him out from his thoughts.

"W-what?" Yuuri asked as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose so they were sitting more comfortably.

"I asked you how is training going?" Izo said with an irritated voice while combing his hair back.

"G-good, I'm starting with Viktor tomorrow." He replied with a shaky voice.

"If I find out that something's going on between you two, I swear I'll make you pay-"

"Izo, I only met him this morning." Yuuri huffed.

"I'll be checking your phone tomorrow to make sure that you haven't been texting him, understood?" Izo warned him. "Oh, and I know you got your phone back. I'm not stupid Yuuri."

"Y-yeah..." it was the only reply he could think of giving. He couldn't emphasise how uncomfortable his boyfriend made him sometimes. A little freedom is all he asked for, and we was currently being deprived from it.

"Good. Now let's just cuddle for a bit." Izo chimed before burying his head into Yuuri's neck and wrapping his arms around him.

It was going to be a long night.

\----

The next day went by agonisingly slow for Yuuri. His first skating session with Viktor had begun, but Yuuri had no idea how to act around him. It was like having a god in presence. He watched, dazzled as Viktor skated around the rink freely. Yuuri's eyes shone as he watched his coach land a few quads and toe loops. He was just so stunningly beautiful in everything he did, Yuuri was fixated on him.

As Viktor approached him after finishing his warm up, Yuuri automatically became anxious and began fumbling with his fingers. 

"Yuuri, come here for a second." Viktor told him. Yuuri gulped before entering the rink and skating to the side where Viktor was currently perched. "Is there something bothering you?"

Yuuri didn't know how to answer, because Jesus Christ there was, but he'd never openly talk about it. Yuuri constantly had something on his mind, but he couldn't explain it in a way that other people would understand. To put it simply, he was petrified.

\----

"Yuuri, do you love me?" Izo asked out of the blue as Yuuri was sipping his drink, causing him to start choking on his juice and spit it out.

"Why are you asking me out of the blue?" Yuuri questioned after he'd finished choking.

"Don't you think it's time for us to try something a little more...intimate?" Izo suggested while moving up to kiss Yuuri's jaw.

"W-what?!" Yuuri asked, not sure if he heard him right.

"C'mon Yuuri, you know what I mean." Izo purred.

"I-Izo, you know I'm uncomfortable with stuff like that..." Yuuri pushed his boyfriend off him and tried to move away from him, only to be pinned down by him. Yuuri's heart skipped a beat.

"It's nearly been 5 years Yuuri... don't you think it's time to try something new?"

"Izo...no..." he said sternly as he tried to kick him boyfriend off him. His heart was beating furiously.

"Don't you love me?" Izo questioned as he tried to crawl back to Yuuri.

"Godamn it Izo I'm not ready to have sex with you!" Yuuri yelled bluntly and threw his boyfriend off him. "You're making me uncomfortable..." 

"Have these past five years meant nothing to you? Tell me!" Izo got up a few seconds later with a fiery glint in his eyes.

"No it's just-"

"No is your answer to everything Yuuri! You're fucking pathetic, you know that? You're damaged goods. You're fucked up. I've told my work colleagues about you and they all pitty me because I have to put up with you!" Izo suddenly lashed out and threw Yuuri on the floor, causing him to hit his head on the corner of the table.

Yuuri let out a cry and stared back at his lover. He was right. He was fucked up. Why did Izo even put up with him?

"Sh-shut up!" Yuuri blurted out suddenly. He looked his boyfriend in the eyes and knew all hell was about to break loose. There would be more than just a few scars and bruises left after what he was in for.

\-----

"Yuuri! I asked if you're okay?" Viktor lightly shook Yuuri, causing him to flinch. 

"Y-yeah I'm fine" Yuuri replied. Viktor gave him that look where it was like saying I know something is wrong but I don't want to make you uncomfortable. In that moment, Yuuri knew that Viktor was going to be one of those people who could read him like a book and over time, would know him better than he knew himself.

"Did you hit your head somewhere?" Viktor asked in a confused tone. "You have a massive gash in the side of your forehead." 

"I-i just fell out of bed in the night and hit it on my nightstand..." Yuuri began to play with his hair. He'd developed a habit of doing that. Yuuri had a lot of subtle little habits which revealed his emotions, and half of them he was unaware he was actually doing. Little did he know that in future, Viktor would pick up on them. And that would be a devastating blow to Yuuri's way of hiding his emotions.

"Ah, I've got a clumsy little one?" Viktor raised his eyebrow at Yuuri.

"I guess..." Yuuri laughed while playing with his fingers.

"Don't worry, we can fix that." Viktor winked at him. "But there are other things we can't..." he trailed off.

"Okay, lets practice some quads together, shall we?" Viktor smiled at him before him and Yuuri resumed practice.

\----

"Hey Phichit!" Yuri chimed. Both of them decided to Skype since they hadn't seen each other in forever.

"Hey Yuuri! How are you? How's Hasetsu?" His best friend replied.

"I'm okay thanks. Hasetsu's great, I didn't realise how much I missed this place until I came back."

"Good to hear. It's always good to be back home." Phichit smiled.

"Yeah. How's Detroit by the way?" Yuuri asked.

"Ah- well, actually- I'm going to be moving back to Thailand next week to train. I really want to see my family too. Celestino's coming back too. I'm really excited!" Phichit exclaimed. Yuuri just giggled.

"Congrats. Enjoy the time you have left in Detroit, trust me it's such a big change. It's quite easy to settle back in though."

"Thanks my dude, oh my- I forgot to ask, how is Mr Nikiforov doing." Phichit squealed. Yuuri was sure that Phichit was more excited than him.

"Haha, he's good thanks. I can't actually believe he's my coach. It's like having a God around. Hell, I'd worship him any day of the week." Yuuri rambled.

"That's great." Phichit giggled.

"But he's so perfect I'm??? Like I know it's obvious, but he's so much prettier in real life. His hair always glows in the sun and his eyes light up every time he talks about skating or Makkachin. He's so beautiful. He's really nice too. I don't know how to act around him thought because he's obviously superior to me but I'm constantly anxious around him because I really really want him to stay. Oh god- what if he leaves me for someone else w-" Yuuri poured all of his emotions out.

"Yuuri. First of all, he's not going to leave you. He chose to come and coach you. That's amazing in it's self. Second of all, you're second guessing yourself too much. Third, this sounds cringeworthy but just be yourself around him. He's human too." Phichit tried to calm him down.

He honestly missed Phichit so much. He always brought Yuuri back down to earth and reminded him that he, along with everyone else was human. It was nice to hear something like that once in awhile. It made him less afraid of himself and others. But Yuuri had learned to second guess himself. It was just a constant mindset he had from being around Izo. That's the way he'd lived for the past few years so it became a common thing.

"By the way Yuuri, what's on your forehead? It looks painful." Phichit questioned him.

"O-oh, it's just a scratch." Yuuri muttered while playing with his hair. 

"Yuuri."

"It's just a scratch I said!" Yuuri turned away.

"I can tell you're lying because you're playing with your hair." 

Shit. Yuuri thought. He'd forgotten that Phichit knew him so well. Yuuri cursed at himself.

"I-it doesn't matter..." 

"Yuuri, please tell me. Maybe getting it off your chest will help." Phichit suggested. Yuuri was silent for a good few minutes before telling him.

"Izo...he- he threw me on the floor and- and did stuff because I didn't want to do it with him..." Yuuri muttered while shielding his face. 

"Oh my god Yuuri I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry, a few bruises and scars will heal." Yuuri tried to lift the mood slightly.

"No, Yuuri, I'm serious. You need to break up with him. If he's being forceful or pushy or invading your privacy then it's not on. If he's Using words against you, or hurting you it's serious. It's abuse Yuuri. You need to get away from him. No matter sexuality or gender, it's abuse." Phichit told him in a serious tone.

Yuuri had never thought about it like that before. He just assumed it was normal. Yuuri didn't know that to do. Was it really abuse? Was it really not normal?

"But he's got anger issues, i just annoyed him to much." Yuuri desperately tried to find a simple justification.

"Yuuri, he should not be taking his anger out on you. You're another human being. It's literally abuse." Phichit cried.

"But I though every relationship was like that...."

"Yuuri, relationships are supposed to be happy and loving. Your relationship it's definitely not happy and loving. Yuuri, I mean this: please break up with him. Do it for me. If not for me, then for Viktor. If not for Viktor, then for yourself. I'm sure you know something's not right Yuuri, and it's so obvious that he's manipulated you into thinking it's love. For the love of god, get away from that man." Phichit pleaded. "This has been going on for 3 years. It's been hurting you physically and emotionally. Please Yuuri. Get away from him."

Yuuri didn't know what to say. He was too shocked. He made a promise with Phichit before they said their goodbyes. Yuuri let out a massive breath as he hung up. Yuuri's brain was working overtime. He didn't know whether to believe Phichit because he didn't know the full story. Was he really being manipulated? Sure, he knew he was unhappy. He sure knew that Izo brought him pain and suffering. But was it as far as abuse? Yuuri didnt know the answer.

Suddenly, there was a noise outside his door. It sounded like someone had just fell. Yuuri's blood went cold.

Did they just hear our conversation?

That was the only question on Yuuri's mind.

Yuuri leaped to the door and swiftly opened it. 

There, lying on the floor with a pillow under his arm and a blanket sprawled under him was Viktor.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" 

•••

Started writing: 13 of November  
Finished writing: 15th November


	8. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mainly just fluff I'm sorry that nothing exciting really happens. I promise I'll try and get the story to move faster. Next chapter will include Yurio I swear. I'm really sorry this chapter is really really bad.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading!

••••••••••

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Yuuri yelled at Viktor, desperate to hear that he hadn't listened in to his conversation with Phichit. 

"A-ah, Yuuri!" Viktor tried greeting him, but Yuuri was having none of it.  

"Why are you outside my room?" Yuuri said panicky.

"I- I came to ask if you wanted to sleep together." Viktor stuttered. "I want to get to know you better... I  want to build trust in our relationship."

"Well eavesdropping isn't exactly the best way to build trust!" Yuuri yelled. "Did you hear anything?"

"N-no, I just came to ask!" Viktor tried to defend himself. 

"Promise me?"

"I promise."

They were both silent. Yuuri ran a hand through his hair before rubbing his eyes. He looked at Viktor with sad and guilt filled eyes.

"L-look, I'm sorry for taking my emotions out on you." Yuuri suddenly apologised. A few tears stung Yuuri's eyes but he refused to let them spill. He felt so so guilty, because Yuuri knew what it was like to have anger taken out on you and it wasn't a very pleasant experience.

"...Yuuri, are you okay?" Viktor asked a few seconds later. Yuuri froze.

Once again, Yuuri had no idea how to respond  because there was no way in hell that he was okay, but he didn't want to scare Viktor away. He was so sure that Viktor would leave him if he opened up to him because of past experiences. For some reason he felt safe when Viktor was around. He felt at home. He knew they'd only been around each other for a short period of time, but it felt like a lifetime for Yuuri. He hoped Viktor would stick around. At least until he found out what this feeling was.

"I- yeah, I- I'm just tired. I'll see you in the morning." Yuuri gave Viktor a small wave before closing the door on him. Yuuri let out a huge sigh and flopped down face first onto his bed. There were so many thoughts running through his head. He had no idea what do with them. He just wanted to sleep and forget about the world. But Yuuri knew well enough by now that he was definitely not going to sleep tonight, and prepared himself for the worst.

Meanwhile, Viktor stood outside Yuuri's room, staring blankly at the door for a few second before walking away 

Something wasn't right with Yuuri.

\------  
Viktor made his way down the hallway to Yuuri's room. He'd decided to ask him if they wanted to sleep together. Viktor desperately wanted to get to know Yuuri better because he was so intrigued by him. Yuuri was one of the most beautiful human beings Viktor had ever seen. He had such amazing potential in Viktor's eyes that he felt like he needed to coach him. Viktor was drawn to him. His skating took his breath away, and even though he'd only seen him do it a few times, he was hooked on the man. His body moved like it was making the music and he had such elegance in his touch. Viktor wanted to protect Yuuri. He would gladly give up his time for Yuuri any day, and felt like his job was to protect him. 

Viktor paused for a second before knocking, but released that Yuuri seemed to be talking to someone. Viktor bent down and put his ear to the door, trying to work out who.

"-loving. Yuuri, I mean this: please break up with him. Do it for me. If not for me, then for-" Viktor cursed at himself when he moved slightly and missed a part of the conversation. He'd never heard the voice that was talking before, but whoever it was sounded really concerned. They seemed to be talking to Yuuri too. Was there something going on that he was unaware of?

"-I'm sure you know something's not right Yuuri, and it's so obvious that he's manipulated you into thinking it's love. For the love of god, get away from that man. This has been going on for 3 years. It's been hurting you physically and emotionally. Please Yuuri. Get away from him."

Viktor's eyes widened. He had no idea in hell what they were talking about, but he knew it was a serious matter. Were they talking about him? No, they couldn't have been. They mentioned something about three years, and Viktor had most definitely not known Yuuri for three years although he wish he had. There was something or someone hurting Yuuri, and Viktor's heart ached at the very thought of his Yuuri being hurt. It had only been a couple of days but Viktor hoped he'd get to know Yuuri better and help him in anyway he possibly could.

Viktor stood up and decided he was going to confront Yuuri, but got the blanket he was holding stuck under his feet and fell backwards.

"Shishitshitshitshitsh-" Viktor muttered to himself. He tried to gather himself up from the floor and run away, but before he could the door bury open to reveal a very concerned looking Yuuri.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Yuuri yelled at him with wide eyes. He looked really tired. His eyes were puffy and red and his hair was sticking in every direction. Viktor found it kind of cute, but he knew this was not the time to drool over him. There was something wrong with Yuuri and Viktor wanted to try his best to support him through it.  
\-----

Over the next couple of days, Yuuri and Viktor's relationship began to blossom. They'd had a load of training sessions together in an attempt to get some of Yuuri's muscle and stamina back. Yuuri opened up to Viktor a little more. He was still petrified of properly opening up to him so decided to do it step by step. They both now knew their favourite things and interests, but Viktor wanted more. He wanted to know everything there was to know about Yuuri, all of his little habits and everything. He would be willing to wait a lifetime just to get to know him better, and that's what he did. 

Yuuri was so grateful for having Viktor by his side and as his coach. Although they hadn't known each other for long, Yuuri knew that the relationship between the two was going to great. He was so thankful because Viktor respected the fact that Yuuri was anxious and uncomfortable and needed time to open up, and reassured him as many times as he needed to that he was willing to wait however long it took.

Yuuri's mood had been off for a few days. He'd tried his best to keep it hidden because he didn't want his bad mood to effect on Viktor and his skating career. Yuuri had been pondering about what Phichit had told him. 

Should he break up with Izo or not?

Of course, he knew how unhappy he made him and would leave at any given second, but he couldn't help reflect on the good times they'd had. There were some moments when Yuuri was convinced that they were in love, but there were others where he feared for his life. Do it for Viktor. The four words rang clearly in his head because hell, he'd do anything for Viktor. If it meant that him and Viktor's relationship would develop if he broke up with Izo, then he surely would.

Viktor noticed that something had been bothering Yuuri, but didn't want to confront him because it might have made him uncomfortable or anxious, so he decided to keep quiet while keeping a close eye on his pupil. Viktor decided the best thing to do was to do something to get his mind off it. He would have suggested skating together but it seemed to make Yuuri more agitated.

Yuuri was desperately trying to build up the courage to break up with his boyfriend, and it was not in one way easy. So when Viktor came over to him after he'd failed to land yet another triple axel and asked him if he wanted to go out for an bit, he felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. 

After a short conversation, they opted for a small walk around the area. Yuuri wanted to show Viktor all the different attractions. They visited a number of Yuuri's favourite places, including the ninja castle, the beach, and of course, The park Yuuri went to as a little kid. 

Yuuri would never had guessed it by looking at him, but Viktor was one of those people who just had to go and play in a park if he found one, which resulted in a lot of fun. Yuuri watched as the grown man ran around the playground like a fool, and climbed the climbing frame and made his way across the bridge and attempted to go down the slide, but found that his coach was actually nearly the length of the slide.

"Viktor! You can't go down there! You're going to fall!" Yuuri yelled as Viktor tucked his knees up to this chest so that he could actually fit down the slide. 

"Then stand at the bottom to catch me." Viktor smiled. Yuuri's cheeks went red and he couldn't contain his smile. It was such a small thing, but Yuuri was glad that they'd started to build trust in each other. Yuuri kneeled at the bottom with his arms out, not sure how exactly he was supposed to catch him but it was the only thing he could think of doing

"Here I come!" Viktor slowly made his way down the slide before getting stuck halfway. His cheeks turned red and he stuck his bottom lip out. Meanwhile, Yuuri couldn't stop laughing. Viktor smiled at Yuuri. He was glad that he'd liften his mood, and god, his laugh was absolutely adorable.

"Okay, take two!" Viktor announced and pulled himself up to the top again, which wasn't very far. He watched as Yuuri wiped a tear away from his eye and smiled at him. Viktor's heart swelled. He was so glad that Yuuri was smiling because of him.

"3,2,1!" Viktor yelled before sliding down. He made sure to push off to gain a slight bit of speed. He slid down quickly and fell as he came off the slide.

Yuuri laughed before realising how close they actually were to each other. Viktor was sprawled diagonally across Yuuri, meaning that his head was resting on Yuuri's shoulder. Viktor coughed before getting up from where he had felt, but Yuuri seemed to be frozen to the spot. It was moments like this that Yuuri realised that Viktor was actually a living and breathing person. He didn't think he'd ever be able to process it. For years, Yuuri had idolised the man standing above him, and he was now coaching Yuuri. Yuuri didn't know what to think of the matter.

Viktor reached out his hand for Yuuri and he gladly took it. He pulled himself up and then thanked Viktor. They were both silent for a few seconds before Viktor spotted something that Yuuri prayed he wouldn't see.

The roundabout.

Viktor's eyes immediately lit up and he grabbed Yuuri's hand before dragging him over to the roundabout. Viktor immediately hopped on and began giggling.

"I haven't been on one of these in years! Can you push me please?" Viktor begged Yuuri. He just smiled back at him and began running and pushing it. Viktor's screeches and laughs sounded through the air. Yuuri began laughing too. He had one of those contagious and cute laughs which made Yuuri's heart flip.

"Yuuri! Jump on!" Viktor yelled. Yuuri was slightly confused.

"How am I supposed to do that?" Yuuri questioned while still running around.

"Just jump on!"

"I'm too scared to!" Yuuri yelled back.

"I'll hold you, you trust me, right?" Viktor yelled back. Yuuri blushed and screamed internally.

"Y-yeah." Yuuri said. He waited a few seconds before jumping on and was immediately wrapped into Viktor's arms. 

"See? It wasn't that bad, was it?" Viktor asked Yuuri. Yuuri couldn't reply because he was too busy trying not to show any emotions. He was blushing beyond belief and his heart was pounding furiously. He was breathless. He didn't know if it was because he was so damn close to Viktor or from running around. Anyway, Vikor was warm, and Yuuri liked that. He smelled of mint and expensive cologne. He liked that scent. It was very viktory. 

Viktor noticed Yuuri's blush and giggled to himself. 

"I'm really dizzy." Yuuri announced after the roundabout had stopped. Viktor let go of Yuuri and they both got off, slightly wobbly. After a lot of laughing and falling over, they decided to leave the park and carry on the tour of the area.

After around an hour, they returned back to the rink. 

Yuuri couldn't contain his smile when they returned to skating. Viktor was such a fun and caring person. Yuuri found it really cute too when he got excited about the little things, like the Ninja castle. Viktor just had to get his picture taken with it. Yuuri giggled at the memory.

"In a better mood now I see?" Viktor smiled as he skated to The side where Yuuri was drinking his water. Viktor smirked before squeezing the bottle, causing Yuuri to spit all of it out over them both. Yuuri looked shocked, as well as Viktor but they both ended up laughing really hard after.

"Yeah, yeah I am, thanks to you." Yuuri gave his coach a genuine smile, something he hadn't done in ages.

"I'm glad. Now, where were we?"

\-----

Yuuri lay awake that night, starting at his celling. He didn't have the energy to even close his eyes. His anxiety began to rise again. Despite the great day out he'd had, all the self doubt and hatred he'd pushed to the back of his head for so long began to crawl back to him. He knew it wasn't healthy for him to keep all of his emotions to himself, but he'd never actually had anyone that he could rely on 100%. Bottling everything up was the only thing Yuuri had learned to do through the years. 

Now that he'd be competing again, Yuuri was beginning to feel terrified, and it was only May. September was his first competition. He was scared shitless to put it simply. No one expected anything from him anyway, so why did he even bother carrying on skating? He didn't even have someone or something he was skating for. But then what else could he do? Skating was the only thing he was mildly good at. If you took that away, from Yuuri's point of view you'd have a worthless, pathetic human being. He needed to be good enough. He was so scared to disappoint people, and people expected too much of him, but Yuuri had nothing to offer. He was just an underlying skater with an underwhelming career that would be forgotten about in a few years time. He didn't know if the thought of that terrified him or comforted him.

He didn't want to be forgotten in the slightest. He wanted to leave his mark in figure skating history, he wanted to feel good enough, he wanted everyone to know his name. He wanted to be known as "Yuuri katsuki the ice skater" not "i-can't-remember-his-name-but-he-fucked-up-everything". He wasn't sure if it made sense to anyone else, but it made sense to him. But at the same time, the thought of that comforted him. If he messed up, nobody would remember him and he could just fade away and be forgotten about. After all, it was a fitting end for such an underwhelming skater.

He began to cry. Tears streamed down his face. He cupped his face in his hands and sobbed. He wasn't sure about anything anymore. He'd tried so hard to be what everyone expected, but he couldn't no matter hard he tried. He desperately wanted to be recognised, but he knew he would never be. He didn't know if he had the energy and mental strength to carry on his career. The thought of disappointing his family and Viktor made him so so anxious. He didn't know what to do. He really didn't.

He began to calm down a good ten minutes later. He was exhausted. He just wanted to sleep. He was now on his 4th sleepless night. He'd probably had around 3 hours of proper rest over the 4 days. He was to anxious. About his career. About his future. About being forgotten. About Viktor. About Izo. The list went on and on.

Yuuri turned onto his side. He opened his draw and grabbed the bottle of pills he'd been hiding there for god knows how long. After seeing a doctor a few months ago, and after he'd been diagnosed, he'd been prescribed pills to help with his anxiety. They did fuck all though. If anything, they made him feel worse about himself because he'd have to accept that there was something wrong with him. He'd only taken them for a few weeks before stopping because they didn't help him in any shape or form. He threw them across the room, and they spilled everywhere. He turned back onto his other side and tried to fall asleep. 

Fortunately, luck was on his side. He felt asleep with great difficulty, but at least he was getting some rest. Not for long though. He was Rudely awaken at around 2am by his phone ringing. Yuuri cursed at whoever it was before picking his phone up.

Izo Suoh❤️

His heart skipped a beat out of fear. He hadn't been in touch with his since what happened. He was terrified of him

"Fuck off." Yuuri muttered before pressing the answer button.

"W-What do you want?" Yuuri whispered.

"Yuuri. We need to talk."

••••••  
Started writing: 16th of November   
Finished writing: 18th of November 

 

Thanks for reading!


	9. Heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really badly written I'm sorry. Enjoy anyway!

•••••••

Yuuri didn't know what he was doing outside his boyfriend's apartment at 3 in the morning, but he was talked into doing it somehow. Yuuri looked like a bag of shit, and that was no understatement. He was in his pyjamas for one, and two, he hadn't had time to make himself look even a slight bit decent. He combed his fingers through his tangled hair before knocking on the door. He was shaking. The last time he'd been there was a few weeks ago, and it didn't end well. 

Yuuri gasped when the door opened suddenly and he was pulled in. Yuuri didn't even have the chance to greet him before Izo started attack him with kisses. Yuuri squealed as he was pinned against the wall by his boyfriend. He struggled to wiggle out of Izo's grasp. There was no way he was getting anywhere with the force Izo was using on him.

"I-Izo! Let go of me!" Yuuri yelped as his boyfriend began kissing down his neck. Yuuri prayed that there wouldn't be a mark there but it was too late. He tried to pry his hands off him but it was no use.

"No, you're mine." Izo growled. He forcefully grabbed Yuuri's head and pushed their lips together. Yuuri squirmed and began trying to claw him off him. He manage to get his lips off his, and he pushed him back slightly. Adrenaline rushed through Yuuri's veins.

"No, Get off me." Yuuri said sternly. He pushed Izo off with all of his strength, sending him flying into the wall. Yuuri was left breathless as he stood there, staring at the man before him.  
"Wh- why did you ask me to come here?"

"Oh, I thought it would be nice for us to try something new tonight. C'mon Yuuri, it's been 5 years now. Don't let this end like last time. You brought it upon yourself" Izo stood up and began walking towards Yuuri. He was literally terrified.

"Izo. I am not doing anything with you. You're making me uncomfortable. Get off me." Yuuri said as his boyfriend snaked his arms around him. 

 

"No!" Izo yelled. He was so persistent. Yuuri just wanted him off him. Yuuri pushed him off him again and sent him tumbling to the floor. He wobbled slightly as he got up, but dived straight for Yuuri. He held the taller male by the shoulders. "Lets go to the bedroom and do something-"

"No. If you're that eager, go to the bedroom and jerk off to your fucking self portrait because you obviously love yourself that much." Yuuri snapped before guiding him and pushing him towards the bedroom door and he entered before closing it behind him with great difficulty. 

Yuuri sighed.

He looked around the living room. It was a fucking mess. That was the only way Yuuri could think of describing it. There was Paper work all over the floor and there was smashed glass. There were a few bottles of beer too. His coats lay scattered along the floor. There were bags tipped.

Being the good Boyfriend he was, he decided to clear up. There was no way that he could leave the place in that state. He began by putting all of the empty bottles in the bin and sweeping up the glass. Yuuri was lucky that he didn't accidentally cut himself with the glass because of how clumsy he was.

He picked up all of the paperwork and put all of it into neat piles on the table, ready for Izo to sort. He picked Izo's coats up and hung them tidily. Izo had a thing for long coats. Yuuri wouldn't have been surprised if he loved them more than he loved him. He didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 

He noticed that there were some things lying around that were definitely not Izo's. There were a few items of clothing lying around, like a red and black plaid flannel and a grey hoodie. Yuuri couldn't imagine him wearing any of those. He was more of a shirt and tie guy. Yuuri became slightly suspicious, but just simply brushed it off.

Yuuri sat down for a bit, waiting for his boyfriend to emerge from his bedroom. Yuuri flipped through some magazines just to waste time. He decided to have a little nap, and successful slept for around 10 minutes before waking up by a phone Vibrating.

He groaned and sat up. He checked his to find that he had no notifications. He spotted Izo's phone on the arm of the sofa and went to check if he had any notifications. He saw one message notification and decided to see who was texting him at three in the morning.

But how Yuuri wished he didn't.

Text from: Hiroko❤️  
Happy Three Years

Yuuri was sure his heart stopped. His eyes widened and he was sure he stopped breathing. There was a picture of Izo sleeping with another guy. Yuuri dropped the phone and stared blankly at the floor. He had no idea what to do.  
Happy three years? Yuuri thought to himself. He didn't want to believe it.  
He got up and made his way to the bedroom. He was ready to confront Izo. It didn't matter if he was sleeping. Yuuri wanted answers. He paused before opening the door. There seemed to be muffled voices coming from the other side.

Yuuri breathed deeply before opening the door, and thank god he did because the first image he was greeted with was his boyfriend making out with another man.

 

\----

Yuuri had never run so fast in his life. He didn't know what to do with himself. He really didn't. He ran all the way home from Izo's apartment. He never wanted to see him again. He never wanted to go near that man again. The pain he'd brought Yuuri was too much to put into words.

He bolted through his house at four in the morning, not caring who was woken up by his actions. He ran to his bedroom and slammed to door behind him. He didn't know anything other to do that to cry and scream into him pillow. He felt empty. So so empty. The one person who he was supposed to love and care for more than anyone else had just tossed him to the side like the worthless garbage he was. Yuuri hadn't been good enough for him. Yet again, Yuuri had been cheated on and left. He'd been abandoned. He felt like Izo was trying to directly tell him that he wasn't and would never be good enough.

Yuuri carried on till the sun began to rise. He was in so much pain. Yes, he was unhappy in the relationship, but being cheated on for three years wasn't a very pleasant thing to find out. It had been three years since all of the shouting and hitting began too. Yuuri had been cast away to the side, like an object for Izo to use once he felt like it.  
He didn't know why he bothered carrying on. All of his plans, his world, his future had been destroyed. He'd managed to build an idea of what the future would look like for him, but it had all crumbled beneath his feet.

Yuuri was still finding it hard to come to terms with the fact he'd been cheated on. He didn't know what was so hard to grasp about that concept. He had to try and terms that he'd been cast aside and left behind by the person he loved, because he wasn't good enough. Izo had grown tired of him. He didn't want him anymore. He hated him. Yuuri hated himself.

Yuuri checked the time. 8:21. His training with Viktor started in nine minutes. He couldn't be bothered to get out of bed. He just wanted to sleep and cry. He didn't have the slightest bit of motivation to get up, until he remembered that Viktor had come all the way from his hometown just to coach him.

He got out of bed slowly, his legs aching from running home. He limped over to his wardrobe and got out the same outfit as he usually wore. He grabbed his jacket and bag and then slowly headed out of his room. He passed the mirror in the hallway on the way out of his house, and god, he looked awful. He looked like death itself.

He didn't have the energy to walk or run to the ice rink so he asked his father to drive him there. Yuuri could drive, it was just he was way, way too tired to do so, and he would probably put himself and others in danger because he'd have way to much power. He could just pull the steering wheel and crash. He had the power to do so, so what was stopping him?

"You look rough my boy." His father tried to start conversation as they drove.

"Yeah..." Yuuri gave a half assed reply.

"Did something happen?" His father questioned him.

"I-I don't know..." Yuuri didn't want to talk right now. He didn't want to do anything. A few minutes later, Yuuri was dropped off that the ice rink and made his way inside. He waved at Yuko before sitting down and put his skates on.

He made his way to the rink, where Viktor was waiting for him.

"You're late." Viktor commented as he made his way to the middle of the rink. Yuuri didn't reply. He just rubbed his already red eyes.

"I know." Yuuri replied. He didn't want to look at Viktor. He didn't want to look at anyone. He was drained.

"It's okay, don't worry. Shall we get started?" Viktor cheered. "I want to see how your jumps and step sequences are getting along. Then tomorrow we can work on control and speed." 

Yuuri just nodded.

"Anything you want to work on specifically?" Viktor questioned.

"Quadruple Salchow please." Yuuri mumbled.

"Okay. Let's see it first." Viktor told Yuuri. Yuuri huffed before getting into position. He was struggling to keep his eyes open. He didn't know how on earth he was going to survive this training session. 

He began to skate slowly before picking up the speed. He skated around the corner, and decided that he had enough momentum to do the jump. His stomach began Turing before he lifted off the ice and spun in the air. Unsurprisingly, he fell flat on his face like he'd done so many times before. He slowly got up and was met with his coach who had skated over to see him.

"Are you hurt?" Viktor asked. Yuuri shook his head. "Good. Let's try that again, but this time try and go a little faster and try pushing your body as you take off."

Yuuri nodded and got back into position. He'd only done this once and yet his boy felt like giving up. He was drained physically and mentally. 

 

Yuuri tried again, but this time he took Viktor's comments into consideration. He skated faster. He pushed off the ice with all of his strength. He spun and landed, but lost balance and fell over. He inhaled sharply as his body hit the ice. He lay there for a few seconds before getting up again.

"Ohhh that was so close! Well done! We'll try and work on your balance too then." Viktor encouraged Yuuri. Viktor was always there to help Yuuri keep going. He felt a warm feeling and butterflies whenever he thought of him. Yuuri brushed it off as another stupid, meanless feeling.

Yuuri was already feeling exhausted by his third go, but he kept going. He did it again, and again, and again, and again, and again, till he'd lost count.

Viktor could see Yuuri was getting tired. Viktor could also sense saddness around Yuuri today. He decided not to confront him in the case of making it worse. He watched as his student rubbed his eyes and stared blankly at the ice before attempting a few more quads. When Yuuri failed yet another one and didn't get up, Viktor decided that it was time for a break.

He skated over to Yuuri and helped him up. Yuuri thanked him. They exited the rink and went to sit down for a bit. Yuuri was really quiet. Not that he was a loud person. He just stared blankly and played with his fingers for most of the time they spent together. He didn't really engage in conversation either. His answers where short and disinterested. 

Viktor had noticed that Yuuri had this habit of playing with his fingers when he was anxious. He didn't question him, but he knew it was a coping method for social anxiety. He gave Yuuri space, but made sure that he was okay. Today was different. Yuuri's eyes were so so sad. There was definitely something wrong.

"Yuuri, are you okay?" Viktor tried to sound casual but kept a close eye on Yuuri.

"I'm fine." We answered plainly. Yuuri picked up the water bottle beside him up and took a big mouthful of it. He placed it down gently before standing up. He made his way back to the rink.

Yuuri was far to distant for him to be okay. Viktor scratch his head as he watched his pupil begin to skate around the rink. He had such sadness in his eyes. An overwhelming sense of sadness and anxiousness overcame Viktor as he watched Yuuri skate freely around the rink. He was amazing at expressing himself. Even though there was no music, Yuuri's body was the music. Viktor was drawn to him. He couldn't take his eyes of him.

After a few more minutes, Viktor entered the ice and made his way over to Yuuri who was drinking some water on the other side.

"That was amazing!" Viktor exclaimed, making Yuuri blush.

"N-no it wasn't." Yuuri tried to hide his face in his hands. Viktor chuckled.

"You need more confidence in yourself Yuuri. I will help you build it and reassure you as many times as you need." Viktor said while staring into Yuuri's eyes. "I promise."

Yuuri didn't know what to say. It was the first time that someone had told his that he was amazing. He didn't believe it of course because it was coming from The Viktor Nikiforov, but his heart swelled with pure awe. He was desperate to gain some confidence, but had no idea how until now. It had only been a case of people telling him "you need to gain confidence." Or "just have more self belief.". None of those helped him. But Viktor was different. He was going to teach him how to become more confident. And he was going to stay by his side every step of the way. At lest Yuuri hoped so. It was so easy for Viktor to leave him. He could just leave and never return. Without saying goodbye. It could happen any day soon, and that terrified Yuuri.

"T-thank you..." Yuuri muttered as he burried his face into his hands. Viktor smiled at him.

"You're one of a kind Yuuri, d'you know that?" Viktor put a hand on his shoulder.

Yuuri nervously scratched his neck and awkwardly smiled. He really didn't feel like talking to anyone right now.

Viktor examined Yuuri for a second. The hight difference gave Viktor and advantage because half of the time he could stare at Yuuri without him actually noticing. Viktor noticed a big purpley-red mark on Yuuri's neck and giggled to himself.

"Had a little fun with your boyfriend last night, hey?" Viktor nudged Yuuri.

Yuuri didn't reply. No, no no no no no no no he thought to himself. He started at his hands as he tried his best not to let tears spill down his face. If having fun was getting your heart broken, then certainly he'd had a whole lot of fun.

Viktor realised he'd struck a nerve when Yuuri stayed quiet and stared at the floor with eyes full of fear. He began hyperventilating slightly and that's when Viktor knew that something serious was wrong.

"Yuuri, what's wrong?" He grabbed both of Yuuri's shoulders. No response. Yuuri just carried on staring. "Yuuri!" Viktor raised his voice slightly and shook him. Nothing.

Viktor didn't know what to do. A single tear began to run down Yuuri's face. Viktor was confused and was beginning to panic himself. His student was in front of him stuck in a trance and was starting to have a panic attack. Viktor had no idea what to do. He couldn't just leave Yuuri there to suffer on his own but he couldn't seem to snap him out of it.

"Yuuri. Yuuri look at me." Viktor said sternly when his breathing got worse. "Yuuri!" 

Yuuri snapped out and turned his gaze to the man in front of him. He was so close to him. Yuuri had no idea what was going on other than he couldn't breath or seem to move.

Yuuri began to choke on his sobs and began shaking. Viktor knew he had to do something quick.

"I'm sorry Yuuri." Viktor said quickly before picking him up bridal style and skating across the rink with him. Yuuri held onto him for dear life. It was like Viktor was going to slip away any moment. With incredible difficulty, Viktor got out of the rink with Yuuri still in his arms and the ice skates still on. He made his way across to the entrance so Yuuri could get some fresh air.

Unfortunately, his plan went all to shit when they were greeted by a familiar blonde Russian boy.

\----  
Started writing: 18th of November  
Published: 20th of November


	10. Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't edited this chapter so sorry for the mistakes, but Thank you for everything, enjoy!

••••••••••••

"Hello Viktor." The boy spat at him. Viktor stared at him in confusion.

"...what are you going here, Yurio?" Viktor questioned him. He held on tightly to Yuuri while the younger boy buried his face into Viktor's neck. Viktor could feel the uneven breath against his neck. He needed to help him, or things could bet worse.

"I came to take you back to Russia! Did you forget the promise you made me?!" Yurio yelled at the taller male. Viktor was starting to get agitated.

"Yurio, I need you to move to one side for one second." Viktor said sternly. Yurio scoffed and crossed his arms.

"No way."

"Can't you see who I've got here?! He needs to get some fresh air." Viktor yelled. Yurio just stayed put and began tapping his foot on the floor. "I'll have to make you get out of the fucking way then..."

He shoved his way out of the door, nearly knocking Yurio over, but was relieved that he could finally attend to Yuuri and help him calm down. He walked over to the wall and sat down with Yuuri in his lap. He cradled the younger boy an began stroking his hair. 

"Shhh...deep breaths Yuuri..." he rocked back and forth. Viktor had no idea In hell if he was doing this calming down thing right, but he was trying his best. He felt so so guilty. He was the one that pulled the trigger this time. He had no idea to what, but knew that something had happened, and it must have been pretty bad to set Yuuri off like that. He watched as Yuuri cupped his hands around his face and tried to breathe. It broke Viktor's heart seeing Yuuri like this. He just wanted to love and support him through it, but he felt completely useless right now.

"I-I feel really fa-faint." Yuuri hiccuped. Viktor suddenly went into panic mode. He placed Yuuri down on the wall off his lap and kneeled in front of him. He grabbed the boys hands and stroked them gently.

"Yuuri look at me." Viktor said. Yuuri waited a few seconds before opening his eyes and looked directly into Viktor's beautiful ones. "Just like last time, okay? Breathe in...and out...in and out." Viktor encouraged Yuuri. 

Slowly, but steadily, Yuuri's breathing returned to normal. Yuuri felt like pure shit. His lungs felt like they were on fire, and his throat was raw. He took one of his hands from Viktor's and rubbed his eyes. He really needed some sleep. He hands slept in four days and it was really starting to take effect on him.

"Yuuri, how are you feeling?" Viktor questioned. Yuuri tore his gaze away from Viktor. He'd just embarrassed himself in front of his idol again. He felt like pure crap. His head hurt and all the energy had been drained from him.

"Fine..." Yuuri mumbled. 

"Yuuri." 

Viktor was so persistent. He could always tell when there was something bothering Yuuri, and Yuuri didn't like that. He didn't want other people caring for him. He'd kept all these emotions to himself for so long because 1) he'd never had anyone we could trust 100% and he didn't know how to let all of these emotions out without sounding stupid, and 2) he didn't want other people to feel his pain. He felt like they were intruding on his feelings. He wanted to keep them to himself because he was scared that people would leave him.

"I-I don't want to talk about it..." Yuuri muttered.  Viktor sighed. He only wanted to help the boy. He knew that he was struggling, and Viktor would be willing to go to the depths of hell to make him happy. He was so persistent Because he didn't want to loose Yuuri.

"Maybe talking about it will help?" Viktor suggested. Yuuri shook his head.  
"Very well then. But promise me something Yuuri? Promise me you'll talk to me about it sometime. It's not healthy for you to keep it all to yourself."

Viktor stared at Yuuri with pleading eyes. Yuuri started back. Yuuri adored Viktor's eyes. He'd never seen anything like them before. They were so full of life and happiness. They always glowed when he was doing or talking about something he loved, and Yuuri's heart warmed at the sight. He just loved Viktor's eyes. And Viktor loved Yuuri's eyes. They were so full of warmth and love, but also full of sadness, and Viktor was determined to turn that sadness into happiness. Whatever the cost.

"Okay..." Yuuri gave in. Viktor cracked a smile and hugged him. 

"Thank you Yuuri. Thank you for trusting me." Viktor kissed Yuuri's forehead before getting up. 

Yuuri let out a small squeal. His cheeks flushed a deep red colour and his heart was pounding in his chest. Did he just kiss my forehead? Yuuri's eyes widened. He certainly wasn't complaining, but there was no way in hell he was prepared for that. Viktor giggled to himself as he watched Yuuri turn bright red and struggled to get his words out properly.

"Sh-shall we go ba-back inside?" Yuuri stuttered, his face glowing even more. Yuuri was stunned. This feeling was back again. He didn't know what to do. What was this foreign feeling? Why did it only happen when he was around Viktor?

Viktor helped Yuuri up and they walked back inside. Both still had their ice skates on so found it incredibly difficult, and had a good laugh as they got back inside. 

The moment Yuuri got back inside, he was kicked in the back by someone and was sent flying across the floor. He tumbled for awhile before coming to a stop. Yuuri groaned loudly, because Jesus Christ did that hurt. All the breath was sucked out of his lungs. He coughed and spluttered around for a bit before opening his eyes.

"Yuuri! Are you okay?!" Viktor ran over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "What was that for Yurio?!" He then yelled over to the boy from earlier. Yuuri noticed something familiar about him.

"That bastard took you away from me!" Yurio yelled angrily.

"Yurio, I was the one who decided to come to coach Yuuri, so don't you dare blame him. Could you give us a minute please?" Viktor asked nicely. Yurio huffed before barging past them. 

"Ahh...my back hurts..." Yuuri complained as he grabbed onto Viktor's arm for dear life.

"Okay, okay. Don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine. Can I have a look?" Viktor asked Yuuri. Yuuri nodded before turning on his side. Viktor lifted Yuuri's shirt up ever so gently. It was like Yuuri was fragile as glass. Viktor didn't want to hurt him, so he was overly cautious about touching him.

"Oh, it looks like you've got a bruise coming. He must have kicked you pretty hard...." Viktor muttered. "Let's get you some freeze gel for that." 

Yuuri got up from the floor slowly with Viktor's help. He lead him over to the bench area and sat him down. Viktor rummaged through this bag for annoy before pulling out a pot of freeze gel.

"It's always handy to carry a pot of This around." Viktor chuckled. "Can you pull your shirt off for me?"

Yuuri was sure his heart stopped beating. He just stared back at Viktor with his eyes wide and a confused look on his face. He understood why he needed he needed to take his shirt off, but he couldn't deal with the fact that it would be in front of Viktor. He was so so self conscious. Slowly, he pulled his jacket off and then slipped his shirt of and over his head. He placed them both neatly beside him. He couldn't bring himself to make eye contact or even look at Viktor, so he stuck his gaze to the floor. Yuuri's cheeks were dusted with a light pink blush, and Viktor found it absolutely adorable.

Viktor slowly kneeled down behind Yuuri and examined the bruise. He dipped his fingers into the gel and began rubbing it on Yuuri's back. Yuuri let out a yelp of surprise.

"Cold?" Viktor laughed.

"Very" Yuuri replied. Yuuri was playing with his fingers again, and Viktor had picked up on it. His eyebrows knitted together.

"Why are you anxious?" Viktor questioned. He put the lid back on the pot before sliding it into his bag. "You're playing with your fingers. You seem to do it when you're anxious or nervous for something."

It took Yuuri a good few minutes to reply. He didn't know what to say, because the last person to be able to read him like that was Phichit. He never thought anyone would get to know him as well as Phichit did, but he guessed he was wrong. 

"I'm just- I'm just really self conscious." Yuuri breathed out. There it was. Viktor looked at him with a hint of confusion. "I know I'm stupid. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Forget what I just said"

Yuuri shook his head and reached for his shirt. He pulled it over his head before ruffling his hair. He then took his jacket and stood up and began walking away.

He was stopped by two arms pulling him in for a hug. He was pressed against Viktor's shoulder. Yuuri was shocked but soon relaxed. This is what home felt like for Yuuri. Viktor. He was warm and so welcoming and so full of love and care. He inhaled his scent again. The Viktory scent. 

"Don't ever say that again." Viktor mumbled into Yuuri's ear. "You aren't stupid. You're amazing. You're one of the nicest people I've ever met. I'm going to help you gain confidence in yourself, okay? You're beautiful Yuuri. Inside and out. I'll reassure you as many times as you need, okay? I'm going to support you every step of the way."

Viktor could feel tears coming to his eyes. Yuuri deserved the world. He'd be willing to rob all the stars in the sky if it meant Yuuri would be happy. He was so beautiful. Everything about him was. He couldn't believe somebody as breathing taking as Yuuri could have such little confidence in himself. Viktor didn't know why, or who, rather had caused this, but once he found out oh boy were they in for it.

"Thank you so m-"

"Hey you morons! What's taking you so long?" An angry voice rudely interrupted Yuuri.

"Oh- uh, sorry Yurio. We were a little busy." Viktor awkwardly let go of Yuuri. "What do you want?"

"I want you to come back to Russia with me, as I said earlier. Did you forget the promise you made me?" Yurio questioned him.

Yuuri looked at Viktor with panic filled eyes. He didn't want him to leave. They'd only just started training and their relationship was still developing. He was going to leave him. He was going to abandon him like so many others had. Yuuri was sure his heart was going to break. He was going to go back to Russia and forget that Yuuri had ever existed. Just the thought of it made Yuuri feel sick and lightheaded, because Viktor meant more to Yuuri than he could ever explain.

"You promised me if I won the junior championships, you'd choreograph a program just for me!" Yurio reminded him. Viktor thought back before chuckling slightly.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that. You know I'm the forgetful type." Viktor scratched the back of his head.

"Let's go back to Russia then! We don't have all the time in the world!" Yurio   
Told Viktor. Viktor paused and thought for a moment. 

Yuuri's heart was beating heavily in his chest. Please don't leave me Yuuri wanted to scream at the silver haired male in front of him You mean the world to me. Yuuri's heart was breaking again. He didn't think he could handle anymore pain. He'd just found out he'd been cheated on for three years, and now the one person that he cared for more than anyone was slipping through his fingers.

There was and unbearable silence for a few minutes.

"Okay! I've decided!" Viktor announced. Yuuri held his breath. "I'll choreograph a program for both of you with the same music, but different arrangements. You'll get a week to practice and then you'll both perform for me and I'll see who surprises me more." Viktor smiled.

Yuuri let out a huge breath that he'd been holding in for god knows how long. Relief washed over him like a tidal wave. There was a chance, even the tiniest, tiniest chance that Viktor would stay with him. Yuuri was going to do everything in his power to try and make Viktor stay. Even if it meant sleepless nights because of practicing, he would gladly endure it for Viktor.

"We'll make this huge! We can all throw a party. We'll contact the tv company and ask if they can air it! Imagine how many people would come!" Viktor rambled. 

"Don't you think that's a bit... over the top?" Yuuri asked shyly.

"Nope! It'll be great! Try not to worry!" Viktor smiled. "We'll get started tomorrow!"  
\----

Once the three were back in Yuuri's house, Yuuri sigh and dumped his bag and ran straight to his room. He could hear someone call after him but he chose to ignore it. He locked the door and began pacing back and fourth. He was getting anxious already. He just wanted a little bit of Viktor's time. That's all he asked for. Was it too much? Was he being selfish? Yuuri was nothing compared to Yurio. He actually had confidence and self belief and talent, unlike Yuuri. He calmed himself down before deciding he should probably go downstairs and be with his guests. He didn't want to seem rude.

He entered the living room, where Viktor was sitting calmly. He greeted them before sitting down next to Viktor. Yuuri didn't seem to be in sight.

"How's your back?" Viktor asked him as he leaned on Yuuri's shoulder.

"Better." Yuuri replied. He ran a hands through his hair. He was exhausted. He just wanted some sleep.

"You look tired, Yuuri. Why don't you go get some rest?" Viktor suggested. Could he read his mind? How did he know? Before he could reply, the angry Russian boy came storming into the room and glared at Yuuri.

"Where's my room?!" Yurio demanded. Yuuri laughed. Did this guy ever chill? 

"Oh, I didn't know you were staying here as well." Yuuri admitted. 

"Well it's unfair that you get Viktor all to yourself!" He exclaimed. "I'm hungry. Get me some food."

Yuuri huffed before getting up from his seat and walking to the kitchen. He had made pork cutlet bowls plenty of times before, since they were his favourite food. He didn't take long to cook one up for his guest, and once he had finished, he placed it on the table ready for Yurio to eat. Yurio scoffed the food down at an alarming velocity. Both Yuuri and Vikor looked stunned.

Yuuri's older sister entered and called for him to come and help her tidy the room Viktor would be staying in. He huffed before getting up. He walked out of the room slowly before turning around to look at Viktor at Yurio as they casually chatted together. They seemed to be so comfortable around each other. Of course, they'd probably known each other for years. Yuuri's heat sank. He envied Yurio. He was the one who was confident and comfortable around Viktor. Yuuri was second best. Just as before. Just as always. 

He grabbed his bag and phone and took off. He ran out of his house and over the bridge. The sea at night was such a beautiful sight. So many colours mixing together made Yuuri marvel at the sight. Yuuri adored it. He also adored Viktor. 

Yuuri was so scared of loosing Viktor. He had said it so many times, but couldn't put enough emphasis on it. He wanted to make Viktor proud of him. Only then would he feel good enough. He could see clearly for a bit. Training was going fine. He was spending a lot of time getting to know Viktor. But since Yurio had come along, his Vision had clouded. He was unsure if Viktor was going to stick around and coach him, because if Yurio won, Viktor would slip away from him and the time that they'd spent together would mean nothing.

Yuuri was doubting himself because he knew that Yurio was much better thank him. Unlike Yuuri, he had the confidence, self belief and talent needed to be a skater. He had all the things that Yuuri wish he had. Yuuri was never a skating prodigy, but Yurio was. Yuuri had worked and worked for years to get where he was now. Yurio was just a naturally talented skater, and that bugged Yuuri because he'd never know how hard it was to actually start from scratch and develop the talent needed. 

Yuuri had struggled his whole life to find the right motivation and support, but the past years had been horrible. Thinking back to all the things Izo had said about him made him want to cry. He was probably the reason his confidence was so low. Being called such things by the one person you love unconditionally was not a very nice feeling at all. Yuuri believed every word that came out of his Boyfriends mouth, because they were true. He couldn't help wish that he was someone totally different.

That reminded Yuuri that in the present time, Izo was still his boyfriend. After all, he hadn't broken up wit him, had he? Yuuri had just caught him cheating. He was going to break up with him after he finished his skating session. Yuuri was never liked the thought of breaking up with someone over the phone, but Yuuri would feel a lot safer doing so, and Yuuri didn't know if he could stand the sight of him anymore after what he'd done.

Yuuri reached the ice rink and immediately grabbed his skates out his bag and put them on. He caught his breath for a moment before standing up.

"Hey Yuuri, how's it going? How's Viktor?" Yuko greeted him.

"Uh- good thanks. Can I skate for a bit please?" Yuuri asked politely. Yuko nodded before going back to doing whatever it was she was doing before Yuuri arrived. Yuuri thanked her before walking and entering the rink. Yuuri truly loved the feeling of the ice beneath his blades- it was so relaxing to him. He skated back and forth for a few minutes, just enjoying the feeling. He decided to practice a few of the step sequences that Vikor had showed him and attempted to land a quadruple Salchow.

Meanwhile, Viktor, Takeshi and Yuko stood watching the boy stake, unknown to Yuuri.

"He's always come to skate when he's feeling nervous or anxious. He wants to practice when he feels like that. It's like a coping mechanism for him, you know? He's struggled with self confidence, body image and anxiety for most of his career and that can't be easy. I want him to succeed, you know. I-i just don't want him to quit after all the work he's put in. He didn't even talk to his friends. He hardly had a proper childhood because he was too busy skating. He was never good at making friends anyway. He's hated crowds of people and he's never been good with them. I just pray this won't be the end for him." Yuko rambled.

They were all silent for a bit. The three of them watched Yuuri skate across the ice flawlessly. Viktor was bedazzled by him. He well and truly took his breath away. He wanted to make sure that Yuuri succeeded because god did that boy deserve the world. He was so precious. He was so beautiful. Viktor wanted to show off his Yuuri to the world. He was so proud of him.

Viktor thanked the two before leaving the building. That's all Viktor needed to do was to build Yuuri's confidence and make him believe in himself. He was going to show him the love and support he deserved. Then, Viktor was sure he'd have a worthy Grand Prix Final winner.

\---

Yuuri skated for a good half an hour, practically until his body was screaming for his to stop. He exited the rink and walked over to the benches. He untied his laces before putting the skate guards back on and placing them into his bag. He thanked Yuko and Takeshi before exiting the building.

Yuuri pulled out his phone. His stomach flipped. He was going to do it. He was determined. He was going to break up with Izo. His palms went sweaty as he loaded up Izo's contact and pressed call. He took a deep breath before pressing his phone to his ear.  
It rang a few times before Izo picked up. Yuuri was sure his heart was in his mouth by now.

"Yuuri! I was just going to call you! Please come over, I'm lonely!" Izo chirped.

Yuuri couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was Izo really going to play innocent after what he'd done?

"What the fuck." Yuuri said plainly. Izo fell silent. "You have some nerve to act like that after what happened last night."

"Yuuri, what are you taking about?" Izo Asked and laughed nervously.

"You know damn right what I'm talking about. I walked in on you kissing another man Izo." Yuuri yelled.

"......and?" Izo scoffed. "You do didn't want to have sex with me, what did you expect me to do?! I have my needs!" 

"Jesus Christ I've said that I'm not comfortable in doing all that yet. Yet, Izo. I didn't say never. And cut the crap with the 'I have needs'. We all do Izo, but that isn't a good enough reason to cheat on someone for three.fucking.years" Yuuri yelled down the line.

"How did you know that it was for three years?" Izo asked, obviously shocked.

"I saw the text he sent you."

"You shouldn't be going through my phone! It's my private business, not yours!" He exclaimed.

"You can say that again! How many times did you go through my phone in case I was talking to someone else? You wouldn't even let me leave the house without you!" Yuuri scoffed.

"Yeah well that was different! I couldn't trust you!" Izo yelled. "Plus, Hiroko gives me what I want. He's a better boyfriend than you ever will be." 

Yuuri's sure his head shattered. He'd only tried his best. He tried so so hard to be a good enough boyfriend, but he just had it thrown back in his face.

"I am not an object for you to use Izo, I'm a human with valid feelings. Did five years of our relationship really mean nothing to you?" Yuuri asked.

Izo stayed silent.

"Anyway, I called to say that I'm breaking up with you. I can't believe you cheated on me for three years behind my back. You're disgusting, you know that?" Yuuri didn't hold back in saying what he wanted to say.

"No! You can't! Don't you fucking dare, take it back now!" Izo suddenly yelled. 

"Izo, you have another boyfriend, go fuck him instead of screaming at me." Yuuri scoffed. Despite acting how he was, Yuuri was terrified on the inside. Terrified of what Izo was going to do to him if they ever crossed paths again.

"Yuuri Katsuki, take it back right now." Izo demanded.

"No. you cheated on me. Bye, have a nice life."

"You just wait Yuuri, I'm coming for you." 

\---------


	11. Don't leave me

To say that Yuuri woke up the next morning absolutely terrified was an understatement. He lay in bed for a good ten minutes and stared blankly at the ceiling. Izo's words sounded like a threat. He couldn't stop replaying them in his head. He knew where Yuuri lived, he knew his daily routine, he knew where he went all the time. Yuuri knew better than anyone what Izo was capable of. Yuuri prayed to any god that existed that Izo wouldn't find him, because he knew only too well what that man would do to him.

He felt physically better today. He'd actually managed to get a few hours sleep, which relived Yuuri because he didn't know if he could cope with another sleepless night. His back still ached but he could deal with it. He'd had worse. 

He got out of bed slowly and put all of his training gear on. He grabbed his skates and shoved them into his bag before slinging it over his shoulder. He walked out of his room and downstairs, only to be greeted by Viktor. 

"Good morning! Did you sleep well?" Viktor smiled. 

"Uh, It was okay. How about you?" Yuuri replied.

"It was lonely. Even Makkachin didn't want to sleep with me!" Viktor huffed and Pouted. "Anyway, I was just going to head up to the rink. You can come up a bit later with Yurio if you'd like to."

Yuuri was not going to leave Viktor's side today. He was too terrified. He'd probably come off as clingy, but Viktor was the only person he felt mildly safe around.

"N-no! I'll come with you!" Yuuri stuttered. "I mean...if that's okay with you."

"It's fine, did you eat breakfast?" Viktor asked. Yuuri hesitated before shaking his head. Viktor paused for a second before rummaging through his bag and pulling out on energy bar. He handed it to Yuuri. "Eat this, I'll keep you going till dinner."

"O-okay, thank you." Yuuri opened the packet and took a bite. It tasted decent. He could make do of that for now.

"Shall we get going?" Viktor asked Yuuri. He nodded in return. Viktor grabbed his coat and bag before walking out the door with Yuuri by his side.

"Hey! Where d'you think you're going without me, idiots!" A voice called from behind them. Both turned around to see Yurio standing there, his hair a mess and in his pyjamas. He shot both of them a glare.

"We were just going to head up to the rink. You can join us later if you like." Viktor cheered.

"No way am I letting fatso there have you all to himself. Wait for me. I'll be ready in two minutes!" Yurio yelled before sprinting off to his room.

"Geez, does he ever stop?" Viktor scratched his head. "C'mon Yuuri, let's wait outside."

They both walked outside together and sat down on the wall. Yuuri rubbed his hands together because he was absolutely freezing. The cold morning air was enough to freeze him to death. He looked out to the sea as the sun was rising, casting hundreds of different colours across the long stretch of water. Yuuri could remember watching the sun rise as a little kid. He'd always wake up extra early so that he could see all the beautiful colours. Yuuri smiled at the memory. 

He shuddered as a particularly cold blast of wind made him curl up into a ball to try and preserve some warmth. Viktor looked down at Yuuri as he sat there with his knees up to his chest. The tip of his nose and his cheeks were red from the cold. Viktor smiled slightly.

"Cold?" He asked.

"Very." Yuuri replied. Viktor paused for a second before speaking again.

"Come here-" Viktor reached out and pulled Yuuri into his arms. He pulled his right arm out of his long brown coat and stuck it around Yuuri so that they were sharing it. Viktor hesitantly wrapped his arms around Yuuri, and rested his head on his. "Better?"

Yuuri didn't know what to say. He was blushing too much. He was so so close to Viktor. He wasn't used to it. But Viktor was warm, and that was all that mattered. Viktor was always warm. He was lucky to have him around.

Yuuri tried to relax, but he was automatically tense because of the conversation from last night. He didn't know if Izo was lying and trying to scare him, but either way Yuuri was terrified out of his mind. He wasn't just scared for himself. He didn't want Viktor to get hurt. Viktor meant so much to him. He couldn't bare the thought of Viktor getting hurt because of him. He'd never be able to live with himself.

"Yuuri, what are you thinking about right now?" Viktor spoke after a long silence. Viktor had noticed that Yuuri had been distant for the passed few days. There was obviously something wrong, and Viktor hoped that Yuuri would talk to him about it because we wanted to understand Yuuri better. He wanted to be there for him. Was it something to do with the phone call he'd overheard?

"Nothing..." Yuuri mumbled. He closed his eyes. Viktor was only trying to help him. Yuuri tried to reassure himself. He reminded himself that Viktor had said multiple times that he wanted to support him. It was a strange feeling to Yuuri to have someone actually want to support him. He'd never had someone in his life like that until now. He couldn't help but doubt Viktor though, because if Yurio won this 'hotsprings on ice' thing, Viktor would leave him and forget about his very existence. He could enjoy a little bit of Viktor and   
his' time. Even if it was just for now. "I- I'm just scared of loosing you."

Now it was Viktor's turn to be flustered. He was not expecting Yuuri to be so bold. Why was he scared of losing him? Was it because he'd agreed to go back to Russia if Yurio won the hotsprings on ice? Viktor didn't know what to do. He wasn't one to break his promises, but he himself in all honesty wanted to stay in Hasetsu and coach Yuuri. He was scared that Yuuri would quit skating if he left, and someone as expressive and gorgeous as Yuuri didn't deserve to quit. Yuuri deserved the earth and all the stars around it. Viktor could feel his cheeks heating up and tried his best to not let it show. He was lucky that Yuuri was shorter than him and couldn't see his face or Viktor would have cried from embarrassment. No one had made him feel this way. Ever.

Before Viktor could say anything, Yurio came storming out of the house and stood there impatiently. 

"We haven't got all day, I want to see my program!" Yurio narrowed his eyes at Viktor. Viktor huffed before moving his arm from around Yuuri and standing up. He slid his arm back into the sleeve and stood up. Viktor grumbled to himself. Yuuri was warm. He wanted him back.

Yuuri shivered once Viktor was taken away from him. He wanted him back. Viktor was lovely and warm. He felt safe. Yuuri stood up and quietly thanked Viktor. He smiled back at him before the three went on their way up to the ice rink. Yurio and Viktor bickered at each other for the whole time, which was very entertaining to Yuuri. He watched as both of them threw insults at each other. Viktor brushed them off like the happy-go-lucky guy he was, and Yurio was getting more and more worked up, like the angry child he was.

Yuuri couldn't help but be overly wary of his surroundings. He didn't feel safe in the slightest. He was so scared because he knew that Izo was in his hometown and could pop up at any minute. Yuuri knew it was highly unlikely in broad daylight but he was still wary. The thing was, Izo was really smart. That was another disadvantage to Yuuri. To put it simply, Yuuri prayed to god that nothing would happen because he would put him and the people around him in danger.

Once they'd reached the ice rink and put on their skates and gloves, they entered the rink and skated over to where Viktor was. He had a CD player resting on the side of the rink and was waiting patiently. Once he saw both of his students approach him, he smiled at both and stood up properly rather than slouching against the side as he was before.

"Okay, today I will reveal the music you will both be skating to. They're both the same piece they just have different arrangements. They first one- On regards to love: Agape. Unconditional Love." Viktor announced. "I want you to tell me what you feel while listening to these."

Viktor pressed the play button and let the piece ring out though the rink. Yuuri thought for a minute. It was a beautiful piece, no denying it. It was calming and full of emotion.

"It's really innocent. It's like......someone who doesn't know what love is yet." Yuuri stated. Viktor nodded in agreement with him.

"Uh for god sake shut up with this innocent crap. You're making me sick." Yurio complained as the piece came to an end.

"Okay, onto the next one. On regards to Love: Eros. Sexual love." Viktor announced before pressing the play button.

Yuuri's eyes immediately lit up. It was like a totally different piece. It was lively and exciting, but sexual love wasn't a thing that Yuuri could express yet. He was to afraid to put himself out there and show the world. 

"I like this one better. I want to skate to this one." Yurio demanded.

"Yuuri, what's your opinion in it?" Viktor asked curiously.

"Uh, It was very...um, Eros." Was the only reply Yuuri could think of giving. Viktor chuckled. He pressed the stop button and removed the disk.

"You've both now heard the two different arrangements, so this is how I'm assigning them." Viktor told them. Yuuri prayed that he wouldn't get assigned Eros. He probably wouldn't because Yurio was so persistent and determined to get his own way, he'd probably get what he wanted. There was an unbearable silence before Viktor spoke again.

"Yuuri, you will skate to Eros. Yurio, you will skate to Agape." Viktor pointed his finger to each of them as he assigned them their pieces. Yuuri turned to Viktor with a 'oh fuck' expression. Yurio didn't seem to be happy either.

"I am not skating to some innocent bullshit you bastard! Swap them over!" Yurio demanded. Viktor shook his head.

"You've got to do the opposite of what people expect you to do, Yurio. You'll be fine." Viktor reassured him. Yurio grumbled. 

"You better give me a programme that'll make me win against fatso by there!" Yurio threatened him. "If I win, you'll come back to Russia and coach me, understand?" 

"Okay. Sounds fair enough. Yuuri! What would you like if you win?" Viktor turned to the black haired male and asked him.

Yuuri knew what he wanted. He only wanted a small bit of Viktor's time. That's all he asked for. Was he being to selfish though? Viktor was the most famous skater in figure skating history. Yuuri didn't deserve him. Yuuri cherished each moment they spent together, because he knew how easily Viktor could slip through his fingers. He was going to hold onto Viktor. He was never going to let go of him. The time they spent together meant so much to Yuuri, although Yuuri knew that he probably meant nothing to Viktor. Viktor was too good for him, and Yuuri was only too aware of that fact.

"I just want to spend time with you. I want to keep winning and keep spending time with you." Yuuri let out after a few minutes of silence. Viktor's eyes glowed. Yuuri never failed to surprise him. He never failed to take Viktor's breath away. Yuuri's cheeks heated up again and his heart beat rapidly. Did I just say that? Yuuri thought to himself.

"Of course." Viktor replied and cracked a genuine smile to Yuuri. Yuuri's heart swelled up again. He felt warm. His smiled was so pure. Yuuri felt like he was starting at an angel. Viktor was his angel.

\-----------

That evening, after Viktor had showed both Yuri's their routines, they were desperately trying to figure out what Agape and Eros was to them. Viktor had strictly announced that they wouldn't get to enter the rink until they figured out what it was to them. Both thought long and hard. They'd visited the temple and everything, and been to the waterfall for some reason. Yurio had already figured out what Agape was to him, so why couldn't Yuuri figure out what Eros was to him? Why was he finding it so difficult? Was it because he'd done anything even mildly sexual in his life (apart from the two times Izo forced himself onto Yuuri)? Yuuri was always the one who was left behind. No matter for what or why, he was always last.

Yuuri tapped his finger impatiently on the table as he thought long and hard. It was getting annoying now. Why couldn't he come up with anything? Why didn't he just lie? Viktor would probably see through him, that's why. Yuuri got up and left the room. Viktor looked at him in confusion. Once he was out of the room he kicked the wall and slammed his head against it

"Why.can't.i.bloody.think"Yuuri grumbled. Yuuri entered the room again with a red forehead and Viktor's eyes on him.

"Is something wrong Yuuri?" Viktor questioned. 

"It's nothing." Yuuri mumbled before resting his head on the table. What made him loose the ability to think properly? What did he drool over when he thought about it (aside from Viktor)? 

"I've got it! Pork cutlet bowls are Eros to me!" Yuuri sat up. He soon realised that he had actually said it out loud. Ohmygodohmygodwhatthefuck was the only thing going through Yuuri's head. He probably sounded like a total moron. Wha was worse was he'd said it in front of his idol.

"Okay. We can go with that." Viktor giggled. He watched as Yuuri turned the darkest shade of red he'd ever seen, and bolt out the door.

"Was he serious?" Yurio scoffed.

"Hey, show him some respect." Viktor scolded Yurio. He just rolled his eyes before going back to playing on his phone.

Meanwhile, Yuuri was up in his bedroom under the covers, still trying to get over the embarrassment of what it's happened. He could believe that he'd said that in front of Viktor. Viktor was probably going to make a laughing stock out of him now. Yuuri groaned and curled up into a small ball. It wasn't his fault that he had never had any sexual feelings towards anyone yet, it was just the way he was. He felt that he had more of a chance of developing sexual feelings towards someone if they had a strong, emotional bond between each other, and Yuuri had never experienced or come across someone like that defies. Until now. 

Yuuri was scared he was starting to develop feelings for Viktor. He felt something for him, and there was no denying that. He always felt flustered around him and his heart was always racing. He was scared to develop a strong bond with Viktor incase the feelings came with it. But Yuuri knew it was already too late, because there was something, there was something there. It could be fatal to Yuuri. If Viktor happened to just get up and leave him one day, which Yuuri was only too aware of how easy that was to do, he knew for a fact that he'd never recover.

He was still torn up between him and Izo. Yuuri knew he'd never get over the fact that he'd been cheated on and used for around three years. He felt disgusting. He was terrified. He was even more terrified of the threatening messages he'd been hiding for the past day. Soon or later, something was going to happen, and Yuuri wasn't ready for it in the slightest.

He closed his eyes and rolled over onto his side. He fell asleep quite quickly, but if he knew of what his dreams would bring to him, he wouldn't have.

\-----

Yuuri was being chased. He didn't know by who, but he just wanted to get out. He was running down a dark corridor. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears and the footsteps behind him. He turned a corner quickly. Blood. There was blood everywhere. It was also a dead end, except there was a room to his right.

Without thinking twice, he sprinted into the room and closed the door behind him. There was no lock on it. He could hear footsteps echoing outside the door. He turned around to see that the room he was in was covered in blood. There was a single chair in the middle of the room. Something bad must have happened in this room.

"Yuuri my love, open up!" A voice cooed. Izo. Oh god no. Not him. "I've chased you all this way, won't it be a shame to let you go at the last minute?"

Yuuri tried to scream at him to get away, but he couldn't. Nothing came out. He tried and tried.

"Wouldn't it be a shame if I got my hands on the one person you care for more than anyone?" Izo sighed. "Too late. He's already dead. Why don't you come and see him?"

Yuuri didn't know why, but he got up and carried himself over to the door. With shaking hands, he twisted the door knob and opened it slowly. He was immediately greeted with Izo who had a smirk spread across his face.

"No we can be happy together, forever." His smirk grew. "No one will ever stop us. He's out of my way now."

Izo stepped out of the way, and Yuuri was greeted by the horrific sight of Viktor's mangled and bloodied body lying on the floor.  
\-------

Yuuri woke up with a jolt. His breathing was rapid and his heart was pounding furiously. He was shaking. He was crying. He'd had another nightmare. He kept telling himself that it was only a dream, but as always, it seemed so so real.

Viktor.

Yuuri didn't think twice about it. Even though he was terrified. Yuuri leaped out of bed, grabbed his phone and ran downstairs. He made sure he wasn't loud enough to wake his family up. He ran down the corridor and bolted into Viktor's room. He dived onto the bed where Viktor and Makkachin were sleeping soundly. 

"Viktor. Viktor. Please wake up." Yuuri began crying. His dream had been so realistic. At least Viktor was there with him. Yuuri just needed the reassurance that he was actually alive, No matter how stupid that sounded. Viktor groaned before opening him eyes.

"What the- Oh, Yuuri, what's wrong?" Viktor bolted up once he realised Yuuri was crying. Yuuri just tackled Viktor into a hug and cried into his shoulder for a moment.

"I had a nightmare." Yuuri said once he'd calmed down a bit. Viktor patted his head.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Viktor asked. Viktor was tense. He was usless at claiming people down. He hoped he was doing an okay job. Yuuri hesitantly nodded. Viktor was grateful that Yuuri was beginning to trust him more.

"I-i was being chased and- and there was blood Viktor, there was so much blood. I ran into this room and he came knocking and- and he said that he'd kill the person I- I care for more than anyone. I opened the door and you were mangled on the floor Viktor- I don't know how to forget what I saw I-" Yuuri cried. He cupped his face in his hands and began bawling again.

"Yuuri. Look at me." Viktor said before taking Yuuri's hands into his. "I'm here. I'm here. Nothing is going to happen to either of us. I promise you." 

"C-can I sleep with you tonight?" Yuuri stuttered. There was no way that he was going to leave Viktor. Not after what he'd just been through. 

"Of course, if it'd make you feel safer." Viktor replied. "Can I ask you something though?" 

Yuuri nodded.

"Who's 'he'?" 

Yuuri froze. How was he supposed to answer that? He didn't want anyone knowing about what happened between him and Izo. Yuuri know he couldn't lie though, because Viktor would see through him, but one question only lead to another. He could trust Viktor though, right? He wanted to prove to him that their relationship was of a significance to Yuuri even if he did go back to Russia.

"Uh, it was Izo, my boyfriend. Well, Ex-boyfriend..." Yuuri looked away from Viktor.

"Oh...I see. Did something happen?" Viktor asked. There it was. It wasn't like Viktor was forcing Yuuri to tell him. He only cared for Yuuri and wanted the best for him.

"I-uh, I found out he cheated on me for three years..." Yuuri could feel the fear coming back to him. Not that it had left in the first place. What was he going to to do him?

Before he had time to think about anything else, he was pulled into a massive hug by Viktor. His muscular arms wrapped around Yuuri's torso, and Yuuri's head rested on Viktor's chest. Yuuri was blushing furiously again. No denying though, he could get used to this. The cuddling part, not the nightmare part.

"Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry Yuuri. You deserve so much better than that. What a scumbag. He never deserved you in the first place. What a twat. If I ever get my hands on him...god." Viktor ranted.  
"I'm sorry. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know." Yuuri replied in all honesty. He stayed silent and listened to the steady sound of Viktor's heart beat. He was here. He was actually a living and breathing person who Yuuri was currently cuddling with. He couldn't believe it.

"That's okay, don't worry. I know it's gonna take some time to get over it, but you'll eventually forget about him. I'm here for you, okay? Please talk to me more when you're feeling like this. I can't bear to watch you do this alone. I'm here with you okay?." Viktor reassured him, making Yuuri's heart flutter. Of course, Yuuri still wasn't over the nightmare, but he felt the tiniest bit safer in Viktor's arms. He was so warm. He knew that all his problems weren't going to just magically vanish overnight now that Viktor was here, but he had someone who supported him, and that was enough for Yuuri.

"Let's just cuddle for a bit." Viktor whispered before turning on his side and engulfing Yuuri into a massive hug. His arms snaked around Yuuri's waist, and Yuuri's head was buried into Viktor's shoulder.

"Hang on, just let me out my phone away-" Yuuri rolled over to put his phone of Viktor's bedside cabinet after a good ten minutes. He checked his notifications quickly. His heart stopped. He switched his phone off before turning back to Viktor and wrapping his arms around him, and Viktor doing the same to Yuuri. Yuuri buried his head into Viktor's shoulder and once again inhaled the viktory smell.

Despite being in Viktor's arms and feeling a tiny bit safer, Yuuri's heart was beating rapidly from the notification he'd just gotten.

From: Izo Suoh (cuntbag)  
To: Yuuri Katsuki.

5 more days. Watch out.


	12. One more night

Yuuri woke up later that morning pressed against someone's chest and had two arms wrapped around his torso. He opened his eyes slowly and looked up to see Viktor smiling at him. The morning air was cold, so Yuuri was lucky to have Viktor because he was like a giant human hot water bottle.

"Morning." Viktor greeted as he pulled Yuuri closer to him and placed a kiss on his forehead.

"M-morning." Yuuri stuttered as he blushed before hiding his face in Viktor's chest. Viktor smiled at him and began playing with Yuuri's hair.

Yuuri let out a small squeal. He loved when people played with his hair. He just loved he feeling of people twirling it around their fingers and running their hands through it. He started blushing uncontrollably again. Viktor giggled at him. He loved he feeling of Yuuri's hair running through his fingertips. It was so soft and silky, and smelt of cherries and vanilla. Viktor would describe it as 'a very Yuurii scent'.

"W-we should probably get up now..." Yuuri mumbled before trying to slither out of Viktor's grasp. Viktor whined as Yuuri slid off the bed and stood up.

"You were warm..." Viktor whined. He stared at Yuuri with pleading eyes in attempt to try and get him back into bed with him. Yuuri just smiled at him.

"Come on lazy bones, we need to practice. We only have 5 more days..." Yuuri trailed off.

"But..." Viktor tried to protest. Yuuri just glared at him until Viktor finally gave in and crawled out of bed. Yuuri grabbed his phone off the bed side cabinet and left the room.

Yuuri turned out of the door way only to end up colliding with a short Russian ball of anger.

"Hey! Watch where you're going." He shouted at Yuuri. Yuuri just looked at him with a confused expression. Did this boy ever chill?

"S-sorry..." Yuuri muttered before turning away.

"Hey! Wait! What were you doing in Viktor's room anyway?" Yuuri questioned him.

"Uh...n-nothing..." Yuuri panicked.

"We were just having a sleepover!" Viktor yelled from his bedroom. Yuuri sighed in relief before turning back to Yurio.

"It's not fair! You get Viktor all yourself!" Yurio grumbled. Yuuri just rolled his eyes and walked up to his bedroom. He quickly changed into his training gear, and once he was done he grabbed his bag before rushing downstairs.

"Okay! Are we ready to go?" Viktor asked both Yuri's once the three of them were ready. Both nodded. "I'm going to be cycling today, so you two will have to run!"

Yuuri was pretty sure that his soul just left his body. He couldn't be bothered to run. It was more of a case of not having any motivation to do so. He was still pretty shaken up from the nightmare he'd had earlier that morning. He tried to shake it off but the images kept coming back to him.

"Okay, let's go!" Viktor smiled before heading outside and hopping onto the bike He had borrowed off Yuuri. Viktor cycled at a decent pace, making it easy enough for the two to catch up with him and stay at a constant speed. Viktor kept a close watch on Yuuri and occasionally turned around to check that he was doing okay. He was worried because of what had happened last night. He knew that it wasn't possible to get over something like that in a few hours, so he was well aware that Yuuri was probably still a bit shaken up over it. He looked so pitiful though. His eyes were so sad.

Viktor was angry though. Angry at Izo for doing what he did. Yuuri must have been torn when he found out. For over half of the relationship Yuuri had been cheated on. Viktor couldn't, and didn't want to even begin imagining the pain of finding that out. That's what tore Viktor. What did Yuuri do to deserve such treatment? Why had Izo treated him like some sack of shit? Three years. Three years was a very long time. Viktor didn't even think he could comprehend. He wasn't surprised that Yuuri had been so distant. It obviously wasn't easy for him. It just pained Viktor to see him struggling by himself. That's why Viktor promised him to support him throughout everything. And he prayed to god that he would be able to keep his promise.

They reached the rink in quite a decent time. They sat down and caught their breath for a minute or two before pulling their skates out of their bags and putting them on. Once they'd removed their skate guards and entered the rink, Viktor went over their routines with them one by one. Of course, Yurio went first because of the inpatient little shit he was.

Yuuri stood on the side of the rink, watching as Yurio and Viktor skated his routine together. Yurio put so much emotion into it. He'd definitely found his Agape. He watched as they chatted and tried again and again. Yurio was such a talented skater, Yuuri was jealous. Yurio was one of those natural skaters and just had talent for skating. People like that bugged Yuuri because he'd worked so so hard to get where he was today, and yet someone like Yurio could just put on a pair of skates and be naturally good at it. Of course Yuuri knew how much practice that he put in but he was still agitated. Again, he was second best. 

He couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. Viktor and Yurio had probably known each other for years. They'd practiced under the same coach and everything. They were really comfortable and confident and around each other, and that's something Yuuri wish he had. Yuuri wanted to know what having confidence felt like, because at the moment he didn't have a single drop of it. He was trying. That's all he could do for now.

"Yuuri." Someone shaking his shoulders snapped him out of his thoughts. Viktor was right in front of him, gripping onto him like he was going to slip away at any minute. "You've been staring at the floor for ages now, what's up?"

"I-I'm fine." Yuuri replied and tore his gaze away from Viktor's eyes. Viktor's eyebrows knitted together and he began chewing on the inside of his lip.   
He sighed.

"If you say so..." he huffed. He was only trying to help. Viktor brushed it off. He knew it would take time for Yuuri to become comfortable around him, and he had to respect that. "Okay, it's your turn now."

Yuuri cracked the smallest of smiles out of his chapped lips. He was finally going to be skating with Viktor by his side. His stomach was doing flips.

They began by practicing all the jumps Yuuri was going to do. Viktor wanted to make sure that Yuuri was comfortable in doing them before he wrote them down. They then progressed to skating the first half of the program. They skated side by side, and in all honesty Yuuri was enjoying it far too much than he should have been. There were a few mistakes here and there but Viktor always helped Yuuri fix them. Yuuri was lucky that he was quite a fast learner. It came in handy a lot. 

After a good few hours, they decided to call it a day and finish practice. They'd worked out the first half of their programs, they just needed to learn the second half and then they could work on perfecting them. Yuuri sat down next to Viktor on the bench as he pulled his skates off and placed them in his bag before slinging it over his shoulder.

"I'm hungry..." Viktor whined. It was only 4:37. They'd had dinner just around three hours ago. Yuuri thought for a moment. He could think of a few places to go for food.

"There's a small ice cream shop not far away from here, and it's down the sea front. I-I could take you there if you'd like...." Yuuri suggested.

"Ooooo that sounds good!" Viktor's eyes lit up. Yuuri smiled and then nodded. Both of them got up to leave before they were stopped by Yurio calling them back. 

"Where are you two going?" He yelled after them. Both turned around to look at Yurio

"We were just going to get ice cream. D'you want to come?" Viktor asked him. Yurio's eyes lit up.

"Hell yeah. Wait a sec." he rushed to grab his bag and jacket before joining them. Viktor got on the bike and cycled slowly because 1) he didn't know where he was going so he needed to follow Yuuri and 2) his legs were dead after all the practicing he'd done with his two pupils.

They walked down to the seafront slowly, it only took about 5 minutes before a small café came into sight. Yuuri pointed it out to them. It had multiple chairs and tables outside so that a lot of people could enjoy the stunning view. Yuuri was relived that there weren't many people there.

"I'll race you to the cafe. Loser buys ice creams for everyone!" Viktor suddenly announced before taking off on his bike.

"You bastard!" Yurio shouted before sprinting off, leaving Yuuri behind. Yuuri began to jog slightly, but knew he'd lost anyway. He really didn't feel like running. He was really nervous . He hated, absolutely hated ordering food and stuff like that. He had trouble talking to people and found it really hard not to stutter or mess up his words.

Once he'd reached where the other two were, he looked at Viktor with eyes full of fear. Viktor hadn't seemed to notice.  
They entered the cafe and then went straight to the counter to decide what flavours they wanted.

"I'll have the sticky toffee one." Yuuri announced. 

"Say please Yurio. Be nice." Viktor warned him

"No."

"Yes.

"No."

"Yurio."

"Please!" He shouted. Viktor just laughed. The kid was impossible sometimes.

"Can I have a mint chocolate chip one please Yuuri." Viktor told him and made sure to emphasise the please, just to piss Yurio off. Yurio just glared back at him.

"O-okay." Yuuri said shakily. He fumbled around in his pocket for his wallet for a few moments before pulling it out. His heart was beating so fast. He could feel his mouth dry up and his palm going sweaty. He didn't want to speak. He knew it was only a little thing, but he'd already been overthinking the situation. With shaking hands, he pulled out a few yen and held them in his hands. Yuuri was shaking.

Viktor looked down on Yuuri and saw his hands shaking. Viktor was confused at first but quickly caught on. He grabbed Yuuri's hand, taking him by surprise.

"You're shaking." Viktor told him while looking into his eyes. Yuuri looked away before answering.

"I'm, I'm just not very good at talking to people..." Yuuri said quietly. Viktor understood. 

"What flavour are you going to have?"  
Viktor asked Yuuri.

"Uh, p-probably cookies and cream..." Yuuri said quietly. He saw the cashier come over to serve them and ran over in his head what he was going to say around 2,000 times.

"Good evening! What would you like to order." She smiled.

"Oh- I- I'd like to order i-ice creams please..." Yuuri stuttered while fumbling with his fingers.

Viktor looked over at Yuuri with pitty. He knew the boy was struggling, and it killed him that he couldn't do anything to help because despite having learned a good amount of Japanese from Yuuri, he could really hold a proper conversation. Instead, he walked over to Yuuri and grabbed his spare hand. He could feel him trembling slightly.

Viktor was more than aware of the fact that Yuuri's fears and problems wouldn't vanish overnight or just leave because he was there. He knew that Yuuri wouldn't just gain all the confidence in the world just by a few compliments off him. Viktor knew that. And he respected it. He was going to help Yuuri and support him through it. Because that's all that Viktor could do for now, and he would gladly stay by Yuuri's side until he was in a better place.

Yuuri relaxed the tiniest bit when he felt Viktor's hand in his. It was his way of saying 'don't worry, I'm here for you' and Yuuri loved that so much because Viktor was the only person he'd come across in his life who seemed to realise that Yuuri couldn't be magically fixed overnight.

After he'd completed the order and payed, Viktor squeezed his hand slightly. He was proud of Yuuri because he knew how scared he was. He smiled down at the blushing boy before leading him to a table outside. They sat down and waited for their ice creams to arrive. 

Yurio trailed behind them and sat down on the same table. He was so done with both of them, they obviously had something for each other but both seemed to be so oblivious. It was making him inpatient. Obviously, he'd been raised in a homophobic country and so had Viktor, so not many people actually supported LGBT couples (not that they were dating but Yurio was getting pissed off at the obliviousness of both males). He couldn't have cared less for who dated who, he just wanted to win this competition so that he'd have Viktor as his coach. He watched as the two giggled with each other and so obviously flirted.

When the ice creams finally arrived, Yurio decided to get up and move to a different table because he was being left out of the conversation that Yuuri and Viktor were currently having. He got up and turned to leave but tripped over the leg of the chair, resulting in him falling and landing flat on his face. His ice cream had gone all over his face and he was not in the slightest happy about it. He got up quickly and tried to cover it up.

Meanwhile, Yuuri and Viktor just stared at him and tried to contain their laughter because they knew they'd be slaughtered if they let out even the slightest giggle.

"Hey, don't laugh at me! I'll kill you!" Yurio grumbled at them. "I'm leaving. It's your fault for making us come here!"

Yuuri and Viktor just watched him as he stormed off. They sighed as the angry teenager disappeared out of sight.

"Aaaaaaand there he goes." Viktor commented. "At least we can be alone now..."

Yuuri chocked on his ice cream. He coughed for a bit as Viktor watched him with confusion. He wiped his mouth and turned back to Viktor with a blush on his cheeks. Viktor made sure to check that Yuuri was okay before continuing the conversation. Yuuri watched as the sun began to set over the sea, casting the same colours that Yuuri'd fallen in love with over the years. Viktor just stared at Yuuri. Of course, the sunset was breathtaking, but Viktor had his eyes set on someone far more breathtaking.

Yuuri looked over and caught Viktor staring at him. He blushed and immediately felt self conscious. He looked down at his feet in an attempt to distract himself.

"It's nice like this. Just you and me." Viktor commented. Yuuri hummed in agreement and lifted his head up to look at the sunset again. "It feels like...a date."

Yuuri looked over at Viktor with wide eyes. A date? With Viktor? Once more, Yuuri's heart swelled up and his cheeks became red. He never in his 23 years on earth imagined that those words would ever come out of someone's mouth.

"D-do you want it to be?" Yuuri blurted out. He had no idea what to do in this situation because he'd never imagined to hear that from anyone, let alone the Viktor Nikiforov.

"I...I don't know. It can be whatever you want it to be." Viktor replied and turned his gaze from the sunset to Yuuri. "Here, try some of this." 

Viktor stuck his arm out and offered Yuuri some of his ice cream. Yuuri looked hesitant so Viktor gave him a reassuring nod to show that it was okay. Yuuri took a small luck of it before having it booped on his nose.  
Viktor couldn't help but giggle at his expression as he wiped it off his nose.

"What was that for?" Yuuri pouted and stuck his bottom lip out. "Here, have some of mine."

Viktor leaned forward before having Yuuri's ice cream shoved in his face as a payback. It had gone everywhere. 

"Yuuri Katsuki, you little shit. You better run." Viktor gave him a playful glare before Yuuri let out a squeal. 

Yuuri shot up from his seat and started running down the staircase that lead to the beach. Once he was on the sand, he looked back and saw that Viktor was hot on his tail. He let out a laugh before running for all his worth. He could go fast when he wanted to. He quickly lost Viktor and began trying to evade him. 

A few minutes later, Yuuri saw that Viktor was lying on the sand and wasn't moving. His heart sank.

"Viktor!" He called. No response. Shitshitshitshit he thought to himself as he began running back to where Viktor was lying. "Viktor!"

He towered over his coach once he had reached him and went to kneel down by his side. What was wrong? Why wasn't he responding? He began panicking. What if there was something serious wrong with him?

Yuuri's worries were interrupted by someone tackling him to the ground and lying on top of him. Viktor was propping himself up with both arms and was hovering above Yuuri. Yuuri felt a wave of relief wash over him. Thank god he was okay.

"Did I scare you?" Viktor asked. His face was glowing due to the sunset, and by god did he look hot. Yuuri thought he prettiest person on earth.

"A little." Yuuri breathed out. Viktor layer his head down on Yuuri's chest and listened to his heartbeat. Yuuri was praying that he wouldn't think anything of the speed it was pumping because right now, it was racing. And it was all because of Viktor.

"I'm sorry." Viktor apologised. He let out a long breath and rolled off Yuuri. "This was fun. We should do this some other time."

"Yeah. Definitely." Yuuri agreed. He couldn't help but smile. Although he was struggling and trying to figure himself out, and had his heart shattered to pieces, Yuuri pushed those things (or at least tried to) to the back of him mind when he was with Viktor. He'd taught him how to live a little more. How to find beauty in everyday life. How to believe in himself more. He'd showed him endless support and encouragement and Yuuri would never be able to repay him for that. 

"You know what. I've decided." Yuuri breathed out after trying to build up the courage to speak for a few minutes. "I'd like this to be a date."

Yuuri turned and smiled at Viktor who nodded and blushed in agreement.

\------------

Over the next days, Yuuri and Yurio put in long hours of their precious time to perfect their routines. Yurio couldn't wait to perform his short program. He'd worked endlessly on putting his Agape into the routine, and was confident that he could win tomorrow. 

Meanwhile, Yuuri was terrified of performing it. He'd worked for so so long on it and didn't want to have wasted his and Viktor's time on nothing. His feet were in agony each day he came home and he'd had endless bruises from flubbing jumps. Even though it was the night before, he was already overthinking about the next day already.

It was different this time. It wasn't just Yuuri's pride and career at risk here. Viktor was too. He just didn't want to lose him. And that's what would happen if Yurio won tomorrow. Yuuri was so worked up about it. He'd hardly slept. The nightmares had returned too, and they were horrible, absolutely horrible. Yuuri was up most of the nights because he would be too terrified to go back to sleep. He would have gone into Viktor's room if he had the courage to again, but he didn't want to be a burden.

He sat up from his bed and ruffled his hair. He checked the time. 3:27am. It was the early hours of Saturday morning. In a few hours, he'd be skating to see if Viktor would stay or not. He didn't want to even fathom loosing Viktor. He really couldn't put enough emphasis on how scared he actually was.

He slowly got out of bed and threw on a warm jumper, accepting that he would probably not get anymore sleep that morning. He made his way downstairs quietly but cursed to himself when he tripped at the bottom of the stairs. He walked down the corridor and made his way out the front door. It was freezing.

He went around the back of his house and sat down on the bench overlooking the city. It was such a beautiful sight. The moon was reflecting on sea, and the stars were all shining brightly above him. He'd never get used to the sight. No matter how many times, it would always take his breath away. Yuuri began humming to himself. The city lights made him realise how insignificant he actually was. He didn't know if that thought comforted him or scared him.

He sat there for a good 15 minutes, alone and shivering, before he felt a warm presence beside him. He turned to see Viktor wrapped in a blanket and in his pyjamas. He sat down by Yuuri and wrapped his arms around him. Viktor was warm as usual. He wrapped his arms around Viktor too.

"What are you doing out here at this time?" Viktor questioned Yuuri, as he watched the glowing city.

"I could ask the same to you." Yuuri replied. He huffed before looking up at the stars. "I'm just really nervous for today."

"Of course you are. I should have known." Viktor chuckled. "You'll be fine. We've been over it hundreds of times, you'll do amazingly well I promise you. Whatever happens, happens." 

Yuuri hummed in response.

"D'you come out here often when you're nervous?" Viktor questioned him. Yuuri nodded. They stayed silent for awhile, just admiring the beauty of the city. 

"We should go back inside and get some sleep." Yuuri mumbled before standing up. He lead Viktor back inside and they both went to go their separate ways.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Viktor whispered loudly. "Come and sleep with me!" He whined.

Yuuri just smiled. Of course he was going to ask that. He made his way back down a few steps and walked with Viktor to his room. It could be the last time that they slept in the same bed together. Even if it was just for a few hours, Yuuri wanted to make the most of it. He never wanted to let go of Viktor.

Makkachin wagged his tail as they entered the door and they pet him and gave him the attention he deserved. Viktor spread the blanket on top of the quilt and got into bed. He signalled for Yuuri to join him a few seconds later. Yuuri was one to always wait for consent before doing something. He got into bed and Viktor immediately wrapped his arms around him. Yuuri snugged into his chest and was blushing like a mad man, but he didn't mind. He wanted to make the most of the time he had left with Viktor. 

Their cuddling session was interrupted by Yuuri's phone going off. He huffed before Yuuri rolled out of Viktor's arms to check his notifications. His heart stopped. He froze. He could feel numbness course through his entire body. He went back to cuddling with Viktor like nothing had happened because he wanted to enjoy the rest of the time they had left together. In reality, Yuuri's heart was pounding out of nervousness and he couldn't seem to forget what he'd just saw.

From: Izo Suoh (cuntbag)  
To: Katsuki Yuuri.

Today.


	13. Terrified

Yuuri had hardly slept that night. He was too anxious. He was possibly spending his last few hours with Viktor. Ever. That scared him to death, because all the memories and times they'd spent together would be insignificant and wasted, and Viktor would end up forgetting about him. He looked up at Viktor, who was still sleeping but had his arms wrapped around Yuuri. He was to beautiful. He was so flawless. Even when he was sleeping he looked like some kind of God. 

Yuuri wiggled around and reached for his phone to check the time. 8:57. It was way past the time they should have gotten up for practicing their program one more time. Yuuri set his phone down and turned back around to face Viktor. It was time for him to get his lazy ass out of bed. Yuuri wanted to spend as much time as he could with Viktor today because he was more than aware that today could be the last day they'd spend together.

He tried to shake him lightly first, but got no response. Yuuri rolled his eyes. He shifted up to that he was now face level with Viktor, which was more difficult than Yuuri anticipated because of Viktor's tight grip around him. Yuuri tried booping his nose. Yuuri found Viktor's nose adorable, it was so boopable and soft. Yuuri started getting agitated. Viktor was a really deep sleeper so it took a lot to wake the man up.

Yuuri reached up and began playing with his hair. Yuuri had always wanted to touch his hair. It had always looked so soft and fluffy. It was shiny and silky this morning and Yuuri loved it. He twirled it around in his fingertips and tried plaiting a bit of it. He managed to do his entire fringe, and in all honesty Yuuri didn't think that Viktor should ever go for that look. Viktor still hadn't woken up, and Yuuri was half thinking of chucking a bucket of water over him or pushing him out of bed.

Yuuri managed to pry Viktor's arms off him, and sat up and looked at the sleeping man in front of him. He was like a little child and Yuuri often had to stop him from doing crazy things. Yuuri didn't mind though. He still adored him the same amount. And goddamn did he look attractive while he was sleeping. Yuuri didn't know how, but Viktor looked stunning doing everything he did. Yuuri was jealous of that trait.

Viktor really needed to get up now, so Yuuri opted for the easy way to wake him up. He Leaned down and poked Viktor in the ribs and began tickling him. Viktor shot up immediately and grabbed his stomach. He began laughing really hard as Yuuri continued to poke him in the ribs. His face turned red and he screwed his eyes shut. Yuuri was blushing because Viktor's laugh was so angelic. He loved it.

Yuuri didn't know if having Viktor around was a good thing or bad thing. He felt extremely self conscious around him and was extra careful not to say anything that could upset him or offend him. Viktor had always been Yuuri's idol, and it was strange for him to have someone so superior around, because Yuuri was used to people leaving him and hating him. This time it was different though. This time, he had Viktor Nikiforov. Yuuri decided that yes, it was a good think that Viktor was around because if he wasn't he would have probably given up skating for good if it wasn't for him. But would have that been better? He knew that most people hated his guts because he'd taken Viktor away from the main stage for a bit. Yuuri didn't mind though. Yuuri didn't mind because it was for Viktor.

"Why did you do that?!" Viktor spluttered after he'd properly woken up.

"We're late." Yuuri replied simply before running out of the room without another word. He dashed up to his bedroom and got changed quickly before grabbing his things and rushing back downstairs. He knocked on Viktor's door and a few seconds later, out came Viktor and smiled at Yuuri.

"How are you Yuuri?" Viktor asked since they hadn't had a chance to greet each other properly this morning.

"I-I'm slightly nervous..." Yuuri scratched the back of his head. Of course, Viktor thought to himself. He placed a hand on Yuuri's shoulder to reassure him.

"You're going to great Yuuri. You've been doing fine in practice so there's no reason why you can't win today." Viktor reassured him.

"Uh, there kind of is." Yuuri replied before nodding his head at Yurio who was standing right in front of them. He was ready to go. They'd picked their costumes out yesterday, and Yurio loved his costume to bits. It really brought out the blue in his eyes. "G-good luck today Yurio."

"What?" Yurio spat at him. Yuuri took a step back.

"Now, now Yurio. Yuuri's only trying to be nice. Chill." Viktor teased him. He just rolled his eyes at them.

"Both of you are late. We're leaving. Now." Yurio demanded and dragged them both outside with him. Yurio was desperate to practice before the event. He had to win. He wanted Viktor as his coach so badly, because he knew that he could win with Viktor's help. Viktor was one of the best choreographers around, so Yurio had full faith that he'd be able to win the Grand Prix final if Viktor helped him. He needed to win, whatever the cost.

Meanwhile, being the ball of Un-confidence he was, Yuuri was beginning to doubt himself already.  Despite the reassurance from Viktor, Yuuri knew that Yurio was much more talented than him and his chances of Viktor staying were slim. Very slim indeed. Yuuri was trying to mentally prepare himself. Could he handle another person leaving him? What would he do after Viktor left? 

Viktor had noticed that Yuuri had been extremely, extremely quiet on his way to the rink, and as they entered the building, he kept a close eye on him to see if there were any signs to give away what was bothering him so much. Meanwhile, Yuuri was desperately scanning around him. He was overly wary because of the text and he knew that something bad was going to happen today. He prayed it wouldn't be too bad, but he knew that Izo was involved at that definitely meant something bad. What if it was just a joke? A way to scare Yuuri so that he'd mess up? He'd been getting texts every day, counting down to today and only now he realised that it was probably something to do with this hot springs on ice shit.

Yuuri felt a hand suddenly touch his shoulder and he jumped out of his skin. He turned around quickly but instantly relaxed when he saw Viktor. He was looking at him with a confused expression.

"Is everything okay Yuuri?" Viktor asked, confused to why he'd just flinched at his touch. Yuuri normally relaxed when Viktor touched him. It was like his secret code to Yuuri to tell him 'don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay.' He'd never seen him like this before. Viktor was more than aware that there was something up. And Yuuri prayed to god that he wouldn't find out.

"Oh-uh, yeah..." Yuuri stumbled over his words. He still started blankly at the floor and played around with his fingers. He didn't want to look at Viktor, but then again, how could he ignore something so beautiful? Yurio had already gone and was practicing his routine already. 

Viktor sighed and leaned down in front of Yuuri. He opened his bag and pulled the boy's skates out. He undid Yuuri's shoes and with great difficulty, slid his skates on. He tightened the laces and made sure to tie a double knot. Just like Yuuri always did. Yuuri looked down at his coach. Yuuri felt so so guilty. He was only trying to help him. Yuuri was more than aware of that. But this time, no one could help him. Not even Viktor.

Yuuri gave a small smile to thank Viktor when he looked up at him, but Viktor just looked at him with a blank expression. Yuuri's smile instantly turned to a frown and he could feel his heart sinking. What had Yuuri done wrong? Was Viktor mad at him? Viktor's heart broke when he saw How quickly Yuuri's adorable little smile turned into a frown. Was his expression too harsh? Did he look pissed off at Yuuri?

Yuuri got up to leave but Viktor pulled him back down and grabbed his hand and started tracing circles on it.

"What's bothering you Yuuri? Talk to me..." Viktor pleaded.

"I don't want to talk about it..." Yuuri muttered. Viktor huffed. He took a deep breath before speaking.

"You trust me, right?" Viktor asked Yuuri. If Yuuri trusted him, why wasn't he willing to open up to him? "Please tell me."

Yuuri just buried his face in his hands and inhaled sharply. He stayed like that for a few minutes. Viktor just sat there awkwardly, waiting for a response.

He waited

And waited 

And waited 

"You don't get it do you?" Yuuri whispered and looked up at Viktor with eyes filled with tears. "I'm not comfortable with just opening up to people just like that. Sometimes I don't want to talk. I just want you to stay by my side and support me, because all of my worries and problems aren't going to vanish just because you're here. I-I know you probably don't care that much about me but- I don't know. Please respect that. It's not that I don't trust you. It's just- I need time. I'm trying my best. I really am."

Viktor wanted to slam his face into the wall. He was stupid. So so stupid. Viktor was so overwhelmed in trying to get Yuuri to open up to him that he'd lost his goal in the process. We was trying to build trust, not destroy it. Viktor leaned over and engulfed Yuuri into a massive hug. Yuuri wiped his tears away before hesitantly hugging back.

"Jesus Christ Yuuri I'm so sorry. I was just trying to get you to trust me, You know? I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry That I made you feel uncomfortable. I'm new to all this coaching thing. I'm trying my best too." Viktor apologised to him over and over. He felt so stupid. He promised Yuuri that he'd be there for him for matter what. He wasn't going to let that promise go, and despite getting off to a slightly rocky start, Viktor was determined to show Yuuri that even if he couldn't make him better, he'd be there to support him through it all.

"We should get practicing. It starts at 1..." Yuuri said after wiping his eyes and getting up from the seat. He turned to Viktor so was staring at him. Yuuri sighed before speaking.

"Viktor?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

\---------------

After around three hours of practicing, Yurio and Yuuri went off to get ready for their performances. Yurio was raring and eager to show everyone what he could do and why he deserved Viktor as his coach. He didn't stop or think twice about going out there. 

On the other hand, Yuuri was unsurprisingly alone and self destructing quietly. He was in the corner of the room, sitting down with his knees up to his chest and listening to music quietly. There was still a good hour before the competition started but people were already starting to come inside. His heart was doing flips. He felt sick. He just wanted to melt away and be forgotten about. Why did he even agree to do this anyway?

He couldn't ignore the message from this morning. No matter how hard he tried it seemed impossible for him to forget about it. He was terrified at the Very thought of Izo. He was just praying to any existing god that he wouldn't come across him today, although Yuuri knew that something was going to happen and he had no idea in hell what he was in for.

Viktor had been looking everywhere for Yuuri. He needed to give him his constume and make sure that he was okay because he knew how nervous he was. Viktor wanted to be there for Yuuri and to show him that he was a good coach who could support him through anything. He was scared that Yuuri would have another panic attack. Viktor didn't know much about them other than that they were terrifying (or seemed to be from what he'd seen of Yuuri's experiences) for whoever ever was experiencing them. He knew that it couldn't be very good for Yuuri's physical and mental health too.

Viktor walked into the toilets and called around for Yuuri. Nothing. He kicked one of the stalls in anger. Where the heck was this boy? Viktor took a deep breath before exiting. He noticed that there was one other door open at the end of the corridor. Viktor walked quickly towards it, praying that Yuuri was there because he was totally fucked if he wasn't.

"Yuuri...?" Viktor called as he pushed the door open. He popped his head around the door and scanned the room. The light was on and Viktor could see that it was extremely dusty. In the corner sat the boy that he'd been looking for for the past half an hour. He had his eyes closed and he was bunched up in a ball while listening to his music. Viktor looked at him in pity. Bless him, he was so scared and Viktor had no idea what to do. He walked over and tapped Yuuri's head. He immediately shot his eyes open and glanced up at Viktor, who was staring down at him. Viktor smiled and sat down next to him.

"You need to get ready, Yuuri." Viktor told him. He pulled Yuuri's costume out of his bag and handed it to him. Yuuri took it and sighed. 

"I-I'm not ready for this..." he mumbled to himself. He got up and leaned against the wall. "How did you find me anyway?"

"I looked literally everywhere for you, Yuuri. Why are you in here?" Viktor got up and questioned his pupil.

"I don't know...it's away from everyone. I- i like it here." Yuuri breathed. He bit his lip. He was really starting to feel sick. He checked his phone for the time. 12:08. He had 52 minutes. He was terrified. Terrified of the audience. Terrified of disappointing Viktor. Terrified of Izo. Terrified of letting everyone down. He walked out of the room with his eyes glued to the floor. He entered the bathroom and walked into one of the cubicles. He put the toilet lid down and sat on it. He wasn't ready. He was going to fail. He was going to disappoint.

He rubbed his eyes before taking his shoes and his clothes off and slipping on his costume. It was hard to do it in such a small space, but Yuuri managed. He gathered all of his clothes before opening the door to the cubicle and going straight over to the mirror. He didn't know what to think. He wasn't sure if the was happy with the costume. He felt really feminine in it and it was great. He loved it, but he couldn't help comparing himself to Viktor. He had looked so much prettier than Yuuri did when he was wearing this costume. He sighed sadly before exiting the toilets and going back into the storage room that he was in before.

He pushed the door open slowly and was immediately greeted by Viktor. Viktor just stared at him with his mouth wide open. Yuuri broke eye contact with him and went to place his clothes in Viktor's bag. Viktor couldn't take his eyes off Yuuri. He looked beautiful. He looked so stunning. Viktor couldn't describe how overwhelmed he was. Viktor was glad Yuuri was his pupil. He was also glad that Yuuri was single.

"W-why are you staring at me?" Yuuri questioned. Viktor hadn't taken his eyes off him since he had entered the room. He was beginning to feel extremely self conscious. "Does it really look that bad?"

"Yuuri, you look stunning." Viktor blurted out. He covered his mouth and turned a bright shade of red. Yuuri was also blushing like mad. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard. Yuuri went to leave but Viktor dragged him back. "I-never mind. Let me do your hair for you."

Yuuri looked at Viktor, but hesitantly agreed to let his coach do it. They sat down on the floor. Yuuri wasn't lying when he said that he had no idea what the outcome of this would be. In all honesty, Yuuri enjoyed it way more than he should have. Having someone play around with his hair was like heaven to him. Viktor handed Yuuri the mirror after he'd finished. He didn't look to bad. He looked different.

"Can I put some makeup on for you?" Viktor asked him. Yuuri nodded. He applied some silver eyeshadow and some highlighter. Viktor loved doing Yuuri's makeup, and Yuuri was overjoyed at how good Viktor actually was at doing it.

Viktor was trying his best not to high-key swoon over him, so he tried to keep it low-key. For now. Viktor complimented Yuuri again before leading him out. He was proud that he had such a beautiful student to show off to the world. A few people stopped what they were doing to look at Yuuri. He never failed to take everyone's breath away. Viktor was kind of Jealous. He wanted Yuuri for himself.  
They sat down and waited for the competition to begin. They had 20 minutes. Viktor helped Yuuri put his skates on a few minutes before the whole thing began.

Once it began, the introductions came. After everything was announced, it began. Yuuri was a ball of nerves while Yurio was a ball of confidence.

Yurio was up first.

Yuuri's heart was beating hard in his chest as he watched as his rival skated out to the middle of the rink. Yurio looked stunning. The costume suited him perfectly. Everyone went quiet as the teenager waited for the music to start. The music rang through the rink and Yurio started his routine perfectly. He glided around flawlessly. His jumps were all perfect. His step sequences were expressive and emotive. Everybody was glued to the performance.

Yurio was mad at himself. As the end of the program neared, he. Became arrogant. Suddenly, it wasn't about grandpa anymore, it was about proving his abilities and what he could do and why he deserved Viktor as his coach. Yurio knew he had lost his Agape, but the crowd were still roaring for him. As he entered the combination spin at the very end, he held back tears of anger.

I'm better than this. I'm better than this. Yurio repeated in his head. Dear god just let this be over. Yurio came out of the conbinaton spin and finished. A massive roar erupted through the rink. The crowd were hyped up for him. He left the rink, red and breathless and ready to kill someone. He was so so angry at himself. He sat down and took his skates off.

Now it was Yuuri's turn. 

Yuuri got up. He felt sick. He didn't want to move. All eyes and cameras would be on him in a few minutes. He didn't know how he was going to top Yurio's Agape performance, but he had to if he wanted Viktor to stay with him. He was mentally preparing himself for Viktor to leave.

"Yuuri." A voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked up to see Viktor. He was stood right in front of him. He was so close, their noses were nearly touching. "Good luck. You'll do amazing."

Yuuri just kind of threw himself onto Viktor. They both hugged each other tightly, like they were the only people left in the world.

"Please watch me." Yuuri asked him.

"How could I not?" Viktor replied. He smiled at Yuuri as he skated out to the middle of the rink. That boy was something else. Yuuri's heart was beating so fast. Pools of sweat were gathering in his palms. He couldn't believe we was doing this.

The music sounded out and he began. He'd practiced endlessly for this. The sleepless nights, the full days of training at the rink, the nights in Minako's ballet studio. They all came down to this. He knew who he was dancing for. He flung his head back and smirked at Viktor, earning a whistle from him. Yuuri's heart skipped a beat.

The first half of his routine was just a combination of step sequences. The made his way flawlessly through them. Nobody could take his eyes off him. Viktor was fixated on the man. He was so hot. He was so pretty. He wanted him all for himself. Once he'd finished his flawless step sequences, the second half came up.

His first jump was a triple axel from a spread eagle. He landed it successfully. He scanned the crowd as he gathered up momentum for the upcoming Quadruple Salchow. He prayed that he'd land his successfully, or his chances of winning were slim to none.

His heart stopped. His eyes grew wide and he completely fucked the jump. He got up quickly and tried to continue as best as he could.

He had just spotted Izo.

Yuuri was in full panic mode. He wanted this to be over with. He knew that Viktor might as well had left before he even started. Yuuri tried to focus again, but could keep picturing Izo in his head. Remember who you're dancing for he told himself. Viktor. The answer would always be and always was Viktor. The last jump, a Quadruple toe loop and a triple toe loop combo went well. He came out of them perfectly and then started the combination spin. His body was aching. His heart was aching. His head was aching. He spun out of it and then finished the last few steps to his routine. He finished and the crowd roared. Yurio turned around and left because he knew who had won. There was so much emotion in that performance. No one could ever beat that. Viktor couldn't stop smiling. Yuuri had done amazingly. He was so proud of him. 

Yuuri turned around and exited the rink with mix emotions displayed in his face. He looked overwhelmingly happy for one, but he also looked concerned. Viktor didn't ask because 1) he knew that happened last time and 2) it was time for celebration.

"Yuuri! That was amazing!" Viktor called. He ran over to him and was instantly tackled by the younger man. Viktor had a massive blush on his cheeks and so did Yuuri. Viktor pressed his lips to Yuuri's cheek, which made them both turn even more red. Both of them laughed it off and they lay in each other's arms for a while.

"Was I good enough?" Yuuri questioned. Viktor smiled. He could only think of giving one answer.

"Yes. Yes you were."

\------

After changing back to his normal outfit and being awarded, Yuuri left the bathroom and went to find Viktor. He had announced that he was going to be staying in Japan with him and that brought happiness beyond words to Yuuri. He was good enough to keep Viktor in Japan with him. He was so overjoyed. 

Yuuri's search was interrupted by his mother and father coming over to congratulate him. They seems really excited, and Yuuri was overjoyed that for once he'd made his parents proud, because he wasn't used to telling them good news. 

"We've got a surprise for you!" His mother clapped excitedly. Yuuri looked at them with confusion. He couldn't deny that he was slightly excited to find out. He spotted Viktor coming through the door to the rink and signaled for him to come over. He looked confused for some reason.

"Now, we know you've been extremely busy and haven't had a lot of time to spend it with your loved ones recently, so we thought we'd bring a special someone along with us!" Yuuri's mother smiled at him. His mother looked around the corner and signaled to whoever was there to come around. He was confused as hell, but it soon hit Yuuri like a truck.

Izo.

Izo was here 

Yuuri wanted to be sick.

They'd brought Izo along with them. And he was standing in front of Yuuri.   
Where they trying to kill their son or something? Did they know how dangerous this man was?

"Yuuri! Long time no see!" His ex-boyfriend smiled at him and wrapped his arms around him. 

"Y-yeah..." Yuuri replied.

He didn't know what to say. Izo was acting like nothing had happened. The cheating, the phone calls, the texts. Yuuri looked over Izo's shoulder to see Viktor standing there with disappointing written all over his face.  
Yuuri regretted not telling his parents they'd broken up, because he was in for it now. And there was no escaping.

"He phoned us last week telling us how much he missed you. We had to arrange something." Yuuri's mother explained. Yuuri tried to smile but he couldn't. Not even a fake one. He was too petrified.

"Yuuri. Can I have a word please?" A voice from behind Izo called. Viktor was sending a glare Yuuri's way. Oh fuck, was the only thing on Yuuri's mind right now. Yuuri nodded and left Izo for a moment to go to speak to Viktor alone. Yuuri was so relived. He tensed up again when he realised Viktor was glaring at him.

"What's wrong....?" Yuuri asked him hesitantly.

"You said that you'd broken up with Izo!" Viktor asked him in confusion , but made sure to keep his Voice low enough so that only them could hear. Yuuri could feel his eyes watering and his heart sink.

"I'm not lying I-i swear!" Yuuri choked out. So now his coach thought he was a liar.

"You're not lying are you? Well what the bloody hell is he doing out there?" Viktor glared daggers at Yuuri. Yuuri didn't reply. He couldn't reply. No matter what he said, Viktor wasn't going to believe him, was he? "I really don't know what to say."

Viktor shook his head in disappointment before leaving Yuuri on his own. Viktor was too blinded by Jealousy to see the truth. His only hope had gone. Viktor had just left him. And it was all Because of fucking Izo. He ruined everything, didn't he? Yuuri wiped his tears away before heading back out. He could see Viktor leaning on the desk, closely watching him. Viktor was too pissed off to talk to Yuuri at the moment.

"Yuuri! There you are! We're we're just about to leave. I'll make tea for all of you tonight. I take it we're all going how. Now?" Yuuri's mother smiled.

"One second Mrs Katsuki, I'd like to speak to Yuuri. Alone. We'll meet you all back at the house." Izo said suddenly. Yuuri's heart sank. He knew what was coming. It had happened so many times before. He wasn't prepared in the slightest. No matter how many times he'd done it.

A few 'oooooo's' came from Yuuri's family, and they agreed to let them have a moment together. Izo gripped onto Yuuri's shoulder and dug his nails into him. Yuuri was lead down the corridor. They were walking at quite a pace and Yuuri spotted the room that him and Viktor were in earlier and was shoved into it. Izo turned the lights on before slamming the door shut.

"How have you been?" Izo asked him. Yuuri didn't answer. Izo just smirked. "You know it's rude to ignore people."

Yuuri wasn't prepared in the slightest when he was punched hard in the jaw. He was thrown back and hit the wall. He felt extremely dizzy. He'd bitten his lip in the process which meant it was slowly bleeding. He blinked hard and held onto the wall for support. 

"Take me back Yuuri. I'm going to carry on until you do it." Izo yelled at him. "I told you to watch out. You're so defenceless on your own, you know that?"

"Why should I take you back? You cheated on me for three fucking years you prick!" Yuuri yelled back. Izo immediately grabbed him wrist with his iron grip and pinned Yuuri against the wall.

"I told you, I had my needs." He yelled at him.

"You don't need me then!" Yuuri yelled back. His grip tightened and he yelped.

"Oh, yes I do because you're so helpless."

\----

Viktor tapped his foot as he waited for Yuuri and Izo to come out of wherever they were. He sighed. It had been a good 15 minutes since his family had left. Viktor guessed they were having a intense make out session or something because of how long they were taking. Viktor felt himself tense up. 

Why would Yuuri lie about being cheated on? What if he was telling the truth? What if there was something going on that Viktor was unaware of? Fuck, what if something had happened to Yuuri? 

Viktor was jealous. That's what was wrong. He was jealous that there was a man like Izo in Yuuri's life already. Viktor couldn't help it. Viktor totally respected Yuuri and didn't control him in any way, shape or form, or that would be abuse. He would never ever do that to another human being. Viktor was just agitated that Yuuri relied on someone other than him for happiness. Viktor wanted to be the source of Yuuri's happiness, but Viktor also wanted Yuuri to be the source of his happiness.

Thinking back, Yuuri didn't talk about Izo very often, and when he did he always look so unsettled. Viktor didn't know why. Maybe Yuuri just hadn't had the time to tell his parents about the break up? Viktor was too blinded to jealousy to think straight in that moment he spoke to Yuuri. Yuuri was probably telling the truth. Yet again, Viktor had fucked up. Yuuri would never lie to Viktor. He should have known that. Why was Viktor to blinded to see it? It was all his fault. Why did he doubt Yuuri so much? It was all Viktor's fault. 

Viktor suddenly heard footsteps coming down the hall. He saw Izo with his long black coat on, but not Yuuri. Strange, Viktor thought to himself. Something wasn't right. Izo glared at Viktor until he'd passed him and exited the building. Izo was weird. Viktor didn't like him in the slightest. 

Viktor heard a cry from down the corridor and his heart immediately jumped. It sounded like Yuuri. Viktor started walking down the corridor slowly, but broke into a run when it became louder. Something bad had happened. He could hear Yuuri's sobbing from Down the corridor and realised that it was coming from the storage room that they were in together earlier. 

Viktor opened the door slowly. Viktor had no idea what to expect, but knew that something bad had happened.

He knew that something bad had happened, but certainly didn't expect to find a bloodied Yuuri lying in the middle of the floor.


	14. Lyubov moya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyubov moya = my love

Viktor froze. He couldn't move. His eyes were fixated on Yuuri. He had no idea what to do. He never thought he'd see anything like this. Ever. He didn't know how he was going to forget this image. Ever.

"Y-Yuuri?" Viktor stuttered before slowly walking over to him and leaning down next to him. He placed a hand in his shoulder and combed his bloodied hair back. "Yuuri, what happened?"

He examined Yuuri's body, because he had to make absolute sure that Yuuri had no major injuries. Ones that could change his life. Ones that could threaten his skating career. He could easily spot Yuuri's bleeding nose and head, because there were streams of blood running down his face. There were a few bruises on his neck, but to be honest Viktor didn't know if they were bruises or hikeys. 

Viktor became slightly agitated while thinking about Yuuri with another man. He didn't know what to call that feeling. He didn't know why he felt that way in the first place. He didn't know if he should be feeling that way. If it was jealousy, then Viktor prayed to god it would go away because his Jealousy had blinded him and caused this to happen to Yuuri in the first place.

Viktor carried on examining Yuuri. He desperately wanted to comfort the boy but it was vital that he make sure that his physical health was okay, because if it wasn't, it was a massive threat to Yuuri's skating career. He needed to check up Yuuri's shirt to see if there were any injuries to his chest, but decided to wait so that Yuuri could consent first because Viktor didn't want to scare him more than he already had.  
Plus, he didn't want to make Yuuri feel uncomfortable.

Viktor moved back up to Yuuri's head and gently moved his hair out of the way. There wasn't a massive gash there, but it was bleeding excessively and Viktor wanted to do something quickly. But first of all, he needed to make sure Yuuri was okay, even though it was obvious he wasn't.

"Yuuri. Are you okay? Where does it hurt?" Viktor questioned him. Viktor was panicking. This was his fault. He couldn't believe he'd let this happen. He was not good in situations like this and had no idea what he was doing and if he was doing it right.

"Ahhh...I'm fine..." Yuuri mumbled in between sobs. Yuuri thought Viktor had gone back to Russia. After all, he thought Yuuri was a liar, and Yuuri was at war with himself now because Viktor Nikiforov had called him a liar. He hated himself. He really did.

Yuuri did not expect Viktor to come back and look for him in the slightest. Yuuri was so used to this happening to him now, that's all he would normally do was curl up in a ball and cry all night after Izo was done with him. It was a lifestyle that Yuuri had hated, but was far too used to.

"Yuuri, I'm serious. Look at you." Viktor sighed at the boy. He must have been used to this to be able to say he was fine. And that tore Viktor's heart to shreds. 

"I-I thought you'd gone back to Russia..." Yuuri mumbled. He rubbed his eyes to attempt himself to stop crying. "I- I wasn't lying about Izo, I s-swear..." 

Viktor was pretty sure he could have cried a river if he'd let himself to. Yuuri thought he had left. Yuuri thought that Viktor had just abandoned him. Viktor prayed to god that Yuuri hadn't lost his faith in him, although he probably had because look what had happened as a result of Viktor's stupid mistake.

"Yuuri. I would never ever leave you for the world. I'm sorry, this is all my fault. I...I was just jealous. And I hate to admit that.  I'm sorry Yuuri. I won't leave you ever again. I promise. Goddamn it you're making me cry..." Viktor wiped a few tears away from his eyes. He felt so so guilty. And he was going to have to deal with that guilt until Yuuri got better.

If he got better.

"Yuuri, we're gonna have to go out and get the first aid kit for you. Can you stand?" Viktor asked the boy. Yuuri shook his head. "Okay. I'll just have to carry you..."

Yuuri felt two strong arms wrap around him and lift him up off the floor. Every part of his body was aching. He was in so much pain. Viktor stood up with Yuuri in his arms and walked out of the room. Yuuri was stone cold. He was shaking. Yuuri was normally lovely and warm. Viktor had never seen him like this before. He didn't want to see him in this state again.

He carried the boy down the corridor bridal style. Yuuri gripped onto Viktor's shoulder for dear life. He didn't ever want to let go of him again. Yuuri closed his eyes. He just wanted everything to stop. He wanted everything to be over. He was in so much pain.

Viktor placed Yuuri down ever so gently on one of the benches, as if he was made of glass and could shatter at any moment. He then rushed over to the front desk and searched for a first aid kit. Yuko was confused when she walked in on Viktor rummaging through everything.

"What are you looking for?" Yuko hesitantly asked him. Viktor spun around quickly, not expecting her to be there. Viktor was really jumpy. Even the smallest things caused him to jump out of his skin.

"Thank god, I need a first aid kit. Quickly." Viktor was relieved that she'd turned up or he would have been searching for ever. Yuko was confused as hell as to what was going on.

"It's in that cabinet by there." She pointed at the small cabinet below the desk. Viktor that led her before opening and pulling it out. He was so relived. "Has something happened?"

"One second... I'll- I'll tell you later." Viktor stuttered before legging it back out of the room and over to Yuuri. He was sitting down on the bench, staring blankly at his feet. Viktor knew that this was going to effect him a lot, and that he'd need time to get over this. Viktor knew that and was more than aware that he needed to be there for Yuuri, no matter what.

"Yuuri, can you put your head up for me?" Viktor leaned in front of the boy and opened the kit. He pulled out antiseptic wipes and ripped open the packet. "I'm just going to clean your cuts. It'll probably sting slightly."

Yuuri flinched as soon as it touched his forehead. The didn't expect it to sting that much. He breathed out before Viktor went back to cleaning his forehead. Viktor was ever so gentle with Yuuri. He had his left hand on Yuuri's chin, making sure that he kept his head up for him, and his right hand was gently cleaning his cut. Yuuri loved Viktor's hands. They were so delicate and warm. They were also very soft. Everything was perfect about Viktor. Even the tiniest things about him were absolutely flawless.

Viktor reached back into the first aid kit and pulled out a plaster and a bandage. Viktor placed the plaster over the gash and then wrapped a bandage around his head. Viktor made sure to wrap it tight enough to keep the plaster in place but not tight enough to cause discomfort for Yuuri. After he'd finished tending to his head, Viktor cleaned all the other grazes across Yuuri's face and wiped all of the blood that had run down his face. He made sure to wipe his nose ever so gently. Meanwhile Yuuri was going absolutely crazy because of how close Viktor was to him, and more specifically, to his lips. Yuuri could just lean in slightly and kiss him. Of course, he didn't have the confidence to do that, but he could fantasize.

"Are you feeling better, Yuuri?" Viktor asked him. Yuuri shook his head. Yuuri felt awful. His throat hurt from crying, his eyes were puffy, his lips were chapped, his cheeks were stained with tears, his body was aching, he couldn't really move. The list went on and on. So no, Yuuri didn't feel better in the slightest.

"Can you take your shirt off please?" Viktor asked nicely. Yuuri's head shot up and he sent a glare to Viktor. Viktor held his hands up in defeat. "I'm only trying to help you...I just want to help clean you up, that's all."

Yuuri sat there and stared at his hands for a few minutes before sighing in defeat. He grabbed the hem of his shirt and tried to pull it up, but let go when his shoulder throbbed. Being slammed into the wall repeatedly by Izo wasn't really good for his shoulder, was it? Viktor then helped Yuuri and removed his shirt for him, and after looking at the state of him, he kind of wished that he hadn't.

There were bruises. Everywhere. There were grazes all over his arms. Yuuri looked awful. The state that he'd been left in was terrible. Who could do this to someone? Who could carry the guilt of hurting someone was bad as this? Izo could. And Yuuri was far too aware of that. Viktor couldn't believe that someone would do this to someone as beautiful as Yuuri. Yuuri was too precious to be hurt so much. He didn't deserve this.

After a solid ten minutes of cleaning Yuuri up and bandaging his shoulder, they could finally go home. Except Yuuri couldn't walk. He'd hurt his ankle, but it was nothing to serious. He was luck that it wasn't broken or sprained luckily, but it was terribly bruised so it was extremely painful for him to walk on it.

"D'you want me to carry you?" Viktor offered. He politely declined because Yuuri thought he was very heavy, despite Viktor telling him multiple times that he wasn't. Viktor enjoyed carrying Yuuri in all honesty. It was like having the whole world to himself. Yuuri was so warm and cuddly, but now he was cold and bloody because of what Izo had done to him.

"I-I just want to hold on to you." Yuuri said as he tried to get up from where he was sitting. It hurt like hell, so he grabbed onto Viktor for support. Once he was standing, Yuuri wrapped his arm around Viktor and Viktor wrapped his arm around Yuuri. It look awhile, but Yuuri limped to the entrance and paused for a minute.

"Yuuri, let's be realistic here. You're not gonna be able to walk back, you're only going to hurt yourself more. I'm either going to have to carry you or we're going to have someone drive us." Viktor said bluntly. Yuuri stared at Viktor in disappointment. He didn't want to cause more trouble for Viktor.

"Fine..." Yuuri grumbled. Viktor smiled and patted his head.

"Yuko!" Viktor called. A few seconds later, she emerged and ran over to where Viktor and Yuuri were. "Could you give as a lift to Yuuri's house please?"

"Of course I can. Yuuri! What happened to you?" Yuko gasped. 

Yuuri and Viktor's eyes met for a split second, and judging by Yuuri's tight grip and the look on his face, Yuuri didn't want Viktor to tell her.

"Uh- Yuuri just fell and hurt his head and his ankle, he can't really stand on it." Viktor lied.

"Shall I call an ambulance?" Yuko suggested in a panicky voice.

"N-no! I'm fine..." Yuuri chocked out. He was not going in an ambulance. He was not going to the hospital. He hated hospitals. Viktor hated hospitals too. They were eerie and Viktor hated that.

"If you say so..." Yuko trailed off. She went to get her car keys and then went to inform her husband and kids about where she was going. She lead Viktor and Yuuri out of the building and to her car. Viktor opened the door for Yuuri and slowly helped him into the back seat before climbing in himself. Yuko drove quickly to Yuuri's house, since it was only a few minutes away.

Viktor thanked Yuko before helping Yuuri back out of the car. Viktor didn't want Yuuri to hurt himself more so he picked him up and carried him inside. Viktor walked as quick as he could with Yuuri in his arms, and tried his best to avoid all the questions being asked by his family and Minako. 

Viktor decided that it would be easier to take him into his bedroom since Yuuri's bedroom was upstairs. He placed him down gently on the bed and then sat on the side. He brushed his hair out of his face and smiled sadly at him. Makkachin was by his side too, whining for some attention off either of them. But unfortunately for him, Viktor was too busy staring at Yuuri.

"Yuuri, what happened?" Viktor asked him. 

Silence. 

Just as Viktor suspected. 

He sighed. He carefully took. Yuuri's hand and started rubbing circles with his thumb. He only wanted to help. He was trying his best. He sniffed. He could feel tears starting to gather in his eyes, and they slowly started to run down his face. He felt completely and utterly useless. He couldn't do anything in his power to help Yuuri, and that was tearing him apart.

"V-Viktor? Why are you crying?" Yuuri asked quietly. He sat up and gulped. Yuuri knew it was because of him. Viktor wouldn't even look at Yuuri. His heart sank. What had he done? Was Viktor going to leave him?

"I-I just want to help you Yuuri. I c-can't stand seeing you suffer alone. I- I feel so- so fucking useless because I can't do anything to help you! It's my fault that this happened to you....maybe I should just go back to Russia. I'm just trouble here." Viktor cried before getting up and leaving. 

Yuuri tried to call for him but he was frozen. He couldn't seem to get any words out of his mouth. He'd hurt Viktor. He'd hurt him in the worst way possible. Viktor was such a happy, sweet, flirtatious, caring person. Yuuri had just made him cry. He'd never seen the emotional side of Viktor before. He didn't want to see it against either. Knowing that he caused Viktor to cry made him hate himself even more than he did already. He couldn't believe it. Viktor was only trying to help him. He only wanted the best for him.

Yuuri didn't know what to do. Did he go after Viktor? Where had Viktor even gone? Was he serious about going back to Russia? Yuuri's heart ached at the thought of Viktor leaving him. He didn't know what he would do if he left him. He was the only person who made him feel a little bit better about himself. He was the only person (aside from Phichit) to ever understand him completely. He knew Yuuri's boundaries and he knew when to stop (most of the time he did). He was the only person to ever support Yuuri physically and mentally. Yuuri turned and screamed into him pillow. He was so so angry at himself. It was all his fault.

Meanwhile, Viktor was sat outside Yuuri's house, staring at his phone. He was in the middle of booking a plane ticket back to Russia. He'd done enough damage to Yuuri already, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. Viktor wiped the tears away from his eyes. Yuuri wouldn't want him to leave, would he? Viktor knew that Yuuri had always looked up to him, so how would it feel to have someone you've yearned for your whole life just leave you suddenly? Viktor didn't, really didn't want to know how that felt, but knew it must be an awful feeling. 

He put his phone back in his pocket and stood up. He wiped his eyes once more. He couldn't believe he'd let his emotions out in front of Yuuri. Viktor hadn't cried in years. How typical. The one time he let his emotions out and it had to be in front of Yuuri. Did Yuuri think he was weak now? Selfish maybe? Or just plain stupid?

Viktor went back inside and was about to enter his room when he remembered that Yuuri was in his room. He pressed his ear to the door and listened carefully to see if he could hear anything. He couldn't hear much, but he could pick out Yuuri mumbling something to himself and quietly crying. It broke Viktor's heart. It really did. 

Viktor turned and walked away. Not because he didn't care, it's was because he didn't want to make it worse. After all, Viktor was the most likely reason that Yuuri was crying. Viktor decided that he'd sleep in Yuuri's bedroom tonight. He walked upstairs and down the corridor. He opened the door slowly. 

Yuuri's room was quite small, but it was cute. The first thing that Viktor noticed was the stash of posters in the corner with Viktor's face on them. He giggled to himself. Yuuri was probably trying to hide them from him. Yuuri was so precious.

He leaned down and began picking things up off the floor. Yuuri's room was a slight bit messy, so Viktor decided to do a favour for him and clean it. He folded all of his clothes and put them in a neat pile and then decided to clear the rest of the floor. He spotted a tube on the floor and picked it up. He read the label 

Benzodiazepines  
Diazepam  
Oral: 2 to 10 mg 2 to 4 times a day.  
IM or IV: 2 to 5 mg (moderate anxiety) or 5 to 10 mg (severe anxiety) for one dose. May repeat in 3 to 4 hours, if necessary.

Viktor stared at the tube for a few seconds after he'd read it. He didn't know that Yuuri took medication. Hell, Viktor didn't know that his anxiety was that bad. He'd heard about benzodiazepines before, and knew that they could be highly addictive and have horrible side effects. Viktor looked down at the floor. He could see all of the pills spilt along the floor. Viktor assumed that Yuuri hadn't been taking them, and probably threw them out of anger or something because they were absolutely everywhere. He picked them up one by one and placed them in the tube. Once he was done, he placed them back on the bedside cabinet. Viktor would have really appreciated if Yuuri had told him about his anxiety. Viktor respected that it was hard for Yuuri to say maybe, but Viktor just wanted the best for him. At least he knew now, anyway. Maybe he could help him a bit more.

Viktor really wished that Yuuri would tell him more about himself. He cared for Yuuri. He cared a little too much. He wanted to make sure that Yuuri was okay. He wanted to make Yuuri trust him. He knew all these things he wanted would take a lot of time to happen, but Viktor was willing to wait. He'd be willing to wait a lifetime if it was for Yuuri.

Viktor rummaged through Yuuri's wardrobe to try and find a pair of pyjamas that fitted him. Viktor was taller than Yuuri so most of his trousers didn't fit him. He gave up in the end and just went for a pair that had small dogs all over them. Viktor slid one of Yuuri's baggy black shirts on and then proceeded to climb into Yuuri's bed. It smelt of Yuuri. Like vanilla and cherries. Viktor smiled and fell asleep while thinking about Yuuri.

\-------

The next morning, Yuuri awoke feeling like pure crap. His whole body was throbbing from yesterday. He had a terrible headache, it was throbbing and he felt sick. He turned to the side and noticed a note and a glass on water on Viktor's bed side cabinet. Yuuri's heart stopped. Had Viktor left already? He slid his glasses on. He picked up the note and read it with shaking hands.

Good morning Yuuri ^_^  
There's some paracetamol and a glass of water on the bedside cabinet for you. I guess you must be sore after yesterday. There are some clothes at the bottom of the bed for you. Please put them on after you've woken up. If you need help just call for me. I'll take you out today to make up for yesterday. Meet me outside once you're done

Love from  
Viktor xx

Yuuri's heart was beating furiously and a wave of relief washed over him. Viktor was here. Viktor hadn't gone. He sighed in relief. He was so happy that Viktor hadn't left because Yuuri was certain that Viktor was serious about going back to Russia. Yuuri sat up with great difficulty and scooted over to the edge of the bed. He took the paracetamol and put it in his mouth before washing it down with water. Yuuri stood up shakily and limped over to the clothes at the bottom of Viktor's bed. His ankle was still hurting from yesterday, but he could actually walk on it today. 

He took his shirt off and stared down at himself. He looked awful. He was bruised and scratched. He was used to this sight though. Yuuri put on the white button up shirt that Viktor had selected for him and his dark blue V-neck jumper. He took off his trousers and underwear and put the clean ones on. Yuuri cringed when he realised that Viktor had probably gone through all of his clothes to find these things. He had probably seen all of Yuuri's embarrassing clothes, like his dog pyjamas.

After putting on his skinny jeans and black shoes, Yuuri turned and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked pretty decent for once. He actually liked his outfit. Maybe he should have hired Viktor as his personal stylist instead of his coach. 

Yuuri limped to the bathroom and went straight to the mirror. He unwrapped the bloody bandage from around his head and pulled the plaster off. He must have been bleeding a lot to bleed through that and the bandage. He combed his fringe back with his left hand and turned his head to the right so that he could see the gash. It looked pretty bad. It was really obvious. Yuuri let his hair down again. He was lucky that his fringe covered most of it, but it was still noticeable, and so was the bruise on his jaw.

Yuuri pulled his makeup bag out of the cabinet and began rummaging through it. He pulled his concealer out and began covering the bruise. He decided to not cover the cut on his forehead incase it got infected. Yuuri enjoyed doing makeup in all honesty. He didn't wear it often, but we was decent at doing it. It was handy to be good at it so that he could look his best at his skating competitions. He'd been made fun of a lot for wearing it, but Yuuri didn't do it to impress others. He did it for himself. He liked how it looked most of the time and raised his confidence. He wished that boys wearing makeup would be normalised in a few years because Yuuri thought it was stupid that people thought that it was only acceptable for females to wear make up. Yuuri was going to wear whatever he wanted to, and for once, he didn't care what people thought of him.

Once Yuuri was done with his makeup and had brushed his teeth and hair, he quickly make his way outside. He could see Viktor sitting on the wall outside and limped over to him. Viktor looked beautiful. Yuuri felt personally Violated. Despite this, Yuuri still felt extremely guilty for making Viktor cry yesterday.

"V-Viktor...." Yuuri called. Viktor immediately spun his head around and looked at Yuuri. Viktor could feel himself blush. Yuuri looked gorgeous. He was so so glad that he'd picked his outfit for him because damn was Yuuri a hot piece of ass. Viktor decided that he couldn't high-key drool over Yuuri today because today was about building trust again and opening up. 

"Y-Yuuri!" Viktor stuttered. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Uh, I'm slightly better. I can walk on my own now..." Yuuri trailed off.

"Good to hear. Shall we go on our date then?" Viktor asked, putting his hand out for Yuuri. Yuuri smiled and grabbed his hand.

"We shall."

\-----

Yuuri and Viktor ended up by the sea. They'd decided that it was best to bring Makkachin with this time because the little guy needed some attention. Yuuri and Viktor walked hand in hand all the way. Yuuri's hands were so warm, and Viktor's cold ones were quickly warmed by them. Yuuri smiled. Despite feeling like shit from what happened yesterday, he was still happy that he had Viktor. He couldn't ask for more.

They reached the beach and they let go of each other's hands so that they could play with Makkachin for a bit. Viktor missed Yuuri's warmth. Viktor's feet were significantly bigger than Yuuri's, so Yuuri was following Viktor's footsteps and stepping in his footprints. When Viktor turned around to see What was taking Yuuri so long, he couldn't help but stare in awe. He was so adorable. They both sat down on the rocks with Makkachin in between them. They listened to the seagulls for awhile. No words were spoken, but it was okay. They were together and that's all that mattered.

"The gulls remind me of St Petersburg. I never thought I'd leave that city. The sound of their cries take me back, you know?" Viktor said while staring at the birds. 

"Do you miss it there?" Yuuri questioned. Viktor glanced over at him.

"Yeah, I do I guess. But it's okay. I have you here and that's all that matters. I wouldn't trade you for the world." Viktor admitted. He kept his eyes on Yuuri, who was blushing slightly. Viktor giggled. "Tell me, Yuuri. Why do you keep pushing me away?"

Yuuri was silent for a bit as he tried to think of an explanation. He put his hand on Makkachin to stroke him, but ended up putting his hand where Viktor's was. They both turned and made eye contact with each other before lacing their fingers together.

"I don't know...I really don't. I-I guess it's because I'm not used to people caring about me. I've never really had anyone properly support me, you know? I don't want anyone intruding on my feelings, because I don't want to pass my pain onto them..." Yuuri said quietly. Viktor squeezed Yuuri's hand in reassurance.

"Yuuri, a lot of people care about you. Your family. Your fans. Me. Heck, Yuuri, I don't think I've ever cared for anyone as much as I care you for." Viktor admitted.

Yuuri just blushed. He felt warmth throughout his body and his heart pounding. This feeling was back. The feeling he only experienced when he was around Viktor. It had been happening a lot recently, and Yuuri didn't know why.

"Yuuri, what would you like me to be to you? A friend, a teacher?" Viktor asked. Yuuri shook his head.

"A father figure? A brother?"

Yuuri shook his head. 

"Then your boyfriend I guess. I'll try my best." 

Yuuri eyes widened and his heart was pounding. His stomach was doing flips. Viktor? His boyfriend? Yuuri wasn't complaining or anything. Yuuri was blushing like hell and need a moment to gather his emotions together.

"Nonono, I don't want to think you have to change for me. Please just stay as Viktor Nikiforov. That's who I want you to be to me. I'm sorry that I pushed you away. I just didn't want you to see my shortcomings and how weak I was..." Yuuri said.

"You're not weak, Yuuri. No one thinks that. You're one of the strongest people I know. We'll work hard together to make you the best person we can, okay? I'll be supporting you all the way. That's my way of showing my love." Viktor replied. He smiled at Yuuri. "I'd like to know as much as possible about you when we get back home, okay? No judging, just supporting each other."

Yuuri nodded him head. He scooted over and wrapped his arms around Viktor. Viktor smiled before doing the same back. This is what home felt like to Yuuri. He loved it. Viktor was the one person who he wanted to hold onto for ever. He was much more at peace with himself when he was around Viktor. Yuuri was still broken and struggling, but he was so grateful that Viktor was supporting him. He'd never be able to repay him.

"Thank you." Yuuri breathed as he twirled his hand around in Viktor's hair. Viktor loved when Yuuri did that. Viktor loved everything that Yuuri did. They slowly removed their arms from around each other after awhile of just being in each other's grasp. Neither were complaining. They both felt at home when they were in each other's presence.

Viktor stood up and offered his hand out to Yuuri, which he gladly took. They laced their fingers together before smiling and blushing at each other. Viktor squeezed Yuuri's hand before speaking up.

"Let's go and enjoy our date, lyubov moya"


	15. potseluy menya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> potseluy menya = kiss me

•••••••••••

Viktor hadn't let go of Yuuri's hand since they'd left the beach. He didn't want to either. Yuuri's hands were so small and they fitted perfectly into his. Yuuri's hands were warm. And soft. They were so, so soft. Viktor was captivated by every little thing about Yuuri. He couldn't believe that he'd found himself such a gorgeous pupil. He was so lucky that Yuuri was his, and his alone.

Viktor was staring at Yuuri out of the corner of his eye. He'd being doing it for the whole date. It seemed impossible for Viktor to take his eyes off him. Yuuri looked so Beautiful. Yuuri was staring out to sea, watching as the waves rolled in one by one. They were at the same café they came to after practice when Yurio was with them. It was also where their first date was, but this was their first official one.

Yuuri had caught Viktor staring at him more than a dozen times already. Viktor constantly had his eyes on Yuuri. He didn't know how to feel about it. He didn't know what was wrong. Was there something on his Face? In his hair? Did he look stupid?

"I-is there something on my face?" Yuuri turned to Viktor who immediately looked away. He'd been caught staring. Again. How could he not stare though? How could he not appreciate the beauty that was in front of him?

"You're just really beautiful Yuuri..." Viktor trailed off and looked out to sea. Yuuri was blushing like hell, and was trying his best to cover it up. Viktor could tell that Yuuri was flustered and giggled at his attempt to cover it up.

"N-no I'm not..." Yuuri mumbled as he tried to hide his face in his hands.

"Yuuri, I've been unable to take my eyes off you for the past hour that we've been here, if you're not beauty itself then I don't know what is." Viktor admitted bluntly and winked at him.

"S-shut up...." Yuuri stuttered. Viktor smirked.

"Make me."

Yuuri glanced up at Viktor, who was staring at him with a playful glint in his eyes. Yuuri didn't know what to do. He was blushing like hell. What did Viktor mean by that? Yuuri was really inexperienced in the field of flirting and dates. His last relationship didn't go too well, did it? He fucked up everything. 

"W-What do you mean?" Yuuri blushed. Viktor rolled his eyes at Yuuri and giggled.

"It doesn't matter." Viktor sighed. But it did. It mattered so, so much to Viktor. Was he being too subtle with his words and actions? Or was Yuuri just being his oblivious self? 

Viktor had just indirectly invited Yuuri to kiss him, but instead of a pair of lips on his, he ended up with a very confused Yuuri. And Viktor couldn't deny that he was slightly disappointed.

It was typical of Yuuri to do that. Yuuri was so oblivious, and Viktor found it adorable. He'd have thought that Yuuri would have gained some experience, being in a relationship for five years (although it wasn't exactly a very healthy one). Viktor smiled to himself though, because at the end of the day, Yuuri was just Yuuri and Viktor adored him for being him.

"We should probably be heading back now..." Yuuri mumbled. 

In all honesty, neither of them wanted to go back because they were having such an amazing time. Everything was so calm when they were in each other's presence. Despite Yuuri still being at war with himself, Viktor was the only person who had seemed to get him. He respected his so much. Yuuri was so grateful. And for once in his life, Yuuri had the slightest bit of confidence. 

Both of them stood up and reached out for each other's hands. They laced their fingers together and smiled. They walked back with Makkachin bouncing around their feet and their hearts pounding in their chests. Neither had experienced any feeling like this before, and it was indescribable to both of them. Overwhelming happiness would be the most accurate description, but both knew it was so much more than that.

Could it be Love?

Neither Viktor or Yuuri were sure, but they'd probably find out real soon.

\--------

The next day, Yuuri woke up in his room and yawned loudly. They were doing to start back practicing today. If Yuuri could manage that was. His body was still aching. He was scared to go back incase it would trigger memories of what happened. Yuuri had tried to suppress them to the back of his mind for when he was with Viktor, because we really didn't want to be thinking about that cuntbag when he was around Viktor. Izo didn't even deserve to be thought about while Yuuri was in the presence of someone as great as Viktor.

Yuuri got up, all stif and aching. He sat on the edge of his bed for a minute. He felt awful. He was about to get up and dress when someone opened his bedroom door. It was Viktor. Yuuri gulped as he walked over and sat down on the edge of his bed.

"Yuuri, how are you feeling today?" Viktor put his arm around the younger man.

"Everything hurts and I'm dying." Yuuri replied honestly. Viktor giggled at the last bit.

"No practice today then." He told him, and dragged Yuuri down with him as he went to lay down. Both scooted up to the pillow and then Viktor pulled Yuuri closer to him. "Let's just cuddle for bit."

They stayed silent for a while and just wrapped their arms around each other. No words were needed. They both had each other, and that was enough.  
Around ten minutes later, Minako burst through the door, ready to drag his ass downstairs. She was assuming that he was being lazy, but boy was she in for a shock.

"Yuuri, get your ass downstairs now for breakfast or you'll be sorry!" She yelled. She waited a few seconds. No reply. She huffed and barged the door open.

She did not expect in a million years to find Yuuri and his coach in each other's arms, gazing at each other like them two were the only people who mattered in the world to one another.

She quickly slammed the door shut and made her way downstairs. She didn't know what to do. She was confused, but was happy for Yuuri. But what had happened to Izo? Were they still together? Minako didn't know, but decided to keep her nose out of Yuuri's business, despite being overly curious.

Meanwhile, Yuuri was panicking like hell. He was so embarrassed. He was embarrassed that he'd been caught, not embarrassed because he was with Viktor. He actually did mind being caught with Viktor. Viktor was looking down at Yuuri who seemed to be flustered as hell. He smiled at him. Yuuri was so precious.

Viktor's eyes scanned the room for a bit. Everything was spotless, just like he'd left it yesterday. His eyes landed on a photo frame he'd failed to notice the previous night. He shuffled up a bit and reached over to Yuuri's bed side and grabbed it out of curiosity. Yuuri was slightly confused as to what was going on, but decided that it didn't really matter because Viktor was Viktor and anything could happen as a result of that.

"Who's this?" Viktor questioned. Yuuri didn't know what he was talking about so he wiggled out of Viktor's arms (which made Viktor whine) and sat up. He grabbed the photo frame out of Viktor's hands and stared at it for a minute. He then realised what it was and hid it behind his back.

"N-nothing!" Yuuri stuttered as he turned red. Viktor raised his eyebrows at his and gave him a really? Look. After a few minutes, Yuuri gave up and sighed.

"It was a picture of mine and Izo's first anniversary." Yuuri mumbled as he rubbed his finger over the glass which had a thick layer of dust over it. 

Viktor felt a pang of jealousy in his heart. Yuuri looked so cute in the photo though. It was a picture of 19 year old Yuuri with Izo. Izo looked incredibly different. He had short hair and glasses in it. Viktor had to admit, Izo looked handsome in the photo. Both of them looked so so happy in the photo.

"How old was Izo here? He looks really...really different." Viktor asked. 

"I know right. He's twenty one here. I miss the old Izo, I really do. He decided to get contacts and grow out his hair a few years ago. I don't know if it was out of lack of self care or just..." Yuuri trailed of. Viktor looked confused at Yuuri.

"Why, did something happen...?" Viktor questioned. Yuuri took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair.

"Do you want me to tell you the whole story or our relationship?" Yuuri asked him. 

He was hesitant in asking, but decided that Viktor deserved to know because if he was going to build their relationship back up, they needed to know as much as possible about each other. Plus Yuuri decided it might help him to talk about it for the first time ever.

"If it's comfortable for you." Viktor replied. Making Yuuri feel comfortable was his top priority now. Yuuri nodded his head.

"Okay. It's a really long story, brace yourself." Yuuri warned him.

"We have all the time in my world, lyubov moya." Viktor replied. Yuuri was confused to what lyubov Moya meant, but brushed it off as nothing. How wrong he was. 

Yuuri cleared his throat before beginning.

"Okay. After I moved to Detroit, I was roommates with Phichit. We always used to go to this restaurant on the weekends, I can't remember the name of it. It wasn't really fancy, but it was really nice. Cliche situation, but Izo happened to be our waiter and he ended up spilling my coffee over me, and it burnt my arm really badly. 

I ended up having to go to the hospital. He stayed with me the whole time, he was so sweet and thoughtful. He made sure I was okay and apologised over and over. After we left, he told me that he'd buy me dinner to make up for it. The next evening when I turned up, he'd already got a table and had food made for us. He'd got me a sorry card as well, too. Inside he'd written a small apology, but he'd written "I've got my Izon you", you know like "I've got my eyes on you" it was really funny and i couldn't stop laughing. 

Fast forward a few Months, we hung out with each other constantly and we were both more than aware that we had feelings for each other. He ended up asking me out and I couldn't have been happier, honestly. We spent most of our free time together and I was great. I ended up moving in with him around the time of our one year anniversary because we spent most of our time together. This photo was taken at Belle isle park. 

Fast forward a year, and we went to the same place for our second year anniversary. Those two years were great, but shortly after things...k-kinda got worse...." Yuuri mumbled.

Viktor was getting really, like really really jealous at the thought of Yuuri with another man. Viktor tried not to show it. He appreciated the fact that Yuuri was beginning to open up to him more. Yuuri seemed really happy talking about it thought. As long as Yuuri was happy, Viktor was happy. Or at least Viktor tried to be.

"You don't have to go on if you're uncomfortable Yuuri." Viktor pulled him closer. Yuuri reassured Viktor that he was fine and cleared his throat before speaking again.

"Izo's mother died suddenly. She had a bleed on the brain that they'd failed to spot. It was unbearable for him, it really was. They were so close and he loved her more than anyone. He changed after that. Anyone would after loosing someone they loved like that. He began coming home really stressed and he'd always be so angry.

A few months went by and things got worse. He- he became really violent. He'd smash things. He'd throw things. He'd always shout. Of course, he was still sweet and loving at times, but way to often he'd take his anger out on me. I know it sounds simple, but I-it really wasn't. I- I suggested that he should go and see a specialist or something and he- he just lashed out completely. I don't want to talk about it, but- it doesn't matter." Yuuri cupped his hands over his face and sniffed. 

He didn't want to cry. He tried his best to keep the tears in. He felt Viktor pull him towards him and wrap his arms around him. After Yuuri'd had his little moment, he began talking again.

"He started being really pushy and made me super uncomfortable sometimes. He'd always like- it's embarrassing to say, but he always wanted like...sex and stuff and I wasn't ready to go that far because I was only romantically attracted to him at the time, sexual attraction didn't even cross my mind because- because I just didn't feel anything like that for him in that moment in time. And I couldn't help it. Needless to say, he got angry at me for that and just cast me aside and just ignore me for days on end.

He started coming home later and later. I think we both knew at that point that our relationship was starting to fall apart but I was to scared of him to break up with him. Plus, he wasn't always bad, he'd have good days where I'd be convinced we were in love because of how sweet and perfect he was. 

It escalated quickly though because he began becoming more possessive and stuff and wouldn't let me have my phone or others people's numbers and wouldn't let me hang around with friends unless he was there. It was really miserable. A-and wen I actually did manage to hang out with people without him on my ass 24/7, when I got back he'd- he'd just do things to me and...and it was just horrible...."

Yuuri promised himself he wouldn't cry, but that had gone down the drain by this point. Hot tears were running down his face as Viktor held him and stroked him hair. Viktor was awful at calming people, so he just did his best. He didn't say anything, he just held onto Yuuri. They stayed there for awhile before Yuuri stopped crying.

"Don't go on, Yuuri. It's making you upset, and I can't bare to see you like this. Thank you for opening up to me. Can I ask you something thought?" Viktor said as he ran his hand through Yuuri's soft hair.

"Did Izo ever hit you?"

Yuuri noticeably tensed up and turned away from Viktor. This is not what Yuuri had planned. He knew that Viktor only wanted the best for him, but Yuuri didn't really want to tell anyone about that part of their relationship. It was too complicated.

"Yuuri...?" Viktor repeated in a soft Voice.

"It- it doesn't matter..." Yuuri trailed off and began playing with his fingers. Yuri didn't want to cause a fuss. Neither did he want the attention. He didn't want Viktor to think he was a failure.

"Jesus Yuuri, it does. If he's been hurting you then it's serious. It's abuse. It doesn't always have to be physical to be abuse." Viktor cried. He prayed to god that the answer to his question would be no, but he was pretty sure that it was a yes.

"It's not a big deal...I probably deserved it anyway..." Yuuri muttered.

Viktor immediately grabbed Yuuri's shoulders and spun him around. Viktor was raging. He was so angry that Yuuri thought he deserved it, what had Izo done to him to make Yuuri think he deserved all the pain he brought him? Viktor didn't even want to imagine.

"Don't you dare say that again Yuuri Katsuki. You out of all people don't deserve to be hurt in such a way. No one does. Okay? At least you're away from that asshole now. Jesus Yuuri, I can't even imagine being in your shoes. Even grief isn't an excuse for abuse Yuuri. Jesus Christ, thank god you're safe for now." Viktor rambled. 

"Yeah." Yuuri mumbled. "For now".

"What did you say?" Viktor asked, missing the last bit of what Yuuri had just said. 

"Doesn't matter...." Yuuri mumbled. Viktor sighed.

He wrapped his arms around Yuuri and gently kissed his forehead. They stayed like that for a while. Yuuri relaxed a bit. He could get used to this. He enjoyed being with Viktor. Viktor enjoyed being with him.

"Thank you for opening up to me today Yuuri." Viktor smiled at him. 

Viktor was going to look after this boy, whatever the cost.

\---------------

Around a month later, training was coming along well for Yuuri. He couldn't believe it was June already. It was summer. Yuuri didn't really like the summer. Everybody was out with their fabulous bodies and then there was Yuuri who was too self conscious to leave the house.

Viktor and him were in the middle of perfecting his free program. It was coming along nicely. He could land all of the jumps, but had a slight struggle with over-rotation on some of them. Over all though, Yuuri adored the program and the music. He'd been in touch with Phichit for the first time in what felt like years and got him to ask the girl to rewrite the piece for him. Yuuri loved the new one.

Viktor also loved the music. He loved to watch Yuuri skate around effortlessly, like his body was creating the music. Viktor had to try and keep his swooning low-key because Yuuri had caught him staring so many times that he'd probably die the next time. Viktor couldn't help it though. He was drawn to Yuuri. He couldn't help himself. The boy was the prettiest thing Viktor had ever seen.

There was only one thing that bothered Yuuri about the program. He had to find a theme for this season. And he needed a fitting one. There were so many to choose from, but none of the ones that Viktor had suggested had caught the attention of Yuuri. He wanted to pick something that meant a lot to him. He wouldn't just take the easy route and pick a random one and hope for the best like he did last time. He wanted to surprise people. He wanted people to be drawn to his skating. He wanted people to be left stunned at him routines. But Yuuri was so so scared at the same time.

Today was a particularly dull day, and despite being in the ice rink where it was usually freezing cold, Yuuri was still sweating his ass off. He was nervous because he needed to choose a theme for next season but nothing was coming to him. Viktor stood watching the troubled boy. He knew what had been bothering Yuuri but could help him because only he could decide what theme he wanted.

"Okay, lets go again from the top!" Viktor clapped. 

He watched as Yuuri got into position and began his routine. He skated it perfectly until he reached the first combination jump, the Quad toe- double toe. He completely messed it up and landed flat on his face. Viktor frowned. Yuri had never failed a jump so badly. He skated over to Yuuri and helped him up.

"You only flub jumps when there's something on your mind." Viktor commented. Yuuri stayed silent. "Okay, practice is over. Good job today."

Yuuri said nothing to Viktor as they exited the rink and pulled their skates off. Yuuri packed his bags and thanked Yuko before leaving. He left Viktor confused. Why did Yuuri just leave him? What was in his mind?

Yuuri began speed walking down the road and towards his house. He looked behind him and was relived when he saw that Viktor wasn't following him. Yuuri stopped for a minute and began to cry. He was so worked up. He couldn't contain himself anymore.

He was so scared of disappointing Viktor. He was so desperate to find a theme, it was tearing him apart. It was only a small thing, but Yuuri was so so worried over it. He didn't want Viktor to leave. They'd built on their relationship over the past month and Yuuri was glad to say that they both fully trusted each other and they'd become a lot closer.

It was much more than becoming close to Viktor for Yuuri. Yuuri had developed this feeling for Viktor. It had been there from the very start, but it had grown so much over the two months that Viktor had been here. Yuuri wanted to hold onto someone for the first time in his life. He wanted to spend all of his time with Viktor. He'd be willing to do anything for his happiness. Yuuri had no idea what to call this feeling, but he wished it would just fuck off until Yuuri found a name for it.

When Yuuri got back to his house, Yuuri dumped his bags down by the front door and ran up to his bedroom. He ignored his family's calls for him. He slammed the door behind him and flopped onto his bed. He just began crying into his pillow. It was the only thing he could think of doing.

Yuuri was more than aware that the season started in September, but he was so desperate to not have Viktor leave him because Yuuri was more than aware that Viktor could just walk out on him at any moment. He needed to satisfy him. He needed to be good enough. There was no other choice.

Yuuri didn't know how long he was there for, but he was interrupted by someone entering his room. He guessed it was Viktor from the knock. He didn't have to turn around to know who was there. He felt a dip the the bed and a hand on his back. 

"What's wrong Yuuri?" Viktor asked him. He drew swirls on Yuuri's back with his finger, sending shivers down his spine.

"Nothing." Yuuri replied blandly. Viktor sighed. 

"Yuuri." 

Viktor was so persistent with Yuuri. He never gave up with him. No matter how much he wound him up with his answers, Viktor always pushed to get an answer from him. It wasn't a bad thing of course, Yuuri knew that Viktor only cared for him and was trying to help.

"I'm- I'm just slightly stressed about the theme thing..." Yuuri admitted. Viktor should have guessed. He sighed before patting his shoulder.

"I'll tell you what, I'll take you out tonight to get your mind off it, okay? Be ready in 10." Viktor stood up. "Oh and Yuuri? For the love of god, please wear what I chose for you on our last date."

Yuuri blushed as Viktor left. Another date? Yuuri wasn't complaining. He really, really needed to get his mind off this. Maybe it would even help him. He rummaged through his wardrobe and found what Viktor wanted him to wear. He slipped on the clothes and then proceeded to walk downstairs to Viktor's bedroom.

He knocked on the door to inform him that he was ready. Viktor emerged a few minutes later in a similar outfit to what Yuuri was wearing. 

"What do you think?" Viktor asked as he rolled his sleeves up.

Yuuri didn't know what to say. Yuuri had never seen anything like this before. Viktor looked gorgeous. He was going to be drooling over him all night, no doubt. Yuuri didn't even blink when he was looking at Viktor. He was fixated on the stunning man in front of him.

"You- you look......" Yuuri couldn't seem to find the right word. He just couldn't. There were no words. "You look very Viktory" 

Viktor giggled. He had no idea what that meant, but by the look in Yuuri's face, he could guess. He grabbed his coat before taking Yuuri's hand and walking outside. They walked down to a local restaurant, hand in hand and with beautiful smiles on their faces.

Yuuri felt as if he was Viktor's boyfriend. He really did. They'd been on a few dates, but they weren't officially together. Anyone would have thought they were together though, hence the loving gazes that they sent each other, the flirting, the hand holding. Yuuri was slightly disappointed that these things were only a result of their friendship. He wanted more. But, he wasn't sure if he was ready for another relationship yet. Not that he had any chance with Viktor. Heck, Viktor probably didn't even like him back. They felt like a couple though, to Yuuri.

Once they'd sat down and ordered their food, it was a competition between the two of who could be the one less obvious in staring. Viktor was hopeless, because he just couldn't take his eyes off Yuuri. He looked so so beautiful and it was driving his crazy. His eyes were glued onto the Younger male. He just couldn't look away.

Meanwhile, Yuuri was to scared to stare. He didn't want Viktor to think he was weird, and also there was the fact that Yuuri would blush every time he looked at Viktor because he looked so flawless.

Once their food had arrived, they began eating and made sure to take their time so they could talk about stuff at the Same time. There was a lot of laughing and giggling. There was a lot of deep emotional talk. Dates with Viktor was Yuuri's favourite thing. They were so sweet and he just adored being in Viktor's presence. It was the same with Viktor. Viktor wanted Yuuri for himself. No one else.

They both left the restaurant with smiles on their faces. They laced each other's fingers together and blushed. Yuuri expected a Quiet night in his house but Viktor had other plans.

"We're going stargazing tonight!" Viktor announced. "There's supposed to be a meteor shower! And the sky is clear!"

Viktor got reallly excited about the smallest things as Yuuri fucking loved it. He was like a small child. But he was Yuuri's small child. No one else apart from Yuuri had seen him like this. They didn't know how fun and romantic he was, how caring and sweet he could be. Only Yuuri knew these things and he was so so grateful.

Viktor lead Yuuri down the beach and they sat where they were the last time they'd come here. It was cold, but both of them were huddled right up against each other so they preserved some warmth. They still had their fingers laced together. They sound of the waves were relaxing. Especially at night. They could have listened to them forever. There weren't many lights around this area of the beach to when they looked up, it was a breathtaking sight.

Viktor untangled his hand from Yuuri's and lay back on the rocks. Yuuri was slightly disappointed, but followed Viktor and lay down carefully. He used his arm to cushion his head. Once Yuuri looked up, he gasped.

It was so beautiful. There were just a cluster of silver start shining above them in the dark night sky. Yuuri had never seen anything so beautiful. Except for Viktor. Viktor was the only thing more beautiful than the stars.  
He could make out some constellations after a few minutes of looking for them. 

 

"Yuuri! Did you see that?" Viktor suddenly gasped. 

"No, what was it?" Yuuri replied.

"It was a shooting star!" Viktor smiled. "Jesus they go by quickly. One blink and they're gone."

"What did you wish for?" Yuuri questioned him. Viktor smirked.

"You know I can't tell you." Viktor turned his head to Yuuri. "Although I hope it comes true." 

Yuuri smiled before looking back up. This was just perfect. The noise of the tide rolling in. The stars. Viktor beside him. It was more than Yuuri could ever ask for. Yuuri never thought he'd reach a point in his life that he could say that he was happy. But he was wrong. This was happiness to him. 

He gasped when he saw a quick flash across the sky. He made a wish. He smiled at himself. Dear god, he hope it came true. He turned his head towards Viktor, who was gazing up in awe at the sky.

He examined his face. His eyelashes were long and beautiful. His eyes were sparking. His nose was the slightest bit red from the cold. His lips. Just his lips. They looked so soft. They looked really shiny. What did Viktor's lips taste like, he wondered. 

He was so busy being it's in his own world, fantasizing about what Viktor's lips were like that he failed to notice that Viktor was starting back at him. Viktor had spotted Yuuri staring at him out of the corner of his eye, so decided that he'd just stare back at him. More specifically at his eyes. And his lips.

"potseluy menya" Viktor stared at Yuuri. 

Yuuri snapped out of his daydream and realised that Viktor was starting back at him. His cheeks turned a deep shade of red and his heart started pounding.

"W-what?" Yuuri stuttered, clearly embarrassed that he'd been caught staring. Viktor waited a few seconds before replying.

"If you're going to stare at my lips then you might as well just kiss me."

Yuuri froze. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was Viktor serious? Was he joking around? Yuuri looked to see if there was any sign that Viktor was. Joking, but he looked deadly serious.

Yuuri's heart was pounding in his chest. So was Viktor's. Yuuri could feel his stomach filling with butterflies and his checks were getting hotter and hotter.

Yuuri slowly edged towards Viktor and he could see Viktor smiling. He looked into his eyes. They were so full of warmth and love. Yuuri loved Viktor's eyes.

Yuuri looked down at Viktor's lips again before pressing his against Viktor's. 

His lips were so soft and warm.

Yuuri wouldn't care if the world ended right now. He was kissing Viktor Nikiforov and that's all that mattered.

And oh boy, was kissing Viktor the best thing he'd ever done.

•••••••


	16. Our place

\---------

 

That night, Yuuri didn't sleep at all. He was still in shock. He couldn't believe that he'd kissed Viktor. Viktor Nikiforov. The Viktor Nikiforov. It was also the first kiss he'd had with Viktor too. After all of Yuuri's fantasies about Viktor and after years of dreaming about him, noting could compare to what had happened just a few hours ago. His heart swelled up whenever he thought back to it. Kissing Viktor under the stars was the best thing he'd done. He was never going to regret it.

Viktor was still awake too. He was so happy. He never in a million years thought he could get Yuuri to kiss him. Since his failed attempt last month, he'd been going crazy over him. He knew only too well that he had feelings for Yuuri. And they'd been growing and growing as the time went on. He was pretty sure that Yuuri had feelings for him too. Yuuri probably didn't want a relationship right now though because he'd just come out of a long term one, and he'd been cheated on and abused in that one. Viktor knew that it would take time for Yuuri to rebuild his trust and gather himself together after what happened. Viktor was willing to wait though, because it was Yuuri who he was waiting for. And god, he'd wait a lifetime if he had to.

Viktor got out of his bed and threw on his dressing gown. He made his way outside, despite it being 5am. The cold air instantly hit him and his nose and cheeks turned slightly red. He walked around the back of the house to the spot that Yuuri had showed him a few times before. He sat down and huffed. Yuuri was right. The city lights looked absolutely stunning. He could see in the distance that the sun was beginning to rise. Viktor loved the sunrise. Especially in Hasetsu. It was so beautiful. Just like Yuuri.

Viktor stared at the sight in awe. Sometimes he doubted that coming to Hasetsu was the correct thing to do. He'd caused so much trouble for Yuuri. He'd broke his heart and made him cry, but that the end of the day, Yuuri had drawn Viktor to him. He'd skated so beautifully that Viktor felt the need to coach him and protect him. He never thought he'd leave St Petersburg, but it was moments like these that he was happy he did because he'd failed to appreciate the beauty around him before, but now Viktor appreciated every little thing.

He heard shuffling behind him and turned his head quickly. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Yuuri trudging towards him. Why was Yuuri up at this time? What was he doing?  
Yuuri sat down on the bench that Overlooked the city with Viktor. He made sure to leave a small gap between their bodies because Yuuri was still flustered from earlier and would probably explode if he touched Viktor again. Viktor looked over at Yuuri and smiled. He could see the sparkle in his eyes as he watched the sunrise. 

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Viktor spoke. He scooted slightly closer to Yuuri, closing the gap there was before between them. Yuuri's heart flipped but once he had calmed down slightly, he placed his head on Viktor's shoulder.

"Yeah." He replied simply. They were silent for a while. No needs were needed. They just sat there with each other watching as the sky was painted with hundreds of different colours. Yuuri loved this sight. He loved it even more this time  because Viktor was there with him to experience it.

Yuuri closed his eyes. He was really tired, and Viktor was so warm. It was probably a bad idea because within ten minutes he had fallen asleep. Yuuri was lightly snoring and Viktor looked down at him.

"Yuuri-?" He whispered. Nothing. Viktor combed his hair back and realised that he'd fallen asleep on him. He blushed. He pulled his phone out and took a picture before uploading it to his Instagram 

V-Nikiforov: ❤️

Viktor smiled before shutting off his phone and placing it back in his pocket. He then shut his eyes too and rested his head on Yuuri's. He too ended up falling asleep. They both dreamed about each other as the sun rose and another day of them being together started. They had each other and that's all that mattered to them for now.

\-----------

"Yuuri, that was beautiful." Viktor ruffled Yuuri's hair after he'd skated over to the side to have a drink. They'd been working on the free program all day and Yuuri was exhausted.

Yuuri just blushed as he gulped down his water. Viktor smirked before squeezing the water bottle, causing Yuuri to choke and spit it back out over Viktor and himself. Yuuri coughed and spluttered for a minute before wiping him mouth and looking up at Viktor.  
He didn't look pleased. 

Oh shit, Yuuri thought to himself before turning away and skating away.

"Yuuri." Oh shit "why are you going?"

Yuuri turned back around and skated back to Viktor. He looked at him in confusion before Viktor grabbed the water bottle and squirted it all over Yuuri. Yuuri just stood there, his hair dripping wet and his clothes damp while Viktor couldn't contain his laughter. Yuuri frowned and crossed his arms. Viktor took a while to calm down and wiped a tear away from his eye before looking back up at Yuuri.

Yuuri stood there for a minute, trying to think of something to do. Despite Yuuri being shy and anxious most of the time, Viktor forgot sometimes that there was a side to Yuuri that he'd never seen. And Viktor was about to be blown away by it.

"I want to practice Eros." Yuuri announced and skated over to the middle and waited for Viktor to turn on the music. Viktor just stared at the boy.

"Why? We're in the middle of practicing your free skate." Viktor tilted his head at him. Yuuri just glared at him until Viktor gave in and skated over to the CD player.

It was time to get Viktor back 

The music started and Yuuri began moving his body to the music. He found it hard to try and express this so called Sexual Love that he was supposed to. Was it wrong that he was dancing to seduce Viktor? Was it too obvious that his was for Viktor? Was Viktor even okay with that (Yuuri guessed he was because he'd kissed the man the previous day)?

Yuuri threw his head back and bit his lip and stared straight at Viktor. Viktor  could feel himself blushing as he continued to watch his boy skating to the music. He was starting to drive Viktor crazy. Yes, he'd told Yuuri to try and seduce him, but this, this wasn't fair. He never thought that he'd see Yuuri like this, skating with such Eros like his life depended on it. 

Yuuri was trying to hard to pour everything, every remaining bit of energy and emotion into this routine he was skating. Yuuri knew that Viktor liked this step sequence, so tried his very best to perfect it and pour everything he had left into it. The seconds half was coming and Yuuri was already thinking about flubbing the jumps. It wasn't as if this counted towards anything, but Viktor was watching which meant that he had to make sure everything was perfect. Viktor deserved nothing less than perfect, so that's what Yuuri would give him.

Viktor watched as Yuuri nailed the second half too, landing all his jumps perfectly. He was so proud of his Yuuri. This was just practice. He didn't even want to imagine what he'd be like in competition. Viktor couldn't take his eyes away from him. He'd told Yuuri to try and seduce him, and hell had he done his job. Viktor was completely smitten on the man. He was drawn to him. He wanted him to be his, and his alone.

Yuuri finished and Viktor pressed the stop button. None of them said anything. Yuuri skated slowly over to where Viktor was again, and took a minute to catch his breath. He then grabbed the water bottle and took a sip before splashing some over Viktor's face. He'd taken him by shock. Viktor ran his hand through his now wet hair and glared at Yuuri.

"How was that, Viktor?" Yuuri asked his coach. Yuuri probably sounded really confident but he honestly wasn't. He was terrified that his routine wasn't enough. What if he'd failed? It was only practice, but it was for Viktor, so it meant more to him than any other competition would. This was a competition for Viktor's love. Attention. Time. And Yuuri prayed to god that he'd Win because he knew from the moments their lips had touched yesterday that he wanted to stay with this man for as long as he'd let him.

"Practice is over. Good job." Was Viktor's reply. Viktor skated passed him and exited the rink. There was something different about Viktor. Yuuri couldn't put his finger on it, but Viktor was acting strange. Had Yuuri's seduction worked? He hoped it had. He waited a minute before exiting the rink himself and going to sit by Viktor to un tie his skates. After they'd packed Everything up, Viktor was about to leave before Yuuri called him back.

"I-is there something wrong?" Yuuri stuttered. Viktor's eyes were full of something. Yuuri didn't know what emotion, but it was one that he'd never seen before. 

"No." he replied simply before turning around again. He walked off leaving Yuuri confused and stunned in the ice rink. 

Viktor practically ran back to the house. He didn't know why. His legs just seemed to be carrying him there. He felt guilt about leaving Yuuri alone, but Viktor needed some time alone to think for a few minutes. He down once he entered the house and immediately went to his room. He flopped onto the bed and buried his face into the pillow. He didn't know what to do. He really didn't.

Viktor didn't know what he'd just seen by Yuuri, but he knew that he wanted to protect and care for that boy for as long as possible. He was intrigued by him. He needed him. He wanted him for himself. He wanted to care for him. And the only way Viktor could do that was to ask him to be his boyfriend.

\--------

A few weeks past, and now it was coming towards the end of June. Both Yuuri and Viktor were training hard, and the routines were coming along great. Yuuri had gained some confidence, and Viktor was starting to see a change in him. A good change Obviously. Yuuri had come out of his shell a lot since the hotsprings on ice competition, and was beginning to build up what he'd lost over the past years. 

Yuuri was still scared though. He was aware of how easy everything he'd been building up could come down. It was only too easy. He'd been going strong for a few weeks and actually developed some self confidence, which felt amazing because he'd never had confidence in himself before. It had been three months since Viktor had arrived in Hasetsu to be his coach, and he could safely say that it had been the best three months of his life so far.

Yuuri wasn't quite sure of what he was to Viktor. They were coach and student, so why, why on earth did Yuuri want more from him? Was he being greedy? They were best friends too, but that still wasn't enough to Yuuri and he didn't know what to do about it. He wanted something, but he wasn't quite sure what. He wanted to hold onto Viktor, and Viktor was the first person he'd ever wanted to do that to. He wanted them to stay together for as long as possible. He'd only known Viktor for three months, but it had felt like a life time. Viktor knew Yuuri so well, and that scared him because if Yuuri didn't win the upcoming competitions that lead to the Grand Prix Final, then Viktor would go back to Russia and forget about him. 

Yuuri needed to make sure that Viktor remembered him. He needed to make the time they spent together unique and memorable. The thing was, Yuuri had no idea how to. But he could try. That was the only thing he could do.

Yuuri had been tossing and turning in his bed all night, his body tired but his mind awake. And it was torture. It was nights like these that made Yuuri's confidence plummet and question who he was. It was horrible, and Yuuri always ended up in tears by the end of it. He wiped his eyes and got up. It was 5:47am, so decided that it was time to get up and watch the sunrise. He didn't think he could survive going back to bed anyway. He wrapped his scarf around his neck because it was probably going to be cold, despite being summer. He made his way downstairs and then outside. He walked around the back of his house and to the bench, only to see someone else sitting there instead. Viktor. 

Yuuri froze up and started panicking. Why was Viktor out here? Was he having a bad night too? What was he going to think of his dog pyjamas? Yuuri's thoughts were interrupted when Viktor called him name. He was starting at him and calling for him to come over. Yuuri blushed before walking over. He sat down on the bench and brought his knees up to his chest. 

"You've been crying." Viktor said. Yuuri turned his head swiftly and stared at him. How did he know?

"W-what?" Yuuri looked at the man. He never failed to surprise Yuuri.

"You always sit like that after you've been crying. What's up?" Viktor leaned on Yuuri's shoulder. Yuuri often forgot that Viktor could read him better than anyone else. Yuuri just sighed.

"I'm- I'm just scared..." Yuuri muttered.

"Of what?"

"Loosing you."

Both Yuuri and Viktor blushed and turned their heads at each other. Yuuri regretted opening his mouth.

"I'm not going anywhere, my love. I'd much rather stay here with you. We've got a Grand Prix Final to win anyway, haven't we?" Viktor nudged Yuuri. He sighed.

"I guess so...but what if they don't like me? You know I'm not a talented skater and everyone else is just... is just better than me." Yuuri cried. Viktor immediately grabbed Yuuri's face gently and turned it towards him.

"Yuuri, don't you even dare say that after what you did to me a few weeks ago. I don't think you understand how talented you are. You seduced me, Yuuri, you never fail. You are an amazing skater, and yes, maybe you're slightly older than the rest of them but Yuuri, don't you even think about saying that again when I'd gladly give up my career for you."  Viktor rambled. 

"But no one is ever going to remember me." Yuuri muttered.

"Then make them remember you"

Yuuri locked eyes with Viktor and he could see in Viktor's eyes how worked up he was about this. Yuuri took Viktor's hands from his face and laced their fingers together. Yuuri blushed. Viktor's hands were warm. Yuuri's were cold. Yuuri felt really guilty. He didn't say anything, he just stared back at Viktor. 

He didn't know why, but he has the sudden urge to kiss Viktor again. Yuuri couldn't put into words how much Viktor had helped him and how grateful he was for him, but he could with his actions. But he knew he couldn't. It wasn't fair on him or Viktor. He wasn't sure that Viktor actually thought about him in a way that was more than friends. Yes, they'd kissed and Viktor flirted 24/7, but it didn't feel right because they weren't a couple.

Yuuri turned his head away and watched the sunrise. It had become a common thing for them to find each other watching he sunrise on beautiful mornings. And it was great because it was a reminder for Yuuri about how grateful he should be for having Viktor. Maybe nobody else cared about Yuuri's point of view, but he couldn't put enough emphasis on how glad he was that Viktor had chosen to give his time to him.

"So is this like our thing now?" Viktor turned his head towards Yuuri.

"I guess so." Yuuri answered after a short pause. Viktor reached over and gently grabbed Yuuri's hands. They were cold. 

Viktor ended up wrapping both of his arms around Yuuri and pulling him under his coat like before. Yuuri loved the warmth, and the smell and just everything about Viktor. They didn't say a word to each other, they just stayed there in each other's arms as the run rose and casted thousands of different shades of beautiful colours. 

Yuuri looked up at Viktor and caught him staring down at him. Viktor immediately looked away, his cheeks dusted with a light pink colour. Of course Viktor was embarrassed. Only slightly though. He was just embarrassed at how undeniably attractive Yuuri was.

"Why did you choose me of all people?" Yuuri suddenly asked. Viktor tilted his head slightly at Yuuri. Was he doubting himself again?

"How could I not? You skate like your body's creating music. You have that unique ability and it's absolutely beautiful. You skate with so much pride and emotion. Yuuri, I've never seen anyone skate like you before. You're...you're incredible..." Viktor rambled. He looked over at Yuuri, who was still looking unconvinced as he watched the sunrise.

"There are so many better people though who actually deserve you. I- i just don't get why you didn't pick them instead..." Yuuri admitted. Yuuri was beginning to be a little more honest with Viktor now, and had started to find a relief in being able to let out his emotions out to him. It was a much better feeling than bottling everything up inside.

"Yuuri." Viktor said and grabbed his shoulders. He swiftly turned Yuuri so he was now facing Him. Yuuri tried to avoid eye contact but ended up staring straight into Viktor's beautiful blue ones soon enough."I wouldn't trade you for the world. I'd never leave you for anyone. Heck, I'm the one who doesn't deserve you..." 

Yuuri could feel tears beginning to form. He wasn't going to cry and made sure he didn't. He wanted to look away but his eyes seemed glued onto Viktor's. Viktor could see that Yuuri still looked unconfident and unconvinced, so suggested another way to get the message over for him.

"I'm- I'm just so scared that I won't be good enough for you...." Yuuri trailed off. Viktor moved his hands up to Yuuri's face and grabbed his cheeks ever so gently. Their faces were nearly touching, and Yuuri could feel himself burning up.

"Yuuri, you'll always be good enough for me. Whatever you do. I just want a little bit of your time, that's good enough for me. You mean so much to me, Yuuri. Anything we do together is good enough." Viktor began rambling on. Yuuri looked up from his fingers and looked straight into Viktor's eyes 

"Prove it to me then." 

What that a challenge?

No, it wasn't.

Yuuri wanted Viktor to prove to him that he was good enough. Viktor wanted to prove That Yuuri meant more to him than words would ever be able to express. That he wanted to spend every second by Yuuri's side. That he wanted him to win gold with him at the Grand Prix Final. That he would happily give his career to protect Yuuri.

He only knew of one way that the could properly express his emotions.

Viktor looked into Yuuri's eyes before pressing his lips onto Yuuri's. He closed his eyes and gently brought his hands back up to cup Yuuri's face.

He poured everything into that kiss. Yuuri could tell. He could feel how much emotion Viktor was putting in. Yuuri was in shocked, but kissed back, and tried desperately to give it everything he had to. 

Yuuri could taste the mint on Viktor's lips. They were soft and warm. He never thought they'd do this again. It had only been a few weeks since his first kiss with Viktor, but oh how he'd missed the feeling of his lips on his. Yuuri didn't need anymore words for now. Viktor's actions spoke louder than his words. And hell was Yuuri enjoying this.

They pulled away slowly after a good few seconds. They took a moment to catch their breaths. They just stared at each other. Once both of them had regained their breath, they walked inside without saying a word to each other. There wasn't any need for words. What had just happened was more than enough for Yuuri. He'd been proven a point. And he was glad he had been. 

Yuuri touched his lips. He couldn't believe Viktor had his kissed him again. He couldn't help feel that it was wrong though. They weren't even a couple. Yet. Yuuri knew it would take time for him to fully get over Izo, but as the lingering taste of mint was on his lips, he definitely knew who he had his eyes set on for the future.  
\------

Viktor had noticed something different about Yuuri in practice today. He didn't know if it was Because of what had happened earlier that morning, but assumed it was. Viktor couldn't stop replaying it in his head, and thinking about how Yuuri's lips felt on his. It felt so right. 

Yuuri was skating with much more expression than usual today. He really wasn't holding back. Yuuri was anxious that he was going over the top and scared that it wasn't good enough for Viktor, but as he skated though his free program, he decided that he was the only one who could show the audience how much Viktor meant to him, so he poured every emotion into it. Yuuri was making it harder for Viktor to take his eyes off him, and it took every ounce of Viktor's self control not to pounce on him. 

Yuuri landed his last combination jump as the piece ended, and began to come to and end when the music slowed down. He reached his arms out for Viktor and finished he routine. He then skated over to Viktor to get a drink.

"There's something different about you today Yuuri." Viktor commented.

"Is there?" He blushed. Viktor nodded his head. They talked about areas that Yuuri couldn't improve in, the only one for now being that he could try and practice his combination jumps a little more to make sure the landings were perfectly executed. 

"Okay, again from the top!" Viktor announced and clapped. Yuuri pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and fumbled around with it in his hands.

"Is there something wrong Yuuri?" Viktor asked when his student didn't skate to his starting point.

"Oh no- it's just...I've decided on a theme...." Yuuri looked up at Viktor has he fiddled around with his fingers and the slip of paper.

"Oh! That's great! Let's have a look!" Viktor clapped his hands and bounced excitedly. 

Yuuri handed him the piece of paper and Viktor unfolded it. Yuuri's heart was doing flips. Viktor looked down and smiled at it once he'd read it

"Yes, Yuuri. That's perfect." He smiled at him. 

Yuuri felt he could melt now. He'd never felt like this about anyone ever before. And he prayed that this feeling wouldn't go away because he was enjoying every second of it now that he'd labelled it. Viktor folded up the piece of paper and placed it in his pocket. They both smiled at each other and they both knew that they were on track to achieving great things each other. Neither of them had ever been happier.

Love is the theme I'll be skating to this season.

Please teach me 

•••••


	17. Sweet dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a time skip to the end of August in this chapter :)

••••••••••••

Yuuri sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the photo frame in his hands. He'd been thinking about it a lot over the past few days. He wiped his cheeks as a few tears spilled from his eyes. He wiped his fallen tears off the glass of the photo frame and sighed. He was scared and confused. He was torn. He really was. The reason being so was Izo.

He missed the old him. The person he was in love with five years ago. He was one of the sweetest people he knew. He didn't know why it had happened him, but he'd turned into a monster. He was the reason Yuuri hated himself so much. The reason Yuuri was so scared of disappointing others, because whatever Yuuri did for him, it was never good enough. The reason for so many sleepless nights. And the reasons for so many scars.

Yuuri wanted to see Izo again. The last time he'd seen him was nearly two months ago. He was so relieved that he hadn't bumped into him in the streets or anything. It was quite a foreign feeling to Yuuri, not having to worry about pleasing someone to their standards, and not getting hit or slapped. It was also weird to Yuuri to have someone actually care and support what he did, because he was so used to being tossed to the side and forgotten about by Izo that he'd learned to live that way, and still wasn't used to have someone interested in him.

There was a quiet knock at his door, but Yuuri failed to notice. He was too lost in his thought. Yuuri heard a flick of the light switch and the whole room lit up. He squinted at the sudden burst of light, since he'd been in the dark for so long. He looked up and saw Viktor standing at his door and looking directly at Yuuri.

"You didn't come out this morning." Viktor broke the silence and walked over and sat on the edge of Yuuri's bed.

Yuuri rubbed his eyes and sniffed. He tried to clean himself up slightly. Viktor noticed how sad he looked. There was obviously something bothering him, Viktor could tell by his actions and words. Viktor felt slightly awkward because he was absolutely terrible at dealing with crying people, but he tried his best and the prayed that it was enough.

"What's wrong Yuuri?" Viktor questioned him. Yuuri looked up at him and ran his hands through his hair.

"Nothing." Yuuri replied while looking down at his hands in his lap.

Viktor glared at him. Yuuri looked back up at him after awhile to see a pair of piercing icy blue eyes staring at him. Yuuri could feel himself getting slightly annoyed at Viktor.

"You're really stubborn, you know that?" Yuuri commented. He frowned at Viktor before going back to fumble about with his fingers. Viktor was slightly taken back at Yuuri's words.

"I'm only trying to help." Viktor replied in a sad tone, which made Yuuri feel really guilty. Yuuri rubbed the bridge of his nose. He kept on fucking up.

"Look, I'm Sorry I just-"

"No, it's fine, there's no need to apologise. It's my fault. I shouldn't have barged in like that. I'll leave you to it." Viktor nodded his head at Yuuri before getting up and walking towards the door.

Yuuri's heart skipped a beat. Viktor was leaving him. He didn't want to be left alone. He wanted Viktor with him. Yuuri really, really hated himself for making Viktor leave him. How could he be so stupid? Why did Yuuri have to fuck everything up all the time?

"D-don't leave me alone!" Yuuri shouted after him. He stuttered a bit and blushed in embarrassment. Viktor turned around and looked him in the eyes for a few seconds before smiling a little and walking back over to Yuuri's bed. 

The moment Viktor had sat back down on the bed, Yuuri tackled Viktor into a hug and knocked him over and off the bed. Yuuri let out a little yelp, not realising the strength he'd used. He screwed his eyes shut as him and Viktor slammed onto the floor and landed in a heap. Yuuri was pressed tightly against Viktor's chest, and was immediately embarrassed by it and scrambled to his feet. He didn't know why he was so embarrassed. They'd kissed, slept together, and they held hands and hugged all the time, so why was Yuuri becoming so jumpy and why was his heart racing every time Viktor touched him? 

He extended his hand and helped Viktor up before the both sat down safely on the bed. They brushed themselves off before smiling slightly.  
After Yuuri had apologised and after a slightly awkward silence, he spoke up again.

"Look, Viktor, I- I'm aware that I'm an ass and you probably want to strangle me, but I- I'm new to all this...This trusting stuff, so please be patient with me. I'm trying my best." Yuuri looked down at his lap. He didn't dare make eye contact with Viktor.

Unfortunately, Viktor had other ideas.  
He smiled before placing his long, cold fingers under Yuuri's chin and making him look up at him. Yuuri was taken by surprise and was blushing like mad, but was in awe at how delicate Viktor was with him.

"Yuuri, I care for you too much to strangle you, even if I wanted to. And don't worry, I'll help you get used to this whole thing. That's what I'm here for right? To reassure and support you. I know it'll be hard at first, but please try and trust me. You know I care for you more than anything in the world, right?" Viktor reassured him. Yuuri turned a dark shade of red and tried not to show how flustered he actually was. Viktor gently kissed the tip of Yuuri's nose, making his stomach flip.

"Now, Yuuri, tell me what's been bothering you." Viktor said as he moved him hand down and gently put it on Yuuri's. Yuuri stayed silent for a few minutes before finding the courage to speak.

"I know that this is going to sound really, really stupid, but I- I want to see Izo again." Yuuri muttered.

Viktor stared at him with a Are-you-serious look.

"Yuuri that is the stupidest idea I have ever heard. That man is dangerous! Look at what he did to you after hot springs on ice! He could easily hurt you again! You know that better than anyone!" Viktor grabbed Yuuri's shoulders and made him look at him. Was Yuuri out of his mind? Why did he suddenly want to go back to that man that had taunted him for so many years?

"No, I mean- I need to see him one last time before the competition next month. Viktor, I know it's hard for you to understand- b-but I just want to say goodbye..." Yuuri replied quietly. Viktor was grinding his teeth together in an attempt to not loose him temper with Yuuri.

"Yuuri, he could hurt you again! Even worse than last time! He doesn't need your goodbyes Yuuri, he doesn't deserve you! He cheated on you for three years. Be realistic here Yuuri." Viktor shouted at him. 

Yuuri flinched. Viktor had never shouted at him before. He'd never been this mad at him before. Yuuri could feel himself becoming more anxious and scared. Was he going to hit him like Izo usually did? Was he going to leave Yuuri then?

Viktor realised he'd fucked up when Yuuri flinched away from him. He shouldn't have raised his voice like that. Jesus, was he a hypocrite. Viktor didn't know what to do because he'd probably triggered Yuuri of all the memories of what Izo had done to him. He wanted to apologise but he couldn't get any words out. He just watched as Yuuri began to sniffle cry quietly. 

"Y-you don't get it, do you?" Yuuri cried. "I can't skate and properly show my love for you in my routine when I haven't said goodbye to Izo!" Yuuri yelled.

Viktor stared at Yuuri with wide eyes. 

His love for him?

"Yuri- I-" Viktor stuttered but before he could finish, Yuuri was up and out of his room in a blink of an eye. Viktor tried to call after him, but he was too late. Viktor huffed. Viktor ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He couldn't help but smile.

Yuuri was skating to express his love for him?

Viktor shook his head to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He pinched his hand. This was reality. He had no idea what to do. Viktor was surprised that he'd been so oblivious. When Yuuri presented his theme to him, he never in a thousand years would have predicted that he was doing it for him. He just thought Love in general. Love for his family. Skating. His hometown. He never though love towards him. And he didn't know how to react.

Viktor stood up and huffed. He needed to find Yuuri. He knew where he'd be. He couldn't have gone far. He walked downstairs and out Yuuri's front door. Viktor made his way around to the back of the house and to his and Yuuri's usual spot. Viktor was right. He could see Yuuri curled up with his knees up against his chest.

Viktor sat down next to Yuuri, startling the younger boy. Yuuri really wanted to be alone right now because the last thing he needed right now was a lecture from Viktor. Yuuri shuffled away slightly. Viktor reached out and put his hand on Yuuri's shoulder to show him that he was there to support him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Yuuri. I'm sorry that I didn't respect your feelings. I'm sorry for making you cry." Viktor apologised over and over. He hung his head low and tried his best not to cry.

Yuuri didn't say anything. He just scooted back over to Viktor and wrapped his arms around him tightly.  
They stayed there for a while, both crying into each other's shoulders, Viktor, from the guilt and Yuuri from the shouting.

"I'm sorry too..." Yuuri whispered.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry for. I'm the one in the wrong here." Viktor reassured Yuuri. Yuuri shook him head.

"I'm the one who made you shout at me..." Yuuri mumbled. Viktor grabbed Yuuri's shoulders and made him look at him.

"Yuuri, it was my choice to shout. I made a stupid mistake and I'll never be able to take it back. You're too hard on yourself, in the one who's to blame this time, okay? Now let's just watch the clouds for awhile." Viktor sighed before squeezing Yuuri's shoulders slightly and putting his arm around him.

There was a nice silence between the two. It was one which gave both of them time to think. About their careers. About the upcoming competition. About their relationship. Viktor glanced down at Yuuri who looked peaceful and harmless. He looked beautiful. He always did. Viktor ran his hand through Yuuri's hair, causing him to squeal. Viktor knew Yuuri loved when people played with his hair and it drove him crazy.

"Eager, are we?" Viktor giggled. Yuuri glared at him and buried his face into Viktor's chest.

"Did you mean what you said earlier?" Viktor asked Yuuri. Yuuri froze. Of course, he'd let it slip out. He didn't want to tell Viktor because he didn't want for him to look at him differently.   
He wasn't sure if Viktor would accept this feeling that he'd decided to call love, so he'd kept quiet about it.

"Of course I did...I've- I've always skated for you, Viktor." Yuuri admitted. He hid his face In embarrassment. Viktor pulled him closer and kissed his head. Viktor was so grateful that he had Yuuri. He never thought in a million years that he'd ever end up finding someone like Yuuri in his lifetime. He was just on a whole other level from anyone else Viktor had ever met. Viktor was so happy that Yuuri was skating for him. He had Yuuri, and that's all that mattered to Viktor for now.

"Thank you, Lyubov Moya."

\-------------

Yuuri raised his hand and knocked the door. He could feel himself shaking, he didn't know if it was out of nervousness or from the cold. He heard a key turn in the lock and immediately felt like he was going to be sick. He fumbled around for a bit before reaching behind him and finding Viktor's hand. He grabbed it tightly. He looked up at Viktor with a terrified expression. Viktor could already tell that Yuuri was nervous by his body language and aura. He wish he knew how to calm the boy down, but he knew that this time only Yuuri could calm himself down.

He door opened and Yuuri's stomach flipped. He felt like all the oxygen in the world was about to fade away from him. Why did he think this was a good idea again? He stared as Izo stood there with a smile on his face, like he was the most harmless thing in the world.

"Ah! Yuuri! It's nice to see you, please come in!" Izo greeted him. "I see you've brought a friend with you." 

Viktor snickered at the word Friend because Viktor was so much more than that to Yuuri. Izo shot him a glare.

"Would you like some tea?" Izo offered. Yuuri shook his head.

"Look, Izo, I want to get straight to the point. There's no time for fun and games." Yuuri said. Izo was slightly taken back from his words.

"Okay then. Let's go talk. Alone." Izo emphasised the 'alone' and stared at Viktor. Viktor gave Yuuri's hand a quick squeeze before letting go of it. Izo took Yuuri into his living room and closed the door to make sure Viktor couldn't snoop in.

"What do you want? Has Viktor had enough of you yet? Are you gonna come crawling back to me?" Izo crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently.  
Yuuri took a few deep breaths. He couldn't let Izo get to him. It had happened too many times before. He was not getting away with it again.

"I've come to say goodbye actually." Yuuri said firmly. 

"What?" Izo laughed. 

"Izo, I never want to see you again. This is the last time we're going to see each other." Yuuri stared straight at him, feeling slightly more confident. Viktor had his ear pressed against the door, and wished he could cheer for Yuuri because he was doing an excellent job right now considering he was a wreck just a few minutes ago.

"What are you on about?" Izo frowned at him. His heart was pounding too. Did Yuuri think he could just leave him just like that?

"Izo, you don't need me anymore. You and I know that. I don't want to see you again, because judging by the text you send me every Fucking day, I assume you think we're still together." Yuuri spat. Izo gritted his teeth and pointed at Yuuri.

"I've only been good to you, Yuuri. See, you always want want want, but you're never willing to give. Who do you think you are?" Izo yelled at him. Viktor widened his eyes.

How dare he speak to his Yuuri like that.

"I'm sure pressuring someone into sex and hitting them isn't being good to them. You've got another man in your life anyway. So have I. I don't need you, you don't need me. We're better off without each other." Yuuri threw his hands up in the air.

"Cut the Crap Yuuri, you're the one who couldn't decide on your sexuality. Who needs to be emotionally connected to someone to feel sexual attraction? Are you just making things up? And my ass, you can't last without me for a day. You're so helpless, you're so pathetic. You're weak Yuuri, and you always will be." Izo spat at him.

Yuuri could feel his heart ache. All the confidence, self belief and all the other things he'd built up over the past to months were being teared down by the man he had spent five years of his life with. Yuuri felt sick. He didn't know how to respond.

"What happened to you Izo? You- you used to be so sweet and caring. I trusted you with everything I had. I gave you everything I had, and now you're going to throw it all back in my face?" Yuuri said quietly. 

Neither of them spoke. They just stared at each other. Yuuri was desperately trying not to cry. The time for crying was over. He wasn't going to waste another tear on the man before. He'd wasted too many already.

"You ungrateful little shit. I'm going to make you regret being born." Izo gritted his teeth.

Viktor had heard enough. He shoved the door open glared at Izo. He promised himself that he wouldn't interrupt on Yuuri and Izo's (hopefully) last time together, but this, this, he'd never expected it in a million years. Izo had gone way, way to far. 

"Yuuri, what's going on?" Viktor questioned him. Yuuri didn't answer. He couldn't answer. He was paralysed with fear. He couldn't move. 

"That's none of your business, now get out." Izo interrupted and pushed Viktor back. Viktor shook him head at Izo before slamming him into the wall and rushing over to Yuuri.

"Yuuri, Yuuri. I'm here. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not going to let him hurt you. Understand? I'll make sure you're safe, I promise." Viktor whispered into Yuuri's ear while gently stroking his hair.

"T-thank you..." Yuuri stuttered. "Can we leave please. I don't think I can stand being here any longer."

"Of course. C'mon. Let's get going." Viktor lead Yuuri out of the room. They were about to leave when Izo hauled himself up from the floor.

"Where d'you think you're going?" Izo yelled. Both of them snapped their heads in his direction.

"On a date. Bye." Viktor gave Izo a sarcastic smile before opening the door.

"Don't you dare leave!" Izo warned them. "Yuuri! Listen to me!"

"Izo. I'm not in love with you anymore. I'll never forgive you for what you did to me. I never want to see your face again." Yuuri yelled back.

"I'll find you, Yuuri. I swear on it."Izo pointed his finger at them.

"Goodbye Izo." 

And with that, both of them left. They quickly walked down the flights of stairs and left the building. They were met by the hot summer breeze. Yuuri stopped and cupped his face into his hands. Viktor turned around and rushed towards Yuuri and engulfed him into a massive hug.

"I'm so proud of you Yuuri. I really am. Let's go to the park. We can talk properly once we're there." Viktor said before grabbing Yuuri's hand. They walked down the streets and the park soon came into View. It was only around 6:00 but there didn't seem to be any children out. Not that they were complaining.

They both made their way over to the swings and sat down on them. Yuuri pushed off and let his feet graze the floor as he became lost in thought.

"Izo's a dick. I can't believe you lasted five years with him." Viktor broke the silence. Yuuri sighed.

"Yeah, i didn't really have any other choice." Yuuri huffed. He looked out at the sunset and smiled slightly. He never failed to appreciate the beauty of his hometown.

"Yuuri, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but what did Izo say about your sexuality?" Viktor asked. Yuuri's heart skipped a beat. Sexuality had never been a particularly comfortable subject for Yuuri to openly talk about. Yuuri sighed.

"I've always thought of myself as Bisexual. I-i mean, I've always found boys and girls attractive, that's simple. But- but, I've never really talked about this to anyone for a long time, but- I- I don't know anymore. I've never really been comfortable with sex and stuff- I- it's embarrassing to talk about. Izo always put me down because I didn't want to have sex with him, but it wasn't my fault, I just hadn't though about sex with him until that point in time. I wasn't interested. I- I didn't feel sexually attracted to him. I didn't have enough of an emotional connection with him to- to feel attracted to him in that way. I couldn't help it. I-I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I'm probably just being stupid anyway..." Yuuri looked down at his hands.

Boy did he feel as if there was a weight lifted from his chest. He was relived to finally be able to get it off his chest. He sighed and looked over at Viktor who was looking at him with a slight smile on his face.

"Yuuri- I think you might be Demisexual" Viktor said. Yuuri looked at him with a confused expression. "Biromantic Demisexual." 

"What does that mean?" Yuuri asked him. He couldn't help but feel a little excited though. We're his feelings valid? Was there an actual name to this? Viktor pulled his phone out and googled it.

"A person who is romantically attracted to two or more genders, but will only feel sexual attraction when a deep bond is formed between them and their partner." Viktor looked up to Yuuri who looked like he was about to cry.

"So my feelings are valid?" Yuuri smiled. He was so overwhelmed that he'd finally found a label that he felt comfortable with.

"Yes, your feelings are always valid, my love. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, okay?" Viktor got up from the swing and pulled Yuuri in for a hug. He kissed his forehead and then smiled.

"Thank you, thank you so much Viktor. Honestly. You've helped me so much. I can't thank you enough." Yuuri blushed. Viktor smiled.

It took all of Viktor's self restraint to not kiss Yuuri. He knew he couldn't mess around with Yuuri's head and feelings, and decided to try and contain himself till he'd built up the courage to ask Yuuri to be his boyfriend. He knew Yuuri was going to take time to get over Izo, but he hoped that after today he could let go of him. Izo never deserved Yuuri's love. Viktor was going to prove that to Yuuri and to the whole world.

"V-Viktor, you've been staring at me for ages now..." Yuuri snapped Viktor out of his thoughts. Viktor because extremely flustered and began stuttering and fumbling about. Yuuri giggled. Viktor was so adorable. 

"Y-you're just really beautiful." Viktor blushed. Now it was Yuuri's turn to be flustered and Viktor's turn to laugh.

"N-no I'm not!" Yuuri stood up and adjusted his glasses before looking away from Viktor. Viktor sighed before delicately grabbing his chin and making him look at him.

"Oh, but yes you are." Viktor kissed Yuuri's nose. Yuuri became even more flustered and gulped. His heart was pounding and he felt like he was about to explode. Viktor, meanwhile just giggled at how adorable his Yuuri was. He was so happy that it was Yuuri who was his student. He had the most precious, beautiful student of all.

"How about we go get some tea, hey?" Viktor offered. Yuuri nodded and laced his fingers together with Viktor's. Both of them were so happy. Everything was so perfect when they were together. It was like the whole world was at rest. Of course, Yuuri's crippling self esteem and his anxiety still had a massive effect on his life, but Viktor had been able to start to build Yuuri's confidence back up. And for that, Yuuri was eternally grateful.

They both smiled and blushed at each other before walking off into the sunset together, hand in hand and hearts pounding.

\------------

Slap.

The sound of Yuuri hitting the ice echoed throughout the rink. He picked himself up and brushed it off. He tried again. No luck. Again. No luck. Again. Almost.

It was the night before Yuuri's first competition since the Grand Prix Final last year. He was competing in the The Chugoku, Shikoku, and Kyushu Championships. He was a ball of nerves. He couldn't mess up tomorrow. It was the beginning of his and Viktor's season. He needed to show everyone why he deserved Viktor, Because he was pretty sure that everyone hated him for taking Viktor away from the sport.

Yuuri had a lot on his mind. That's probably why he kept flubbing the jumps. As Viktor would say, Yuuri would always make a mess of his jumps when he was overthinking. He checked the time. 10:27. He hadn't realised it was so late. He quickly skated off the rink and took his skates off and shoved them in his bag. He slipped his coat on and said goodbye to Yuko before running back home.

He ran all the way, knowing that he'd get a lecture with Viktor if he wasn't in bed early. When he finally got home, everyone else was in bed already. He quietly set his bag down and slipped his coat off. He tip toed upstairs and slipped on his doggo pyjamas. They were his lucky pyjamas. He brushed his teeth quickly and then climbed into bed.

Yuuri should have known already that he would get an ounce of sleep.

He was so so so nervous. What would they think of him? Of Viktor? It would be the first time showing his free program that him and Viktor had created to the world too. There was so much on his mind. He just couldn't sleep. After what felt like hours and hours of lying awake and overthinking the smallest things, the checked the time. 12:27.

There was no way he was going to get to sleep. He would have normally gone outside and sat on the bench till he'd calmed down, but tonight was different. He needed sleep. Yuuri sighed. He'd given up on sleeping after another hour of being awake, and accepted that he was going to fail tomorrow.

A sudden knock on his bedroom door make him yelp and jump out of his skin. Who the fuck was knocking on his door at one on the morning? Was it a ghost? Or just his imagination? Yuuri wrapped his quilt around him to try and protect him as the door slowly opened. A head popped around it and he immediately relaxed when he realised who it was.

It was Viktor. 

He tiptoed into Yuuri's room and climbed into his bed and wrapped the quilt around him. Yuuri was confused to why the older man had just decided that he wanted to sleep with him and 1am.

"I knew you'd be awake. You nervous?" Viktor asked him. Yuuri hated how well Viktor knew him. He often forgot how close they actually were.

"Yeah." Yuuri answered plainly. He didn't know how else to reply.

"Come here." Viktor said before wrapping his arms around Yuuri's torso and pressing him against his chest. Yuuri could never express how much he loved cuddling with Viktor. "You're going to do amazing tomorrow, okay? We've practiced and been over these programs so many times, there's no reason for you to worry about mucking up. Of course, you can't help if you do but you're going to do your best, and that's all that matters, okay?"

Viktor kissed the top of Yuuri's head and ruffled Yuuri's hair. He knew that playing with his hair always relaxed him.

"I'm going to skate for you tomorrow." Yuuri whispered before snuggling into Viktor's chest. Yuuri closed his eyes and tried to go off to sleep.

Viktor kept twirling Yuuri's hair in his fingers until he could hear light snoring coming from the boy. Viktor always knew that it calmed him down and lived for the feeling of his hair between his fingertips. Viktor smiled down at Yuuri. Right now, Viktor had his whole world in his arms. He couldn't ask for more. Yuuri was his world. He loved him beyond what words could express. He kissed his forehead and smiled softly down at the boy in his arms.

"Sweet dreams, my love."

••••••••

 

Thanks for reading!


	18. Mine (part 1)

•••••••••••

Yuuri's heart was pounding like hell as they approached the building where here would be skating in a few hours. He gulped. He wasn't prepared. His last competition was last years Grand Prix Final, and he'd completely bombed that. People probably expected him to bomb this competition as well. He needed to prove that he was worth Viktor's time. That Viktor made the right choice in coming to Hasetsu to coach him.

Yuuri shook his head while entering the building. Yuuri was shocked at how many people were here to watch the competition. He subconsciously reached behind him and grabbed Viktor's hand. He took Viktor by surprise, but Viktor gave his hand a reassuring squeeze to show Yuuri that everything was going to be fine. Yuuri relaxed the slightest bit and took a deep breath.

He was soon escorted over to where the other skaters were, forcing him to part ways with Viktor. Yuuri gave a small whine and pouted when the warmth of Viktor's hand disappeared from his. He turned around and stuck his bottom lip out at Viktor. Viktor smiled back and blew him a kiss, making Yuuri blush. Yuuri was so adorable.

Viktor watched as the four competitors sat down with each other and chatted. Yuuri just sat there and played with his fingers while zoning out. Viktor could tell that he was nervous. He couldn't do anything this time though. He huffed and walked to the ice rink and shoved his and Yuuri's things down on the bench. It was going to be a long day.

"Yuuri Katsuki, you're up." Yuuri's palms were sweaty as he screwed his eyes shut and reached into the bag. The number that he'd pull out was what place he'd be skating in. He was begging that it wouldn't be first place. That's what happened at the nationals. He hated going first.

"Congratulations, you'll be skating in first place!" The woman announced. Yuuri's heart sank. Why did he always get the worst of luck?

He wanted to go off and find Viktor, but he was forced to stay with the other competitors for now. Yuuri was pissed. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He was so pissed at himself for having bad luck all the time. He crossed his arms and stared at the floor as his anxiety began to creep back up on him. The pressure of opening the competition was one that he'd hoped he wouldn't have to bear this time around, but as Yuuri's luck went, he had no choice. He wouldn't have minded going 2nd or 3rd or 4th, but never first. Being in first meant being confident about setting the standards. Being first was about being bold. Everyone was going to be watching him because he was the one to open the competition. Most people initially lost interest after the first skater, which meant less pressure for the other ones. To put it simply, Yuuri was terrified.

"I can't believe I've got to see you draw out first place again! It's so entertaining!" A excited voice came from his side. He looked over to see one of his fellow skaters staring at him, eyes full of energy. Yuuri didn't recognise the boy, and felt slightly guilty.

"Uh, I'm sorry- do- do I know you?" Yuuri stuttered and fumbled about with the bottom of his shirt. Yuuri looked up to see they boy looking heartbroken.

"You don't remember me?" He looked at him with some of the saddest eyes Yuuri had ever seen. Before he could reply, he was called up.

"Minami Kenjirou!"

The boy jumped up and bounced around, being the small ball of energy he was. Yuuri rolled his eyes at him. How could somebody be so relaxed and excited when they were going to skate in a few hours? Minami smiled when he pulled out 4th and expressed his relief through dancing around. Yuuri smiled slightly and got up and left to find Viktor. He missed him. He was like a little puppy on his own. He wanted to hug Viktor. He was warm. Yuuri was cold.

He popped his head around the corner and scanned the ice rink for him. He spotted him sitting on the bench while stroking his Makkachin tissue box. Yuuri rolled his eyes at him and made his way over. He had to remind himself way too often that this man was 27 years old. He acted like a child most of the time. But that didn't matter. Yuuri found him adorable, and he was willing to put up with him. He paused for a minute and stared at him from afar. He couldn't believe Viktor was his coach. This was their first competition together. Yuuri was going to make Viktor proud of him, and would only be content when he had the golden medal hanging around his neck.

Yuuri appreciated Viktor's beauty from afar too. He looked so harmless and pretty from afar. Of course, he still did up close, but seeing him from afar looking so harmless and pure was something Yuuri wouldn't ever forget. He didn't have time to drool over him for long though, because he wanted nothing more than to be in Viktor's arms. 

Yuuri speed walked and sat down on the bench next to Viktor. Yuuri looked up at Viktor and smiled before wrapping his arms around him. He breathed in his scent and listened to his heartbeat for awhile. He wished he could stay like this forever.

"I'm opening the competition." Yuuri spoke before sitting up and rubbing the back of his neck. Viktor smiled.

"That's great! You'll definitely set the standard! You're going to be amazing!" Viktor encouraged Yuuri. Yuuri smiled slightly and felt a slight confidence boost. If Viktor thought he could do it, then he'd do it for Viktor. Viktor stood up and offered a hand to Yuuri which he gladly took.

"We've got an interview in 20 minutes. Let's go get you ready, shall we?" Viktor placed a hand on Yuuri's shoulder and he nodded. Viktor lead him out and to the bathroom, past all the people. He handed Yuuri his costume and he took it and went in the cubicle to change.

Yuuri loved this costume. It fitted him perfectly. It showed everything he needed to show and Yuuri loved it. Yes, he felt a tiny bit self conscious in it but he didn't really think about that while he was performing. He was more focused on expressing Eros and not letting anyone down more than anything else. Yuri folded his clothes neatly once he'd put the costume on and slid his jacket over it. He opened the door and was immediately greeted by Viktor who had his mouth wide open. He'd forgotten how beautiful Yuuri looked in this costume. Yuuri was blushing as Viktor shamelessly swooned. Once Viktor had got over himself, he cleared his throat and set out the hair products.

"You know, I always love doing your hair." Viktor commented as he combed his students hair back. It was so soft. Viktor loved it. His fingers ran effortlessly through Yuuri's fluffy hair. He grabbed the comb and hair gel and began styling Yuuri's hair like he usually did. The two of them kept making eye contact through the mirror. Viktor tried to sneak some glances of Yuuri, because he looked absolutely stunning. Of course, Yuuri always caught him staring and glared at him causing both to blush and look away before the cycle repeated again and again. Yuuri gave up in the end and just let the man stare at him however much he wanted to. Viktor giggled and patted Yuuri on the head.

"Okay! You're all done." Viktor chirped and stared putting everything back in his bag. After he'd finished, he turned around to see Yuuri leaning over the sink and checking his hair in the mirror. Viktor watched the younger boy, intrigued by his every move. He couldn't wait so see him perform Eros.

"Why do you keep staring at me? Do I look that stupid?" Yuuri suddenly snapped Viktor out of his little daydream. There was a hint of annoyance in his Voice. Viktor slowly walked over to Yuuri and buried his head in the crook of His neck and gave him a warm hug. Yuuri grumbled but gave in and hesitantly wrapped his arm around Viktor too.

"You just look really beautiful in that costume." Viktor sighed. He was helplessly attracted to Yuuri. With the way Viktor was looking at him, Yuuri thought he was going to kiss him. Yuuri could deny that he was ever so slightly disappointed that he didn't, and instead lead him out of the bathroom and back to the rink. 

"Shit, we're being interviewed in 2 minutes." Viktor cursed as he looked at his watch. Yuuri threw on his jacket and followed Viktor to wherever it was that he was going. They ended up surrounded by masses of people and a TV camera suddenly. Yuuri didn't like it at all. All eyes were on him and Viktor. Yuuri looked down to the floor and tried to avoid making eye contact with anyone.

"Viktor, how are you feeling about today?" One interviewer asked.

"No pressure, we've timed this season so he peaks at the Grand Prix Final, so today he can take it easy and focus on scoring a personal best!" Viktor smiled. Yuuri frowned and turned to him.

"Viktor, how many times have I told you that i completely bombed last years Nationals and they thought I was injured but there was nothing physically wrong with me it was because I was mentally weak and I still am. You're expecting too much from be." He rambled.

"Wow! You never told me that!" Viktor gasped. He put his arm around Yuuri and patted his shoulder gently. "Don't worry. You'll be fine. I believe in you." Viktor whispered into Yuuri's ear.

After a few more questions and answers, they were excused and went to get ready for Yuuri's upcoming short program. They had around 15 minutes. Yuuri gulped as he sat down next to Viktor on the bench.

"Wait here. I'll be back now." Viktor smiled and left Yuuri alone on the bench. He whined as Viktor left him. He didn't want to be left alone, because he knew what Usually happened when he was left alone. He stared pacing up and down the side of the rink. He bit his nails to try and calm the nerves. It was useless. He checked the time again. They had 5 minutes. Where the hell was Viktor? 

Yuuri walked around and started searching for him, his heart thudding in his chest. Had Viktor left him? Fortunately, he spotted Minako and Takeshi out of the corner of his eye and started to run towards them.

"Have you guys seen Viktor? The competition starts soon." Yuuri asked while looking around frantically for his coach.

"No sorry, we've just arrived." Minako shook her head. Yuuri grumbled in frustration. Yuuri ran a hand through his hair and tapped his foot impatiently. There was suddenly a sound of squealing and gasping from behind him, causing him to swiftly turn his head and look at where the sound was coming from. 

He did not expect to be met with the scene of Viktor surrounded by a bunch of girls. They were snapping photos of him and crying as he adjusted his sleeve. Yuuri felt a pang of jealousy in his heart. Viktor was his coach. Not theirs. What gave them the right to get close to him when they'd only just met a few seconds ago? Yuuri wanted Viktor to himself. After all, he was his coach. They were openly and obviously flirting with him and Yuuri was getting more and more impatient. Boy was he going to show them who Viktor belonged to in his Eros routine. Yuuri shook his head. He was probably being stupid.

Anyway, he didn't have time to be jealous because 1) Viktor was in a suit and that was a sight that added approximately 10 years to Yuuri's life from the beauty of him and 2) the warm up started in two minutes.

"Sorry for the wait, I was just getting changed." Viktor walked over to Yuuri and winked at him. He could see people behind Viktor trying to get his attention, and Yuuri wished that they'd just fuck off for two seconds while they sorted out what was happening. They could have him all they wanted then. It wasn't like Yuuri was in control of Viktor and told him that he couldn't talk to certain people, unlike his ex-boyfriend.

"Why did you get changed?" Yuuri questioned.

"It's my debut as your coach today, remember. How do I look?" Viktor winked at him. Yuuri was sure he could die happily now.

What was he supposed to reply with?

Gorgeous, beautiful, amazing, exquisite, intriguing, stunning, pretty, enchanting, lovely, irresistible, The list went on and on.

"You look hot." Yuuri blurted out accidentally. He immediately covered his mouth and died inside from embarrassment. Viktor raised his eyebrows and leaned down to his ear.

"I'll have to wear suits more often then, won't I?" He whispered. Now Viktor had set him off. Yuuri was a blushing mess and a nervous wreck as they entered the rink. Viktor set Yuuri's skating guards down on the side while Yuuri took a drink.

He needed to win this competition, or it would give a bad impression of Viktor. He needed to win to prove that Viktor had made the right choice in coming to coach Yuuri. Viktor told him not to be nervous, but he couldn't help be because his mistakes would not only reflect on Himself but on Viktor too.

Yuuri needed to keep his concentration.

"What should I say as your coach before sending you out? I was thinking of something like-" Viktor began, but Yuuri just placed the water bottle down and entered the rink and began his warm up. He wasn't ignoring Viktor, he was just trying to deal with his nerves on his own because he knew that Viktor couldn't constantly be there for him to reassure or calm him down.

Yuuri was fiddling with the hem of his skirt. Viktor knew that Yuuri was nervous. Yuuri always, always fiddled with things when he was nervous. It was a coping mechanism for him. But now that Viktor had Picked up on it, he couldn't hide his nerves anymore. Viktor was just something else. He could read Yuuri so well, and Yuuri had no idea how. 

Focus Yuuri told himself. He couldn't let himself get distracted by Viktor, because if he fucked up, Viktor would be the one who was going to be the most disappointed. Yuuri didn't know what Viktor saw in him. He really didn't. Out of everyone in the world, why the hell did he choose Yuuri? There were so many better, talented skaters that were more natural than Yuuri, so what did Viktor see in him that made his fly across the globe to coach him?

After practicing his jumps and step sequences, the warm up was over. Yuuri skated over to where Viktor was on the side, and took a quick sip of his drink. His palms were sweaty and his stomach was churning. Yuuri didn't dare make eye contact with Viktor because 1) he was probably mad at him for ignoring him and 2) he was still extremely embarrassed from earlier.

"Yuuri, turn around for me." Viktor said. Yuuri frowned.

"Why?" He asked.

"I said turn around!" Viktor said a little more sternly than Yuuri'd expected.

"Like this?" Yuuri asked. He was slightly confused, and was taken by shock when he felt Viktor's arms wrap around him from behind. Yuuri let out a small yelp and stared blushing uncontrollably. What was Viktor playing at? Yuuri stuttered around for a while, not knowing what to do or say. He could hear the clicking of the cameras from the other side of the rink, and really wanted to tell them to fuck off.

"Seduce me with all you have. If you can seduce me then you can enthral the entire audience. Just like in practice." Viktor whispered into Yuuri's ear, sending shivers down his spine. Yuuri nodded and set the water bottle down. Viktor removed his arms from around Yuuri and blew him a kiss.

 

Yuuri skated to the middle of the rink where he got prepared to start his routine. Just like in practice he told himself. The music stared and Yuuri moved his body to it. He felt sick. This was his and Viktor's debut. Yuuri wasn't the same person as last year. The audience were about to see the birth of a new Yuuri.

Yuuri flung his head back and smirked at Viktor. He felt the tiniest bit embarrassed that he was trying to seduce his coach, but soon brushed it off. Viktor was sure his heart could have exploded. Yuuri looked so incredibly gorgeous on the ice.

Yuuri started his step sequence for the first half of his program. He made sure that he gave it every once of energy he had. He wanted to show people that this was the new Yuuri Katsuki. He was slightly disappointed at the reaction of the crowd. Everyone seemed to be more enthusiastic at hotsprings on ice. He shook it off though, because he knew that Viktor loved the step sequence. Yuuri hoped the girls from earlier were watching because Yuuri was going to prove that Viktor belonged to him.

Viktor had told him that if he could seduce him, he could seduce the entire audience, and hell was Yuuri doing an amazing job. Nobody could take their eyes off him. Viktor was smitten on him. He couldn't look away from him. His eyes glowed as he watched him. He had no idea how to feel about him. He was so in love with his performance. He didn't want it to end.

As the second half of the program approached, Yuuri got ready for his first jump; a triple axel from a spread eagle. He held his breath as he took off and thankfully landed it safely. He relaxed slightly, thankful that he'd been able to land it. He got ready to do his next jump, a Quadruple Salchow. He knew that jumps weren't his strong point, but he was going to give it his best. He knew that he'd only been able to land a quad salchow a few times without over rotating or falling, but he was going to do it anyway.

The anticipation was slowly eating away at him as he prepared for it. He held his breath and jumped and spun his body. He managed to land but unfortunately, he over rotated at the last minute. Yuuri cursed and picked himself up. He shook it off quickly, deciding that he could sulk later. Besides, he still had to pull off his last two jumps. 

He got ready for his last combination jumps. He took a deep breath before doing a quadruple toe loop into a triple toe loop. He cursed at himself again when his triple turned into a double. At least he landed them though. He'd probably get scolded by Viktor, but he couldn't help make a few mistakes. Viktor knew all too well that Yuuri wasn't excellent and nailing jumps, but he was brilliant at expressing his emotions and his step sequences. As Yuuri entered his combination spin and finished his routine, the crowd let out a massive cheer. Yuuri breathed heavily as he stood there. He was proud of himself for once. Viktor's eyes sparkled as he watched him. Yuuri had a lot to improve on, but Viktor was proud of him nevertheless. He only wanted the best for him, after all. 

Yuuri turned around to see what Viktor thought of his routine. He was pretty sure his heart stopped when he saw Viktor with an unsettled look on his face. Viktor was clapping though. Still, Yuuri was terrified that he'd disappointed Viktor. Yuuri'd given that routine everything he had. He really did. He hesitated before skating over to the side and joining Viktor.

"H-how was that?" Yuuri asked, fiddling with the hem of his skirt. Viktor grumbled.

"They first half was great but then the second half became slightly sloppy because you were focused too much on the jumps." Viktor commented. He could see Yuuri's face drop and immediately felt guilty.

"But don't worry though!" Viktor ruffled Yuuri's hair. "We have plenty of time to practice before the cup of china!"

Yuuri just turned away. Had he let Viktor down? Why did Viktor expect so much of him? Yuuri though he'd done good enough anyway. Yes, he needed improvement but considering it was his first competition since the Grand Prix Final, he thought he'd done well. He'd tried his best anyway. There was nothing more he could to now anyway.

"Short program results for Yuuri Katsuki." The announcement rang around the rink. Yuuri took a deep breath. He was not prepared for this in the slightest. How much did he recon he got? Considering he'd fucked up a few times, he was expecting a score in the 70's maybe.

"94.36." 

The whole rink erupted with cheers. Yuuri couldn't contain his smile. How had he even managed to get in the 90's? Yuuri was more than happy. Viktor turned to Yuuri and saw how happy he looked. He smiled as he watched his students eyes glow in happiness. Yuuri's smile was the most beautiful smile Viktor had ever seen.

Viktor escorted Yuuri out of the rink and onto the bench outside. He could see some TV cameras focusing on them from afar as he pulled his skates off. He knew they were in Viktor. Who would focus on Yuuri anyway? Viktor was the centre of attention for this competition. The competitors didn't matter. The Russian coach always got all of the attention everywhere he went.

"To be honest, I thought you'd score in the hundreds since you weren't under pressure." Viktor admitted. Yuuri scoffed.

"You've broken you're own records multiple times, that's easy enough for you to say." Yuuri relied.

 

"Oh, Yuuri, about tomorrow's free skate." Viktor started. Yuuri placed his skates in his bag before Viktor continued. "You should lower the jump difficulty and focus on the performance. We can adjust everything so you peak at the Grand Prix Final. You've never nailed them in practice, have you?"

Yuuri frowned. No, he didn't want to lower the difficulty of the jumps. He was going to do as many as he wanted, despite Viktor's protests. What was Viktor going to do about it? What could Viktor do about it? Yuuri was just as rebellious towards Viktor as Viktor was towards Yakov.

"Are you saying you can't listen to your coach?" Viktor looked up at Yuuri from his Makkachin tissue box. Yuuri just stared uneasily at him. Viktor barked at him before walking away.

Yuuri was planning on watching Minami's short program, but they were called over for an interview instead. Yuuri grumbled. Interviews made him so uncomfortable. He didn't want and didn't like to share his emotions with other people. What right did they have to intrude on his feeling, unless they were close to him? Viktor could sense that Yuuri was uncomfortable so answer med everything for him.

"Yuuri! Did you see my short program?" Yuuri heard a Voice from behind him. He turned around to see Minami staring at him.

"Uh- no sorry, I was being interviewed..." Yuuri replied awkwardly.

"What?!" Minami cried. "I even had a similar costume made from your famous 'Lohengrin' program..." Minami unzipped his jacket to reveal his costume. Yuuri gasped.

"Christ, that's a costume from my dark past..." Yuuri said in shock. Minami glared at him.

"You don't have a dark past! Don't you dare make fun of me for looking up at you for all this time!"

Yuuri stepped back slightly. 

"Tomorrow, you better give it your all in the free program or I'll never forgive you!" Minami pointed at him. Yuuri's eyes widened and he hesitantly agreed. Since when could a 17 year old kid who looked like a chicken nugget be so intimidating?

"C'mon Yuuri, we better be heading back to our hotel. We have a lot to discuss..." Viktor placed a hand on Yuuri's shoulder and guided him out of he building. Yuuri could already feel the nerves building up inside of him for the free program tomorrow. He was absolutely shitting himself.

The hotel they were staying in was literally a two minute walk from the rink. They checked in and went up to their room once they arrived. Yuuri plopped down onto the bed and lay on his back, pondering about what had happened today. 

Viktor was beside him, laying on his side, watching as the younger boy stared up at the ceiling. There was obviously something on his mind. It was probably the free program tomorrow. Viktor didn't know how to calm Yuuri down for that. Viktor couldn't help but get nervous himself. Yuuri ran a hand through his hair before turning over to Viktor.

"Did I do good enough today? Are you proud of me?" Yuuri looked into Viktor's eyes.

"Of course you were. You were brilliant, my love. We have a lot you can improve on, so we'll be sure to train hard in time for the Grand Prix Final, okay?" Viktor ruffed his hair. Yuuri blushed before getting up and changing into his pyjamas.

Yuuri turned to see Viktor watching him. He hated the fact that this room only had one double bed. It was only for one night, but Yuuri wasn't sure that sleeping next to Viktor was the best thing to do in this situation. Of course, he loved sleeping in Viktor's arms, he loved every second of it, but Yuuri didn't want to become too dependent on other people, because he knew the only way to channel his confidence and self belief were from himself. It also bugged him that they had to change In front of each other. Of course, Both of them had seen each other naked more than enough, but Yuuri couldn't help but feel so self conscious in front of Viktor. Yuuri had a lot of stretch marks on his stomach and thighs due to his sudden wait gain after the Grand Prix Final. He hated them. He always tried to cover them up. He was ashamed of them.

"Yuuri. Why are you covering up from me?" Viktor asked, eyeing the younger male. Yuuri blushed. Why did Viktor want to see him change in the first place? Was he just messing with him?

"You- you know I'm really self conscious in front of you..." Yuuri Reminded Viktor. Viktor sighed.

"You know, I am human too. So are you. You're beautiful Yuuri. Everything about you is beautiful. Your eyes, your lips, your nose, your stomach, your stretch marks, your thighs, just everything. They make you who you are, okay? You're beautiful because you're Yuuri Katsuki, and without all of these little things, you wouldn't be The Yuuri Katsuki you are now. Sometimes little flaws are good things because they remind you that you're human. You're gorgeous, okay Yuuri. Don't ever say you're not again, understand?" Viktor rambled. Viktor had a way with his words, he really did. He either had no fucking clue what to say or he knew just the right thing to say. There was no in between. 

Yuuri was close to tears. Viktor was a blessing he really was. He didn't deserve him. Viktor deserved all the happiness in the world. He was such a nice person. Yuuri adored him.

"Why are you crying Yuuri?" Viktor asked suddenly. What had he done wrong? Why was Yuuri upset? Yuuri sniffled for a bit before answering.

"No one has ever said all of these things to me before. I've always felt so- so worthless. I'm used to being tossed to the side, but you're the first person to say things like this to me. A-and they're hard to take in because no ones ever made me feel the way I do when I'm around you. Thank you, Viktor. Thank you from the bottom of my heart." Yuuri cried. Viktor was close to tears himself.

He reached his arms out to Yuuri to show him that he wanted to cuddle with him. Yuuri smiled slightly before slipping into his pyjama trousers and climbing into bed and snuggling up with Viktor. Yuuri whispered a small thank you into Viktor's ear, and pressed him face Into his chest. It was moments like this that Yuuri was glad that Viktor had decided to come to Japan for him. Viktor was to good for him. Seriously.

Viktor looked down and stroked Yuuri's hair. Within a few minutes, the boy had fallen asleep in his arms. He smiled down at him and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Viktor's heart skipped a beat. Yuuri made him feel something he'd never experienced before. He felt more alive when he was around him. Thanks to Yuuri, Viktor had learned to appreciate even the smallest things in life, and that there was Beauty to be found around every corner.

Viktor didn't know where the future would take the both of them, but he knew that he wanted to stay by Yuuri's side for as long as possible to protect him.

He never wanted to leave Yuuri's side again.

•••••••


	19. Mine (part 2)

•••••••••••

The next day when Yuuri woke up, he was immediately struck by the cold air. He opened his eyes groggily and rolled over. He was expected to be greeted with the sight of Viktor beside him, but instead it was just the image of an empty bed. Yuuri sat up and rubbed his eyes. He reached over to the bedside table and grabbed his glasses. He slowly slid them on and looked around him.

There was no trace of Viktor.

"V-Viktor?" Yuuri called as he slowly got out of bed. Nothing. He checked the bathroom. Nothing. Where the hell was he? Had he just left Yuuri like that? Yuuri grabbed his phone off the table and checked for any texts.

4 new text messages.

Yuuri relaxed slightly and prayed to god that they were from Viktor. He typed in his passcode and immediately checked his texts

From: Izo Suoh (cuntbag)  
To: Yuuri Katsuki.

 

I love you

Please get back with me

I miss you

You're the only one for me.

Yuuri grumbled in anger. Why couldn't he understand that Yuuri didn't want to see or hear from him ever again? What was so hard to grasp about that concept? Yuuri quickly typed a reply before throwing his phone onto his bed.

From: Yuuri Katsuki   
To: Izo Suoh (cuntbag)

Fuck off. If I ever got back with you the first thing you'd do would be whip your dick out. Leave me alone.

Yuuri turned around and spotted a note taped to the door of the hotel room. His heart skipped a beat. He took it off gently, making sure that he wouldn't rip it. He scanned it quickly and sighed.

Yuuri.

I know you'll be nervous for the competition this afternoon because, well, you're Yuuri. Meet me at the hotel restaurant around 12:30. I'll buy food for you to take your mind off the competition.

Love from   
Viktor xxx

Yuuri could feel his face burning up. Viktor was too good for him. He didn't deserve people like Viktor in his life. Yuuri set down the note gently and smiled. He checked the time. 12:43pm. Yuuri squealed. He quickly text Viktor and apologised for being late and then began searching for something decent to wear. He went to rummage through his suitcase when he remembered that he hadn't packed any casual clothes, only his costumes, pyjamas and sport gear. 

Yuuri frowned and slammed his suitcase shut. He grumbled in frustration, and was half thinking of just turning up in his pyjamas when he remembered that Viktor always took huge masses of clothes with him everywhere, just in case. Yuuri's house wasn't that far away from where the competition was being held, it was just that Viktor had convinced him that it would be best to stay in the hotel that was literally right next to the building. Yuuri wasn't complaining though.

He zipped open Viktor's suitcase and was immediately greeted with masses of clothes. Just as Yuuri expected. He shook his head and laughed. Viktor was so predictable in some ways, but at other times he completely blew Yuuri away with surprises. He quickly looked through Viktor's clothing stash, not wanting to be too long because he was really late already. Yuuri gritted his teeth impatiently. Viktor seemed to own only smart and expensive clothes. Did he even have casual outfits? Did he know what casual even was? 

Everything was too big for him as well. Yuuri was only 5'8, while Viktor was 5'11. Luckily, Yuuri found a pair of skinny jeans at the bottom of his suitcase. Yuuri sighed in relief. He was so happy that Viktor had packed them, otherwise he would have gone in his pyjamas. He managed to find and pull out Viktor's black training t shirt he wore in practice. He quickly put on the shirt (which was way to big for him, since Viktor had wider shoulders than him) and hopped into his skinny jeans. He had to roll them up at the bottom since they were too long for him, and secured it around his waist with a belt because they started to slip down.

Yuuri dashed to brush his teeth and hair and put on a random pair of shoes. He went to look for his Japan jacket, but couldn't find it anywhere, so gave up and just took Viktor's Russia one instead. He zipped it up, and rolled the sleeves up. He hoped that Viktor wouldn't mind. He made sure to lock the door to their hotel room before rushing down the stairs and went to search for the restaurant.

Meanwhile, Viktor was tapping his fingers impatiently against the table. Where the hell was Yuuri? It was 12:56 by now. Yuuri was nearly half an hour late. Had something happened? Viktor stared out the window in hope that the busy streets around him would calm his thoughts. He had no such luck. The competition started at 3:30 but everyone needed to be there by around 2:30

Viktor gave up after another 5 minutes and started getting ready to leave. He sighed in disappointment. He was hoping that he could have a nice time with Yuuri. Just them two. He scooted his chair back and went to stand up when he spotted Yuuri running in through the door. He sighed in relief and sat back down and smiled.

He waved Yuuri over and winked at him, in attempt to try and make Yuuri a little flustered. Yuuri's cheeks turned the slightest bit red, and Viktor knew he had done it right. Jokes on him though, once he noticed that Yuuri was wearing his clothes, Viktor became a blushing mess and desperately tried to cover up. Yuuri looked so pretty with his Russian jacket on. It was the one from the Grand Prix Final last year. It was way to big for Yuuri too, which made him look adorable. 

Yuuri giggled as he sat down opposite Viktor. He apologised once more for being late. Viktor just hummed in reply and kept his gaze on the streets outside. Viktor didn't want to look at Yuuri because HOLY FUCK did he look adorable and Viktor would become embarrassingly flustered and smitten on the man, even more than he already was.

"Oh- I'm sorry, I didn't have any spare clothes to wear so I hope you don't mind me wearing yours..." Yuuri blushed. 

Viktor was a flirtatious and flamboyant guy, and didn't hold back in any way with flirting, but this was one of the first times that Viktor had been this flustered because of someone else. It was embarrassing. Yuuri never failed to draw Viktor to him, even if he wasn't trying to.

"Is there something wrong Viktor?" Yuuri asked, noticing that Viktor was refusing to look at him. Had Yuuri done something wrong? Was he mad at him? Viktor slowly turned his head towards Yuuri and started biting the inside of his gum.

"It's- it's nothing, don't worry..." Viktor trailed off. He cleared his throat before running his hand through his hair. "You should wear my clothes more often..."

"W-what?" Yuuri blushed, not knowing if he'd heard him right. Yuuri played with his sleeve for awhile to avoid making conversation with Viktor. He was too embarrassed. Both of them sat in a mildly awkward silence for a little while before Viktor slid the menu over to Yuuri.

"Pick whatever you want. I'll pay for it." Viktor said, not making eye contact with Yuuri. Yuuri scanned it quickly and searched for the cheapest meal, because he felt guilty that Viktor was going to pay for him. Yakitori was the cheapest thing he could find, and settled with that. Yuuri didn't mind though, he quite enjoyed it to be honest. He informed Viktor and gave him a small smile. Once their orders had been made, they were ready for the wait.

"How are you feeling Yuuri?" Viktor asked the man opposite him. He knew that Yuuri was probably nervous, although not quite as nervous as he was going to be when he competed in the Grand Prix Final qualifying rounds.

"I'm good, just a little nervous..." Yuuri trailed off. He tapped his fingers on the table and chewed his lip.

"It's good to be a little nervous. Just don't let those nerves effect on your mindset, okay? You're going to do amazing, trust me." Viktor reassured Yuuri. He took Yuuri's hand into his and gently stroked it with his thumb. Both of them looked at each other and smiled. Yuuri's heart was pounding. He could feel himself blushing. He loved the feeling of his hand on Viktor's. He felt safe. He felt confident. He felt love.

"V-Viktor, there's something I want to tell you..." Yuuri stuttered. Yuuri couldn't believe he'd just said that. He was going to tell him. 

"Hmm? What is it?" Viktor turned his head to the side slightly and smiled at Yuuri. Yuuri took a deep breath.

"Viktor, I- I think-"

"Order for table 14!" Yuuri was interrupted by the waitress bringing their food over to them. Yuuri sighed. He'd blown his chance. He cursed at her. 

"Oh! Yuuri! I almost forgot! We'll revert your free program today to having only one quad, okay? We'll build it up bit by bit for every competition so you peak at the Grand Prix Final." Viktor informed him. Yuuri just grumbled and hesitantly nodded. Yuuri didn't want to do just one quad. He knew we could fit three in. Viktor couldn't tell him what to do (well he could because he was his coach but), so Yuuri was going to do whatever he felt like doing. He was going to show to Viktor that he was more than capable of making his own choices.

Yuuri quickly ate his food. He didn't want to be late to the competition. The food tasted decent. It wasn't the best Yuuri'd had but it certainly wasn't the worst. Besides, it was a hotel restaurant so they weren't exactly top quality anyway. 

Viktor watched as Yuuri ate his food peacefully. He smiled and took a bite of his own. Viktor sensed that Yuuri was slightly pissed off at him for telling him to revert the program, but Viktor only wanted the best for Yuuri. He watched as Yuuri finished his meal and set the last skewer down on his plate. 

Yuuri ran a hand through his hair and adjusted his glasses. He stared out the window with shining eyes. He admired every little thing about the city. Yuuri traveled a lot, it was a part of being a skater. Yuuri appreciated everything around him, wherever he went. He made sure he did. It was one of the things he enjoyed most about traveling.

Viktor had traveled a lot too. He'd traveled more than Yuuri, for sure. He'd seen so many beautiful sights. Hell, he'd been around the world to compete in figure skating competitions for so many years, he was pretty sure he'd seen half of the globe. He'd never really had time to appreciate all the beauty around him, but from all the sights he'd seen, nothing could compare to the boy who was sat in front of him. Yuuri was prettier than any multicoloured sunset and sunrise Viktor had ever seen. Yuuri was more beautiful than the countless beaches and mountains he'd been to. Viktor had seen so many gorgeous sights over the years, but Yuuri was by far the most gorgeous.

Viktor had spent so much time daydreaming about Yuuri that he hadn't realised that he'd spilled his food all over himself. Viktor gasped as he grabbed a napkin and frantically tried to get the sauce of him in case it would stain. Yuuri turned his attention to Viktor after spending awhile zoning out and thinking about the competition. He could see that Viktor had stains down his shirt that he was trying to get off, but he was only making it worse. He was like a child. Yuuri still didn't know how this man was 27 years old.

"Come here, silly." Yuuri rolled his eyes at his coach before getting up from his seat and walking over to him. He grabbed the napkin from Viktor's hand and dipped it in his glass of water. He began scrubbing the stains off Viktor's shirt. To remove the stains properly he'd need to use cleaning powder, but they couldn't do that now so they'd do that one they had the time to. Yuuri was about to get up when he spotted another stain on Viktor's trousers. He huffed before scrubbing away at it.

Viktor's eyes widened when he felt Yuuri's hand on his thigh. What on earth was he doing? Viktor looked down and saw that Yuuri was gently cleaning one last stain on his trousers. It just so happened that that stain had to be in such an awkward place. Yuuri was so naive. Viktor chewed the inside of his lip as he tried to find a distraction. Viktor could feel his cheeks heating up. Don't you even go there, Viktor he told himself. He breathed out. 

"Okay, I think I did a decent jo- hang on, why is your face so red?" Yuuri got up and questioned Viktor. Viktor's mouth was wide open and he stuttered and spluttered around for a bit. 

"I-uh-just- it's really hot in here, isn't it?" Viktor though of the lamest excuse possible. Yuuri rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. He wasn't buying it. Viktor still couldn't believe how naive Yuuri was. I'd didn't really matter anyway, Viktor was just surprised. Viktor looked at his watch. "Jesus, he have an hour to get ready, we've got to hurry!"

Viktor grabbed Yuuri's arm and ran with him to the counter and payed before dragging him back to their hotel room. Viktor immediately ordered Yuuri to jump in the shower while Viktor got ready himself. Viktor decided to wear the same thing as the previous day, it was one of his best suits and it made him look really experienced and smart, plus Yuuri had said that he looked hot in it. Viktor was brushing his hair when Yuuri emerged from the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his waist. Viktor didn't want to make him self conscious because Viktor knew that Yuuri didn't like people staring at him, so he looked away.

Yuuri put on his underwear and then moved to his costume which was set out on the bed already. Yuuri loved this costume. He adored the colour and the sequins. Everything about it was beautiful. With Viktor's help, Yuuri got into it and patted himself down. He looked in the mirror. He didn't look too bad. His hair still needed doing though. 

"Onto my favourite part!" Viktor did a little dance as he grabbed the hair products from his bag and set them out on the table. Yuuri sat on the chair in front of the mirror, and the eye game stared again. Viktor was going to win this time too, so he kept his have fixated on Yuuri as he combed his hair back and put the gel in it. Yuuri stared back too. He didn't dare break eye contact with Viktor. They declared it a draw when they finished. Yuuri slipped on his glasses, just to walk to the Venue or he'd probably get run over by a car.

"Viktor, have you seen my japan jacket anywhere? I couldn't find it this morning either." Yuuri asked Viktor as he rummaged through his suitcase to triple check it wasn't in there. Viktor smiled before walking over to his pillow and pulling it from under there. He plopped it into Yuuri's arms with a smile on his face. He'd never seen Yuuri look so confused in his life.

"Why was it under your pillow?" Yuuri asked, a blushing mess. Viktor just closed his eyes and smiled.

"I don't know...for good luck I guess. You have a calming scent." Viktor smiled, causing Yuuri to turn a deep shade of red. Yuuri had no idea how to react. Viktor just giggled at the flustered man. "C'mon. Let's head to the rink."

Yuuri just nodded and slid on his jacket. He smoothed the creases in it and zipped it up. He smiled up and Viktor before grabbing his bag and walked with Viktor out of their hotel room. Viktor locked the door and then both of them walked quickly to the rink.

Yuuri began to feel his stomach churning as they got closer to the rink. He was honestly terrified of performing today. It was his first time performing his free program in front of an audience. He had to nail it otherwise people would think that he was wasting Viktor's time. Yuuri breathed in and out deeply, desperate for a way to calm his nerves. He couldn't let himself get this nervous so early on in the season. If he couldn't cope with this, how the hell was he going to cope in the Grand Prix series? 

Again, he subconsciously grabbed Viktor's hand when they entered the building. There were even more people here today. Yuuri kept his gaze to the floor to make sure that he didn't make eye contact with anyone. He could feel the nerves building up inside of him. They reached over to the side of the rink and set their things down. They had time to relax a little before the competition started. In Yuuri's case, it was definitely not relaxing that he was going to do, it was quite the opposite.

Yuuri rested his head in his hands and stared at the floor. He covered his ears to block out the sound of everything around him. It was too loud. There were to many people around him. He felt trapped. He was trying to stay focused for his performance. He could absolutely not let himself over think this one.

Yuuri got up and walked out of the rink. Viktor watched him walk away with a confused expression on his face. Yuuri made his way through the masses of people and out the door. He breathed heavily and leaned against the wall. He started picking at his nails. Why was he so nervous? He wasn't as nervous now compared to previous times, but still, this was a small competition so why did it matter so much to him? 

It was Viktor's fault.

Yuuri wanted to make Viktor proud of him. He knew he was slightly disappointed with him from his short program, so Yuuri had to make it up to him with his skating in his free program. He was skating this routine for Viktor, so he was determined to make it perfect for him.

Yuuri removed his glasses and put them in his pocket. He sighed. Yuuri didn't know why people expected so much of him. He always bombed everything. Did he deserve Viktor by his side as him coach? Was he worthy of Viktor's time? The answer was probably no. Yuuri'd never be good enough for him. He didn't deserve someone like Viktor by his side.

"I thought I'd find you here." Yuuri heard a voice from beside him. Yuuri rolled his eyes. He looked to the side and glared at his coach. "What's wrong, Yuuri?"

Yuuri looked back down at the ground. He started playing with the hem of his jacket. 

"I'm just nervous. I- I just don't want to disappoint you..." Yuuri trailed off. He was embarrassed to admit it. He didn't want Viktor to think that he was pathetic or weak. Viktor would have hugged Yuuri to comfort him, but he knew that It wasn't the best thing to do in this situation. Viktor didn't want Yuuri to think that he thought he was weak.

"Yuuri, the only way you could disappoint me is if you stopped skating, okay? You're going to do great. I'm sure of it. C'mon, let's go back inside." Viktor reassured Yuuri and lead him back inside.

Yuuri sat down on one of the benches in the middle of all the people as Viktor handed him his skates. He put them on and tied the laces quickly. He could hear the TV presenters in the distance. He sighed. He turned his head the other way and watched as the other skaters socialised with each other and chatted casually. Yuuri felt a pang of sadness in his heart. He wished he could do that. He wished he had the confidence to talk to new people. He wasn't very good at making new friends. They were discussing the quads that each of them were doing. Yuuri listen listened closely as he finished tying his skates. If the younger ones were attempting a few quads then Yuuri was definitely not setting with just one quad this time. 

Yuuri got up onto his feet and stared walking to the rink. He walked over to the side and took his glasses out of his pocket and placed them in his bag. Yuuri took his skating guards off hand handed them to Viktor, who was right behind him. He made his way to the entrance of the rink. He passed Minami on the way. Minami was looking at him with a smile on his face. Yuuri quickly glanced at him before glancing away again. Yuuri took to the ice. He needed to focus on himself right now. He couldn't afford to get distracted by the other skaters.

Viktor glared and sighed at Yuuri. He was aware that he was anxious and nervous to skate, but he'd just crushed Minami's heart, Viktor could tell by the look on the teenagers face. He knew that Yuuri wasn't very good at talking to other people and felt awkward when he didn't know what to say, but motivating others was something Yuuri would have to learn to do, otherwise how the hell was he going to motivate himself? 

After the warm up had finished, Yuuri exited the rink and looked at Viktor. He looked pissed. Yuuri looked away from his sheepishly, and tried to find a distraction.

"Yuuri, how are you supposed to motivate yourself when you can motivate others? I'm disappointed in you." Viktor said before slamming Yuuri's skating guards down on the wall and walking away.

Yuuri looked at Viktor with wide eyes and mouth wide open. What about his own motivation that he'd just destroyed? Yuuri felt a pang of guilt in his heart. And more than anything sadness. Viktor was disappointed in him. That was the one thing that Yuuri never wanted to hear from Viktor. 

"The first skater taking to the ice: Minami Kenjirou!" 

Yuuri turned his head and saw the teenager skating to the middle of the rink. He started walking away. He needed to start warming up. Each step he took only filled him with more guilt. He turned around to look at Minami, who was about to start his routine. 

"Minami, Good Luck!" Yuuri yelled across the rink. Minami's ears pricked by the sound of his name being called. He frantically looked around to see who it was. His eyes landed on Yuuri who was by the exit. "Good Luck!"

Minami's eyes lit up and he squealed slightly before the music started. Yuuri watched as the energetic boy started dancing to the music. He got the crowd fired up right away. After watching him for a few more seconds, Yuuri left so that he could warm up. He stuck his earphones in and breathed deeply. He rolled out his mat and began stretching. He had around ten minutes before he was up. He found that keeping busy before a competition calmed his nerves a little.

He still couldn't take his mind off Viktor though. He'd said that he was disappointed in him. That was the worst thing Viktor could have possibly said to him. It broke his heart, it really did. Yuuri knew he'd fucked up but Viktor could be too harsh on him sometimes. Yuuri forgave him anyway, it wasn't like he was going to be able to hold a grudge against Viktor forever for saying one hurtful thing. He'd had much, much worse in the past anyway.

Yuuri rolled up his mat and headed back into the rink. He was up next. He walked through the doors and spotted Minami cheering on the skater who was performing. Yuuri kept his eyes on him as he strutted towards him. Minami could feel someone's eyes in him, and immediately blushed when he realised that Yuuri was walking towards him. We watched Yuuri walk past him and turn around to slap him on the back before walking over to Viktor.

Yuuri pulled off his japan jacket and handed it to Viktor, who was stood in front of him. Viktor's heart swelled at the sight of Yuuri in his costume. He looked gorgeous.

"This costume's great. You look the most beautiful in it." Viktor complimented Yuuri. "Your lips are chapped."

Viktor pulled out his lip balm from the pocket of his coat and unscrewed the cap. He dipped his finger into it before gently applying it to Yuuri's lips. Yuuri was trying his best not to blush. He had to focus on his performance now, he could fantasise about Viktor later. Viktor put the lip balm back in his pocket before hugging Yuuri and patting his back. Yuuri hugged back before taking to the ice and skating to the middle.

"The last skater: Yuuri Katsuki!" 

Yuuri got ready in the middle. His palms were sweaty and he was sure his heart was going to burst out of his chest. Once he heard the music start, he started moving his body to it. The beginning on the program represented when Yuuri felt like he was fighting alone. Yuuri didn't know back then, but he was never alone. Not once. He had so many people behind him and ready to cheer him on, it broke Viktor's heart when Yuuri told him how he felt.

 

His first jump was supposed to be a Quad toe-triple toe combination since they'd reverted the program. Viktor was shocked when Yuuri changed the triple to a double. His next jump was supposed to be a triple Salchow, but Yuuri ended up doing a Quadruple Salchow instead. Viktor sighed. Yuuri had reverted the program to having three quads, hadn't he? Viktor shook it off. He knew that Yuuri was reluctant to making compromises anyway. Viktor just hoped that Yuuri didn't focus too much on the jumps and actually focused of the whole routine this time. Yuuri was probably feeling under a lot of pressure right now anyway. Yuuri didn't like change so that was probably another reason he'd reverted the program.

Yuuri mostly nailed all of the other jumps in the first half of his routine, and before he knew it, the second half was approaching. This was the part when Yuuri realised something like love. Yuuri was skating like the most beautiful person on the ice. Nobody could take their eyes off him. All of his emotions were being poured into his routine, and each person could feel how strong they were. He moved from a spread eagle into an Ina Bauer. The music started to build up again and it was time for his next combination jump: a Triple axel-single toe loop- triple Salchow. Yuuri touched down on the last one, but go back on track quickly. 

Yuuri was extremely impatient today. He was so desperate to express his love in his routine, and he was doing a great job. That's why nobody in the room could take their eyes off him. Everyone was glued to him. It was impossible to look away. He managed to land his triple Lutz-Triple flip combination and moved onto the step sequence. He knew he wasn't very strong at jumps and was still working on them, but he was brilliant at step sequences. He was determined that he would win today. He was going to show everyone a Yuuri that they'd never seen before. This was the Yuuri worthy of Viktor. Worthy to reach the Grand Prix Final. His last jump was a quad toe loop, but Viktor had told him to make it a triple for the points. Yuuri began to panic. What was Viktor going to think about this? Was he going to be mad?

Yuuri was too caught up in his thoughts and fucked up the landing of his jump, sending him flying into the wall and smashing his face against it. He groaned from the pain, but had no choice but to carry on if he wanted to win. The could hear the gasp from the crowd and laughed at himself. It was typical of him to do something like that. Yuuri finished with a combination spin and reached out towards Viktor as the music ended. Everything always ended with Viktor. And he hoped his love story would too.

He stood breathless in the middle of the rink. It was weird to hear so many cheers from around the rink. He'd hardly received any at the Grand Prix Final because of how bad he'd fucked up. Yuuri tried to hold back him tears. He was proud of himself. Had he been good enough? Judging from the reaction, he had. Yuuri waved and the crowd when he suddenly came to a stop.

What did Viktor think of it? His routine and the reactions he got meant absolutely nothing if Viktor wasn't pleased with him. After all, he was going it for him. He needed to please him.  Viktor stood there glaring at him before face palming. Yuuri's hear sank. Had he done that bad? Had Viktor not enjoyed it? Was he mad?

Yuuri's doubts immediately vanished once Viktor looked up at him with his beautiful blue eyes and outstretched his arms for him. Yuuri gave him the biggest smile before shouting his name and skating into him arms. Viktor dodged him at the last minute because of his bleeding nose, but Yuuri didn't mind. He'd made Viktor proud and that's all that mattered to him. He could finally say that he, Yuuri Katsuki, was worthy of Viktor Nikiforov.

\------

Around two weeks later, the press conference for the skaters in Japan was held. Every competitive skater had been asked to attend and reveal their themes for the upcoming season. 

Yuuri had dressed smart for the occasion. He was wearing his Black suit and light blue tie, the same as the had to the Grand Prix Final banquet. Yuuri had taken the train to the press conference, it was only around an hour away from Hasetsu luckily. He'd insisted that Viktor wouldn't come with him because of how pointless it would be, it would only cost more money and the press wouldn't even want to speak to Viktor.

Viktor sighed as he watched the TV with Makkachin by his side. He stroked him as he huffed and waited with Yuuri's family for Yuuri to appear on screen. Viktor wasn't sure if there was point of him watching it because he wouldn't be able to understand much anyway. 

Viktor had lost interest in it when a certain Someone popped up in TV, making Viktor shoot up and smile. Yuuri was called up to reveal his seasons theme. His family was eagerly awaiting. Of course, Viktor already knew the theme.

"Skater Katsuki, please reveal your theme." The reporter asked. Yuuri plopped his board down on the stand, and earned a gasp from everyone. 

Love.

Yuuri grabbed the mic from the reporter and began giving his speech.

"A lot of people have helped me in my skating career thus far, but I haven't really thought about love until now. Although I was blessed with support, I couldn't take full advantage of it. I always felt like I was fighting alone. But then Viktor showed up to be my coach and since then I've seen something totally different. Love isn't something as clear cut as romantic love for me, but the more abstract relationship with my family, Viktor and hometown." Yuuri started.

"I've finally been able to realise that Love exists all around me. Viktor is the first person I've ever wanted to hold onto, and though I don't have a name for that emotion, I've decided to call it love. I now know what love is and I'm stronger for it, and I'll prove that by winning the Grand Prix Final!" Yuuri declared.

Silence. Everybody's mouths were wide open in shock. Yuuri laughed nervously. Had he gone over the top?

"T-thank you skater Katsuki." The reporter said before dismissing him. Yuuri thanked him and then exited the room. Yuuri was embarrassed. Had he actually declared his love for Viktor in front of the whole of Japan. He didn't have time to think about that now, anyway. He had an hour long train journey home. 

Back home, Yuuri's family were in shock. Viktor had no idea what Yuuri'd been saying, but his tie irritated him so he decided that he could burn it later. Viktor got up and went to his room. It was nearly 5pm. Yuuri was due to return around 6pm. Viktor missed him already. Viktor scrolled through his phone. Nothing interesting seemed to be going on. He set his phone down and just lay down and though about stuff. 

Around half an hour later, Viktor checked his phone again to see that his notifications were overflowing. He could see some texts from his closest friends and a bunch of tweets and Instagram messages. What was going on? Whatever it was, Viktor didn't want to be a part of it. He hated drama. He decided to check the sport headlines as a way to waste time before Yuuri returned. He scrolled though a few headlines, getting bored of the same old football ones when one specific one caught his eye

Breaking news: Yuuri Katsuki declares love for coach, Viktor Nikiforov at emotional press conference [watch video]

Viktor was pretty sure his heart stopped beating. He blinked a few times to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He switched his phone on and off a few times to make sure that it wasn't fake. His heart was pounding. Was there any chance that Yuuri returned his feelings? 

Viktor scrolled down and tapped the Video. It was the same livestream from earlier, but with English subtitles. Viktor wanted to worship whoever had translated it because now Viktor knew for sure that Yuuri felt something for him. Even if it was the tiniest thing. Fuck, Viktor needed to take Yuuri out in a date to make absolute certain that they felt the same way. Viktor sent a quick text to him and immediately got changed to what he wore for their first official date.

Yuuri got off the train in a hurry and had his father pick him up from the train station. They drove in silence back to the house, Yuuri was tired after the press conference. There'd been so many people there, he really wished that Viktor was there but he knew it was probably a good thing that he wasn't there because Yuuri didn't want to become too dependent on someone else.

Yuuri turned his phone on and checked his texts.

To: Yuuri Katsuki   
From: Viktor Nikiforov⛸

I'll take you on a date tonight once you get back. You deserve it xx. 

Yuuri blushed and felt his heart swell. Another date with Viktor, hey? Was he dreaming?

"What's got you so smiley all of a sudden?" Yuuri's father questioned him. 

"Nothing." Yuuri smiled. He looked down at his lap and bit his lip. They pulled up at his drive and Yuuri immediately legged it into his house and upstairs to change. 

Yuuri knew what to wear because he knew all too well what drove Viktor crazy. He quickly changed his clothes and then grabbed his phone and went to meet Viktor downstairs. He looked around for him for a little while before spotting him outside. He blushed before making his way outside.

Viktor immediately turned his head in Yuuri's direction and blushed at him. He looked so cute and gorgeous, as always. Viktor smiled and laced their fingers together before they walked towards the city. Viktor was going to make this night memorable for many reasons. 

They started off going sight seeing for a bit before finding a good restaurant and having food there. They laughed and joked all night. Viktor flirted with Yuuri pretty much non stop. Yuuri was constantly blushing, not used to all these compliments being showered over him. Viktor was genuine. He wouldn't say things for fun or to mess with him, and that's why Yuuri was blushing so much. By the time they'd finished food, both of them decided that they never wanted this night to end. They were having the time of their lives. It was just the two of them, head over heels for each other, with no worries for now.

They laced their fingers together once they left the restaurant and headed towards the beach where they'd had their first kiss together. Both of them thought back to it when they thought of beaches now. It was the most perfect moment of their lives. They both smiled fondly at the memory, wishing they could re live it.

They both sat down on the rocks, just like last time. Viktor's eyes were fixed on the sea while Yuuri stared at the sky. The stars were shining brighter than before. The moon was out too. Yuuri turned his head to look at Viktor. He looked so beautiful in the moonlight. Viktor turned his head at Yuuri, who's face was shining from the moonlight, which made him look gorgeous. Both both smiled and looked away. 

Yuuri moved closer to Viktor and wrapped his arms around him. He breathed in his scent and listened to his heart beat. It was one of the most relaxing things Yuuri had ever heard. Yuuri took his head off Viktor's chest and rested it in his shoulder instead. They both listened to the waves for awhile. It was much a calming sound.

"The waves sound like music." Yuuri said quietly as he ran his hand through Viktor's hair. Viktor blushed.

"In that case, shall we dance?" Viktor suggested. Yuuri looked up at him and smiled. Both of them got to their feet and giggled. Yuuri could never recall dancing with someone before now.

Viktor placed his hand on Yuuri's hip, and Yuuri assumed he was supposed to put his hand on Viktor's shoulder. Viktor took Yuuri's other hand into his, and pressed his body closely to Yuuri's. They swayed back and fourth while gazing into each other's eyes. This is what happiness felt like for the both of them. Being with one another.

"V-Viktor? Could you sing something?" Yuuri asked his coach as he rested his head on his shoulder. Viktor was reluctant at first before looking down and seeing Yuuri's sad eyes. He gave in then. He warned Yuuri that he couldn't sing, but Yuuri reassured him that he would be great. Viktor cleared his throat and began dancing with Yuuri again.

"I have died every day waiting for you  
Daring, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years   
I'll love you for a thousand more." Viktor sang quietly. He pressed a kiss to Yuuri's head before wrapping his arms around him.

Yuuri was surprised at how well Viktor could sing. Viktor had so many hidden talents he'd never told Yuuri about, but Yuuri would have never guessed singing was one. He was going to have to bribe him to sing more often.

They stayed in each other's arms for awhile, just enjoying each other's warmth and presence for awhile before Yuuri spoke.

"Viktor, what are we?" He asked quietly.

"Hmm?" Viktor hummed back. 

"What... what are we as in what are we to each other?" Yuuri said. He was being to get slightly flustered again.

"I'm not sure." Viktor replied him. 

They were silent one again. The sound of the waves rolling in and crashing against the rocks was surprisingly relaxing to both of them. The coldness of the autumn air made Yuuri shiver slightly and wrap his arms tighter around Viktor.

Viktor stared down at the beautiful boy that he had in his arm. He couldn't quite believe he'd found him. He was one in a billion. No one had ever made Viktor feel this way about them, ever. Viktor was so obviously head over heals for the boy in front of him, and he wanted to spend every moment of his life with him.

"Yuuri, would you like to be my boyfriend?" 

Viktor and Yuuri's eyes met once more. Viktor stared down at Yuuri with so much love in his eyes, while Yuuri stared up at Viktor with so much happiness and life in his. He looked like he was about to cry.

"Yes-yes... I'd like that Very much..." Yuuri nodded his head and smiled at Viktor. 

They both smiled at each other before Yuuri went up on his tiptoes so that he could kiss Viktor. Viktor brought his hand to the back of Yuuri's head as their lips met, and both of them knew that this was going to be the best experience of their lives. They both pulled away, breathless, before Yuuri hugged Viktor again. 

Viktor smiled and kissed his forehead again. Yuuri looked up at Viktor with the biggest grin on his face. Yuuri rested his head on Viktor's shoulder. Both of them were silent for awhile, drowning in happiness before Yuuri turned and whispered to Viktor.

"Please stay with me." 

•••••••


	20. Accident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii! I hope you guys had an amazing Christmas and new year! Anyway, I'm so sorry for not updating in so long. I'm trying to transfer all of the chapters from wattpad to here at the moment and I'm doing it off my phone so im literally about to loose my shit
> 
> Also holy shit I'm overwhelmed at the response this fic is getting I'm??? Thank you so much for all the lovely comments, honesty. They mean the world to me. Thank you so much.

••••••

Yuuri didn't expect this. He didn't expect it at all. He hated this. He had no idea what to do.

When Viktor asked him to be his boyfriend, and when Yuuri accepted his offer, of course he didn't expect everything to be perfect after. Of course he didn't expect all of his problems to disappear over night. But he hadn't expected this either.

Yuuri tossed around in his bed, awake for the third night in a row. He didn't know what to do with himself. He needed to get his shit together soon, because his lack of sleep was effecting his body and his effort in practice was becoming sloppy. It wasn't like he could help it though. If he could, then he would have done whatever it took, but he couldn't. 

Viktor's and Yuuri's relationship had gotten off to an okay start. Nothing really changed between them, except they were slightly more straight forward and romantic with their actions. Both of them were happy- extremely happy with each other. It was weird for Yuuri to be in a relationship that included trust and respect- the two things that his previous relationship had been deprived of. Viktor was ecstatic- he couldn't believe Yuuri was now his, after chasing after him for so long.

When they were around each other, the world felt at peace. It was like they were the only ones that mattered to each other. Neither of them could explain how happy they made each other. The feeling they had when they were together was indescribable.

Yuuri got up and got dressed. There wasn't even any point in him trying to go back to sleep. His mind was torturing him. He hadn't experienced it this badly in a good few months. His anxiety was worse than ever. His doubts and fears had come flooding back, hitting him like a train, and although Yuuri didn't want to believe it, he knew that it was all because of Viktor.

Viktor had been so good to him. Too good for him in fact. He was so supportive and encouraging and it was so uplifting to hear such kind words for Yuuri. Yuuri knew that the should have been more grateful for Viktor, but he couldn't help but doubt him. 

What if he turned out to be just like Izo? Everything was perfect so far. That's what happened with Izo. Everything was perfect, or it seemed to be perfect to start off with. Then came a few remarks that he was told to 'not be sensitive about'. Then came the shouting. And then the hitting. And then everything all at once. It escalated so quickly after Izo's mother died. That's how fast a person could change. Izo only needed a few seconds and he was a completely different person. What if Viktor was the same? Yuuri didn't want to doubt him, but the poor boy couldn't help it because of what Izo had done to him.

Yuuri grabbed his bag and left the house. He checked the time quickly, and was shocked to find that it was 3:27am. He hadn't expected it to be that early, then again, the nights seemed to drag on forever from Yuuri's point of view. He didn't care though. He needed to do something with himself or he was certain that he was going to spiral out of control, and that wasn't something that Yuuri wanted to happen again.

He closed the door behind him quietly and began jogging lightly. Luckily, there weren't many people out because of how early in the morning it was, but who would have the need to be out at 3am anyway? Yuuri looked up at the cloudy sky above him as he jogged to the ice rink. It was quite calm out and there were no sounds to be heard other than a few passing cars and Yuuri's uneven breathing.

Once Yuuri reached the ice rink, he rummaged through his bag and found the key to the door. Yuko and Takeshi had decided to give Viktor and Yuuri a key to the ice rink after deciding it would be much more convenient for them if they could visit at anytime. Yuuri pulled it out and unlocked the door before putting it back in his bag. He turned on the lights and the whole place lit up.

Yuuri took a few minutes to regain his breath before walking over to the bench and putting his skates on. He tied them up before walking slowly into the rink. He pulled his skating guards off once he'd reached the side before taking to the ice. 

He warmed up first, skating a few laps of the rink and practicing a few jumps. Yuuri was already feeling exhausted not more than 10 minutes later. Viktor had complimented his stamina a few months ago, but Yuuri couldn't really help that it was low now due to his lack of sleep. Coming here was probably a very bad idea considering that he had practice later today. Pushing himself could result in a serious injury.

Yuuri took a break after around half an hour of skating. He felt awful. He was absolutely exhausted. He could have fallen asleep right then and there. He really wished that he could. It was around 4:30 in the morning now, his training session with Viktor didn't start for another few hours.

He left the side of the rink and returned to the middle after a few minutes. He had no idea what to do for the next few hours. His body was aching. His head was pounding. He just felt like shit in general. If the Grand Prix series wasn't so close then he would have asked Viktor for a day off, but he knew he couldn't afford that. All of the other skaters were so much better and much more confident than him. He needed all of the practice he could get to make absolute sure that he had even the slightest chance of winning and making Viktor proud.

Over the next couple of hours, Yuuri had pushed himself over the limits. He had rivers of sweat dripping from his forehead, his breath was completely uneven, his chest was in so much pain, his feet felt numb. Yuuri had never done anything as stupid as this before. Viktor had always been there for him to stop Yuuri or to steer him away from taking the reckless path in training. Viktor had always been there to care for him and look after him, but now, Yuuri was alone. And it was the last time he wanted to be, too.

Yuuri took another break. He just lay down on the ice. His back and his hair got slightly wet but it was no big deal. Yuuri didn't care anymore so it wasn't like it mattered anyway. It was deadly silent. It was a painful silence. It was like fingers on a chalkboard for Yuuri. It pierced him. The silence was too much for him. 

Viktor was the only thing on his mind. He literally couldn't get the man out of his head. Every second of his time, he spent it thinking about him. He was completely hooked on him, but that was a positive as well as a negative thing.

Viktor had helped Yuuri in so many ways. He'd help him gain confidence in himself, he'd help him develop not only as a skater but as a person too. He'd grown physically stronger as well as mentally stronger. He was a lot more independent than before, and actually had some belief in himself- all thanks to Viktor's encouragement. Of course, Yuuri knew that it was himself that had made all of these things happen. Viktor had only supported him and encouraged him along the way, and for that, Yuuri was eternally grateful.

Then again- Viktor coming here made Yuuri so so so afraid of loosing someone for the first time in his life. He wanted to hold onto Viktor for however long as the universe would let him to. He never wanted to leave his side. And while it was good motivation for Yuuri, the thought of Viktor tossing him to the side because he wasn't good enough completely destroyed him and he pushed himself over his limits to try and prevent that.

Yuuri didn't know how long he was laying there for, but when he heard the faint sound of a door opening and his name being called, he shot to his feet and brushed himself off.

"Yuuri! I was looking for you everywhere!" He turned around to see Viktor by the entrance with a smile of his face.

"S-sorry..." Yuuri scratched the back of his head and stared at the floor

"Don't worry, its fine. C'mere" Viktor said and reached his arms out for Yuuri. He smiled slightly and skated to the side and into his boyfriend's arms. Both of them stood there for a few minutes just enjoying each other's touch and warmth. "You've been practicing hard I imagine?"

"Yea..." Yuuri mumbled into Viktor's shoulder. He closed his eyes and breathed in Viktor's scent. It was so comforting to Yuuri. He felt like he could fall asleep on him, and he probably would have if they weren't about to start their training session. Viktor patted Yuuri on the back and let go of him.

"I take it you're ready for a long day of training?" Viktor chirped and ruffled Yuuri's hair. He gulped before hesitantly nodding. "Good!"

Viktor stared at Yuuri for a moment before smiling and pulling his head closer to him. He kissed his nose and then giggled. Yuuri was blushing like a mad man and his heart was racing.

"You're so cute, d'you know that?" Viktor smiled at his boyfriend. Yuuri bit the inside of his lip and played with the hem of his shirt. "I'm just going to put my skates on, I'll be back in 5 minutes, okay?"

Yuuri nodded and watched as Viktor left the rink. Yuuri let out a huge breath. He felt really anxious around Viktor today, and he didn't know why. He could probably guess though. He was trying his best to make him proud.

An idea popped into Yuuri's head out of the blue. He smirked to himself slightly. He knew it was a bad idea, but he was going to do it anyway.

How would Viktor react if Yuuri learned how to do a quadruple flip?

Yuuri decided to give it a go. He'd attempted to do it a few times before, but each time it had ended badly. Celestino had actually banned him from doing it when he was training in Detroit, because of how many times he'd nearly seriously injured himself. Yuuri knew that doing a successful quad flip would probably make Viktor the happiest man alive, so Yuuri was willing to sacrifice everything he had for that.

He got ready and began skating around the rink to build up enough momentum to do the flip. He prepared himself before taking of and rotating in the air. He managed to get two rotations in before he fucked up the landing, sending him flying across the rink.

Yuuri groaned as his body hit the ice. When he stopped sliding, he rolled onto his back and groaned. Everything hurt like heck. He understood why celestino had banned him from doing it now. He was drained of his energy completely. Yuuri could feel his left ankle throbbing. He knew he shouldn't have attempted it in the first place. He wanted to make Viktor proud though. This was the only way. 

He picked himself up from the ice and yelped slightly. His knee was aching like hell too. He must have landed on it pretty hard. He was lucky he hadn't hit his head. He took a few seconds to regain his composure and get his breath back. Viktor wasn't back yet, but he probably would be soon. Yuuri took another chance. There was time to try once or twice more.

Yuuri took a deep breath before starting again. He tried skating slower and built up on his speed gradually. He was determined to land it. He'd been at it for years, trying to copy Viktor but he could never get it right. Nevertheless, Yuuri didn't give up, and didn't plan on giving up anytime soon either. He was going to land the quad flip no matter how long it took him.

Yuuri was ready. He gathered up enough momentum and was ready to attempt it again. That all he wanted was to do one successful quad flip. That's all he asked for. He prayed that this one would go well. He took a deep breath.

Yuuri bit the inside of his lip before he got ready to jump. He took off and spun in the air. His blood went cold as his skate slipped before he took off, and he knew he was in big trouble. He tired his best to rotate his body but it ended up failing completely. He was in big trouble. 

Yuuri didn't have time to think before he felt a sense of overwhelming pain and darkness closing in on him.

\---

Viktor stopped in his tracks as the heard a massive bang coming from the rink. He discarded the bag that he was zipping up and walked into the rink.

"Yuuri?" He called out, looking around for his boyfriend. He scanned the ice rink but he was no where to he seen. Viktor started to panic. He'd been there only a few minutes ago. He moved closer and peered over the side. 

His heart stopped.

"Nononono-" Viktor's eyes widened and he quickly shoved his skating guards off and took to the ice. He skated as quickly as possible to the right had corner of the rink.

Viktor could feel tears coming to his eyes as he looked at him. His eyes were focused on Yuuri, who was lying unresponsive on the ice. Viktor kneeled down and shook him slightly. Viktor gasped when he moved him and saw a pool of blood around his head. This was a nightmare. Viktor didn't know what to do.

"Yuuri? Yuuri, can you hear me?" Viktor placed a hand on his shoulder and shook him.

Nothing.

Viktor turned him over and cradled him in his lap. He could see a massive gash at the side of his head that seemed to be bleeding endlessly. There was blood everywhere. It was all over the ice, dripping down Yuuri's face, in his hair, and now on Viktor's trousers. 

Why was his boyfriend Unconscious and bleeding all over the ice? That was the question on Viktor's mind. What happened? Why had it happened? 

Viktor took a tissue from his pocket and put it over Yuuri's forehead to try and stop the bleeding. It became drenched in blood in a few seconds. Viktor knew it was serious. Yuuri was loosing too much blood. He needed to do something quickly or Yuuri was going to have some serious problems.

"Yuko!" Viktor cried out desperately. He looked down at Yuuri who looked so pitiful. He was a mess. Viktor brushed his hair back and coughed and spluttered for a bit. What did Yuuri to to deserve this? Viktor waited patiently for a few minutes before she came running in.

"What's wrong?" She asked. Viktor could barley see her peering from the doorway.

"Phone an ambulance! Quickly!" Viktor cried. He was full in crying by now. He couldn't stop himself. He was so worried. His boyfriend was lying unconscious and bleeding in his arms, what else was he supposed to do?

"What's happened?" She questioned and walked up to the side of the rink. She gasped when she saw Yuuri's bloodied body in Viktor's arms, and Viktor crying his eyes out. She didn't say anything but rushed back to her desk and quickly phoned the ambulance. A few minutes later, she rushed in with the phone and handed it to Viktor from the side of the rink. Apparently they wanted to know all the details. He couldn't understand their Japanese really well, despite having learned from Yuuri. Viktor just replied English and they passed him onto an English speaking call taker.

"May I have the name, age, location and situation please?" The woman asked him.

"Yuuri Katsuki, 23, Ice castle ice rink. I came in and I found him unconscious on the ice. I-I think he'd hit his head, its bleeding everywhere..." Viktor mumbed. The woman thanked him before proceeding to inform him that the ambulance would be there in a short amount of time. He thanked them before hanging up.

"Everything's going to be okay Yuuri, I promise, my love." He leaned down and kissed his head. Viktor could taste blood on his lips. He tightened his grip around Yuuri and sobbed into his chest. He prayed to any existing god for Yuuri to be okay. He sniffed before deciding it was probably best to take Yuuri out to the benches and remove his skates to make the paramedic's job easier.

He lifted the boy up in his arms and skated towards the entrance. He carefully stepped out and carried Yuuri and set him down on one of the benches. Viktor also sat down, and pulled Yuuri onto his lap. He made sure to be extra careful with him, like he could shatter at any moment. He removed his own skates along with Yuuri's before brushing Yuuri's hair back out of his face. 

Yuko came over and watched them both with a concerned look on her face. Viktor reached over and put his shoes back on. He tapped his foot impatiently against the cold floor, wishing the ambulance would hurry up. He made sure to whisper reassuring things to Yuuri, not sure whether he could hear him or not. Regardless, Viktor cared more about Yuuri than he had with any other person in his life, so he wanted to make absolutely sure that he was okay.

They heard sirens in the distance and both Yuko and Viktor immediately shot a glance at each other. Yuko ran outside and waited for the ambulance to pull up and rushed them inside. There were two paramedics in total, it was a relief to Viktor to have people who were skilled in the field of first aid around. He was glad that Yuuri was in safe hands. He relaxed slightly and felt a wave of relief wash over him.

Yuko answered their questions with Viktor's help- Viktor didn't really want to speak tot them because his Japanese was still weak but he was trying. They examined him and wrapped a thick bandage around his head. One of them left and came back with a stretcher, and Viktor knew for sure it wasn't looking good for Yuuri.

"What's going on?" Viktor asked, beginning to panic. Yuko walked over to him and gave him a concerned look.

"They need to take him in to get stitched up, and they want to try and get a CT scan done on him to make sure there's no brain damage or anyth-"

"Brain damage?" Viktor repeated. "Nononon-" 

Viktor turned away and bit his lip. He didn't want to cry again. He closed his eyes and let the tears burn his eyelids. He opened them a few seconds later and blinked them away. He couldn't afford to show emotions in front of everyone. He looked back at Yuko.

"Viktor, I promise you everything's going to be fine. They've said it's highly unlikely, but they want to rule it out as soon as possible. They've said he'll probably just have really bad concussion for a few days. Everything's going to be fine." Yuko tried her best to calm Viktor down. Viktor breathed out slowly and nodded. 

Everything was going to be fine.

Yuko was called over once again. Viktor turned his head at Yuuri who was all strapped in and ready to be put in the ambulance. Why hadn't he woken up yet? Was it that bad? Viktor couldn't help but panic. Yuko nodded at the paramedic before approaching Viktor again.

"They said they need one of us to go in the ambulance with him." She announced. Viktor would have jumped to the offer, but insisted that Yuko went instead of him. After all, Viktor couldn't speak Japanese fluently enough to be able to have a decent conversation. Yuko hesitantly agreed and followed as Yuuri's battered body was loaded into the ambulance. Yuko gave him a small wave before she hopped in and they quickly sped off to the hospital.

Viktor hung his head in shame. He was such a bad coach. He couldn't believe he'd let this happen to Yuuri of all people. Yuuri didn't deserve this. He deserved nothing less than the world, so why was luck never on his side? Viktor wanted to fight anything or anybody that got in his boyfriend's way. 

Viktor decided to make himself useful because he knew he needed to keep himself and distract himself from worrying about Yuuri all day. He'd overthink it all and worry himself sick. He grabbed the box of tissues from the counter and went to put on his skates. The went into the rink and onto the ice and began wiping all of the blood up. There was so much of it. It was all Yuuri's too, which made it harder for him. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Viktor wiped his forehead before gathering the masses of bloody tissues to chuck in the bin. He chucked them all in the one by the door, and wiped his hands.

He didn't know what to do now. For the first time in what felt like forever, Yuuri wasn't by his side. He wasn't close to him. He wanted him to be. He missed him already. He just prayed that he was okay. That's all that Viktor asked for. 

Viktor debated whether to give his free program from his last season a quick run through. He wanted to skate it to let all of his emotions out, but he knew it wouldn't feel right without Yuuri by his side. Since he'd met him at the banquet last year, it was Yuuri and Yuuri alone that he skated that program for. 

He was mad at himself for letting him fall so deeply in love with another person.

Viktor got up and left the ice rink. He put his ice skates back and just left. He couldn't handle it any longer. Nothing felt right without Yuuri by his side. He didn't Know where to go. Everywhere he looked, everything was just filled with memories of Yuuri. Viktor prayed to god that he was okay. He would never be able to live with himself if Yuuri ended up Being seriously injured.

Viktor shook his head. He couldn't think that way.  He sighed before setting off to the one place he knew would calm him down. 

The beach.

\------

The seagulls cries sounded more loud than ever as Viktor sat down on the rocks and stared out to the sea. Hasetsu was beautiful. The beach was gorgeous. But not as gorgeous as Yuuri. He'd been on his mind all day. Viktor didn't know how many hours he'd sat at the beach for just staring out to sea, but he didn't care. He was so torn up about Yuuri.

He'd been such an awful coach. Yakov would have never let that happen to any of his students. Neither would celestino. Viktor knew he was the one in the wrong here, and he wanted to slap himself for being so irresponsible and stupid.

Viktor just sat there and cried. He cried until his throat was raw. Until he had no tears left. Until his cheeks were stained with rivers of tears. He just let all of his built up emotions hit him like a tidal wave. He hated himself. He really did. He still couldn't believe what had happened. Viktor felt so so guilty and angry at himself.

Viktor had never met someone like Yuuri. From that day, Yuuri had Viktor hooked on him. He was head over heels for him and hopelessly in love with him, there was no denying it. Yuuri was one of a kind, and he wanted to hold onto him forever. He'd given him his heart, and Yuuri had given him his. He never ever wanted to let go of Yuuri. He was going to hold onto him for as long as his fate would let him.

Viktor's thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. His heart leaped out of his chest and he immediately fumbled around to answer it. He prayed to god that it was Yuuri. He took his phone out and frowned when he saw that it was in private caller. He hesitatingly pressed answer and put it to his ear.

"Who's speaking?" Viktor asked. There was a brief silence before the other person spoke up.

"V-Viktor?"

Viktor's heart stopped.

"Yuuri?"

••••••••••••


	21. Headaches

•••••••••

Viktor tapped his foot impatiently and chewed his lip as he waited for his name to be called. He sat in the waiting room, staring at the clock as the seconds ticked by. He grumbled quietly and cupped his face in his hands. He'd been waiting for around an hour. He was getting desperate. He was starting to get impatient. He absolutely hated hospitals.

He wanted to see Yuuri so so badly. He'd missed him so much and was desperate to hear that everything was going to be okay. The last time he'd seen him (which was a good few hours ago), he was all bloody and bruised in his arms. Viktor never wanted to see Yuuri in that state again. What had even happened anyway? Viktor obviously hadn't had the chance to ask Yuuri yet, but he hoped it wasn't anything serious. Viktor knew it was partly his fault for not keeping a closer eye on Yuuri, and he was beating himself up over it. They wouldn't have needed to come to the hospital if Viktor had done his job properly. What kind of coach was he? He was supposed to protect and support his skater, not make him end up in hospital.

"Viktor Nikiforov?" A small voice called. Viktor jumped out of his seat and looked down at the doctor who was stood by the door way. "Follow me."

Viktor gulped before nodding. He followed the doctor down a few corridors and his nerves grew. He passed Yuko on his way, who was leaving the hospital after being with Yuuri for the past few hours. They came to a stop at a row of rooms. Viktor knew that Yuuri was in one of them, and his heart was pounding furiously. They made their way down to the last but one door, and the doctor smiled at him before pushing the door open.

Viktor didn't waste any time in running into the room. The moment he saw Yuuri in the hospital bed he practically flung himself at him and pulled him into a massive hug. Yuuri was slightly baffled but hugged back regardless. He could feel Viktor's warm breath on his neck and it sent shivers down his spine. Viktor whispered a few words in Russian before pulling out of the hug. He looked at Yuuri with pitiful eyes before taking his hand and kissing it gently.

"How are you feeling?" Viktor asked Yuuri as he stroked his hand with his thumb. 

"Oh-uh... slightly better..." Yuuri smiled awkwardly. "I'm sorry for causing all of this trouble...."

Yuuri bit his lip and looked away from Viktor. He felt really guilty for thinking he could do something that was way off his limits, yet he felt like he'd failed Viktor. He didn't know what to do with himself. He was overflowing with emotions. Viktor just shook his head at Yuuri and placed a finger on Yuuri's lips.

"Yuuri, I promise you there's no need to apologise. It wasn't your fault. It was just a stupid accident, that's all. Accidents happen all the time, okay? Anyway, you're okay now and that's all that matters." Viktor reassured Yuuri and gave him a smile to prove it. Yuuri was about to speak when the doctor cleared his throat.

"English?" The doctor asked.

"Yes please." Viktor nodded.

"Okay, I'd like to discuss Yuuri's condition with you if that's okay with you, Mr. Nikiforov. First of all, what is your occupation with Yuuri ?" The doctor asked.

"I'm his boyf-coach. I'm his coach." Viktor stuttered. He wanted to slap himself. Yuuri could feel his cheeks heat up. Yuuri giggled to himself slightly. It was typical of Viktor to mess up like that. 

"Okay. Well, looking at the results of the head CT scan, luckily there are no fractures to the skull, or bleeds and damages to the brain." The doctor started. 

Viktor let out a huge breath and immediately turned his head back to Yuuri and kissed his forehead. He was so glad that he was okay. He brushed Yuuri's hair out of his face and smiled at him. He then turned his attention back to the doctor and grabbed Yuuri's hand again.

"However, Yuuri is showing signs and has symptoms of concussion. We did a few test with him earlier and I think it's safe to say that he is suffering from severe concussion. We'd like to keep him in overnight just to make sure that he's okay." 

Viktor looked over at Yuuri, who looked really anxious. He gave his hand a small squeeze and smiled at him. Poor Yuuri, he was under so much stress already. He didn't deserve this.

"When he be able to go back to skating?" Viktor asked the doctor.

"We strictly forbid Yuuri from training until he is fully recovered, otherwise his condition will get worse and he could end up with a more serious problem. He shouldn't engage in skating related activities or training for around 7 to 10 days. We'd like for you to come back in a week for us to assess Yuuri before he returns to training to make absolutely sure that he's okay to continue. I'll leave you two for now." He informed them before getting up and closing the door behind him.

"Well." Viktor said. 

"Mmm." Yuuri hummed in response.

"What am I going to do with you Yuuri?" Viktor smiled. "You make me worry so much about you."

Yuuri felt his heart sink. Had he really caused Viktor to worry? How could have he been so stupid? So selfish? He was an absolutely awful student. Why did he think that going to practice at 3am was a good idea anyway, especially after not sleeping for a few nights? He had pushed himself to his absolute limit, and he regretted it more than anything.

"Yuuri, why are you crying?" 

Yuuri snapped his head up to look at Viktor through the pools of tears in his eyes. He pushed his glasses up with the back of his hand and wiped his eyes and cheeks. 

"I-I'm sorry...." Yuuri choked out. He coughed and spluttered for a bit before burying his face in his hands and began sobbing. Viktor just stared at his Boyfriend with wide eyes. Why was Yuuri crying? What was he supposed to do? Viktor was absolutely awful at dealing with people crying in front of him but he was trying his best.

"Yuuri? Yuuri, what's wrong?" Viktor smoothed Yuuri's hair back. He then placed his hand on his shoulder gently.

"I-I feel really g-guilty for m-making you worry..." Yuuri sniffed. He rubbed his eyes before looking up at Viktor.

"Can I hug you?" Viktor asked Yuuri. Yuuri nodded and was immediately engulfed into a tight hug by Viktor. Yuuri clung onto Viktor for dear life as he sobbed into his shoulder. Viktor very gently stroked the back of Yuuri's head and gave him a quick kiss on his head. "Ты так много значишь для меня."

They stayed in each other's arms for awhile, enjoying each other's warmth. Yuuri calmed down and wiped his eyes before pulling out of the hug. He leaned back on his hospital bed and sighed.

"What does that mean?" Yuuri asked Viktor. Yuuri shut his eyes and tensed up when his head started pounding. He'd had a constant headache from the moment he'd woken up a few hours ago. He was going have to deal with this for at least a week. He didn't look forward to it at all.

"What does what mean?" Viktor looked at Yuuri blankly and with a confused expression plastered on his face.

"What you just said now." 

Viktor closed his eyes and giggled. Yuuri looked at him like a lost puppy. Why was Viktor Laughing? And why was he looking so smug?

"You want to learn some Russian, do you?" Viktor smiled. Yuuri grumbled. "'Ты так много значишь для меня'"is 'you mean so much to me' in Russian." 

Yuuri immediately started blushing like hell and turned away from Viktor. He sank down in his hospital bed and tried to hide his face. He was embarrassed. Why did he feel like he was being humiliated? Why did he feel like Viktor was lying to him? Yuuri was more than aware of the flirty and sweet things Viktor had said to him in the past, but he couldn't help but feel like there wasn't any truth in his words. After all, Viktor hadn't seen Yuuri at his worst and hopefully never would.

"C-can you pass me the glass of water from there for me please?" Yuuri asked and pointed towards the cabinet by his bed. Viktor handed it to him and Yuuri took a big gulp. 

"Are you feeling okay Yuuri?" Viktor asked with a hint of concern in his voice. Yuuri didn't look very well at all. He looked shattered. He hadn't looked very well over the past few days, come to think of it.

"My head's banging and I'm shattered." Yuuri mumbled. He handed the glass of water back to Viktor and he carefully placed it back where it was. Viktor looked at Yuuri with pity. Yuuri was going to have to deal with this for a week, and there was nothing they could do about it.

"You should get some sleep. It'll help." Viktor told him. Yuuri whined.

"But what about you? I can't leave you." Yuuri huffed.

"I'll sleep with you then." Viktor said. Yuuri huffed and moved to the side slightly so there was enough room for Viktor to get into his bed too. Viktor took his coat off and then lay down next to Yuuri. "Better?"

"Much better." Yuuri smiled to himself and curled up next to his boyfriend. Yuuri wished that his headaches would go away. He knew they were gonna last a long time but they would literally be the death of him if they didn't stop. It was his fault anyway. It was his fault for thinking he could do something that was way off his limits.

"Yuuri, what caused you to...You know... hit your head?" Viktor asked him. Yuuri tensed up. He knew that it would be asked sooner or later, and Yuuri had been contemplating all day whether to just blatantly lie to Viktor or to actually tell him the truth. Either way, he was fucked, so he'd decided to just push it to the back of him mind. Until now.

"I-I just slipped and hit my head..." Yuuri scratched the back of his head, careful not to accidentally catch one of his stitches. He looked away from Viktor, not daring to look into his eyes. He decided to just burry his face into Viktor's chest and wrap his arm around him to try and distract himself from the guilt. Viktor sighed. He started threading his fingers through Yuuri's hair but was cautious of the stitches on the left side of his head.

"Yuuri, I can tell you're lying." Viktor huffed. 

Yuuri shot his eyes open and felt his blood run cold. He hesitantly looked up to meet Viktor's eyes, and could see straight away that he was hurt. Yuuri immediately felt guilty about lying and looked away from Viktor, until he felt a cold finger pushing his chin up to look at his boyfriend. Yuuri gulped before sighing.

"I-I though I could try and do a q-quad flip... and I fucked it up." Yuuri huffed and buried his face into Viktor's neck this time. He felt embarrassed. Ashamed. Foolish.

Viktor meanwhile, was in a state of shock. His cheeks had turned bright red and his eyes were sparkling. Yuuri had tried to learn his signature move? Viktor felt like he was about to implode from his love for the boy, but restrained himself. For now.

"I j-just wanted to make you proud of me..." Yuuri mumbled. Viktor chewed the inside of his lip to stop himself from crying. He kissed the top of Yuuri's head and wrapped his arm around him ever so gently.

"Yuuri, there's no need to make me proud, I'm proud of you whatever you do. I always have been and always will be, okay? Dear god Yuuri, promise you won't do anything dangerous again unless I'm there. It could be a lot worse if it happens again. I was lucky I found you in time, if I hadn't you'd have- no, I don't even want to go there. Promise me, Yuuri? I don't ever want to lose you, my love." Viktor hugged Yuuri tightly.

"I promise." Yuuri whispered back.

They both lay in each other's arms, Viktor running his hands through Yuuri's hair until the boy was asleep. Viktor looked down at the sleeping beauty beside him. He never ever wanted to lose Yuuri. He was never going to let his boy go, not for the world. 

\------

Yuuri groaned as he rolled over in the hospital bed and opened his eyes slightly. He looked up and rubbed his eyes. He smiled when the saw Viktor looking down at him with sparkling eyes as he threaded his fingers through Yuuri's hair.

"Morning, my love." Viktor leaned down and pressed a kiss on Yuuri's forehead. Yuuri blushed and smiled back up at him. Viktor pulled Yuuri in for a small hug. Yuuri hugged back. 

They stayed there for a few minutes before Yuuri felt an overwhelming sense of sickness in his stomach. He squirmed around for a bit, trying desperately to get out of Viktor's arms to reach the bin. Viktor, being the obnoxious shit he was thought that Yuuri was playing around so he held him tighter.

"Mmmf! V-Viktor! Let me go!" Yuuri tried to pry the man off him, but Viktor had a dangerously tight grip. "I-I'm going to be sick!" 

Yuuri immediately scrambled out of Viktor's arms the moment he released him and ran over to the bin. He kneeled down in front of it and breathed heavily for a few seconds before throwing up. He could feel tears at the edge of his eyes. His throat felt like it was on fire. It was horrible. 

Viktor immediately leapt out of their bed and made his way over to Yuuri. He held his fringe out of his face and rubbed Yuuri's back. He reached for a tissue and handed one to Yuuri. He wiped his mouth before throwing it in the bin. Yuuri breathed heavily for a few seconds before taking time to calm down.

"D'you feel better?" Viktor questioned Yuuri. Yuuri nodded slightly. They stayed in the floor until Yuuri had calmed down before Yuuri slowly got up to his feet. He held onto Viktor for dear life. It felt like everything was spinning and his head was pounding. He shut his eyes for a few seconds and whimpered. He hated this. 

With Viktor's help, Yuuri slowly made his way back to his hospital bed and he quickly plopped himself down on the side. He massaged his head before reaching for the glass of water and taking a sip. He got back Into bed and curled up.

"Everything hurts." Yuuri complained. He wasn't exaggerating. His body felt like it had been dragged through the city and left there to rot. He was absolutely exhausted, despite having a good nights sleep for what felt like the first time in years. Still, a few mere hours wouldn't make up for a few days. Yuuri couldn't wait to get home. He just wanted to curl up in his bed and cry. "How are you still here anyway? I didn't think they let people stay overnight..."

Viktor chuckled.

"I can be very persuasive sometimes." He grinned. Yuuri shook his head and turned away from him. He only knew too well how persuasive Viktor could be. 

Both of them turned their heads as the door opened and the doctor came through it. He sat himself down in the sat by the door and smiled at Viktor and Yuuri.

"Yuuri, how are you feeling?" He asked to start off with.

"Uh- I feel dizzy..." Yuuri replied quietly. He began playing with his hands again. He was honestly super intimidated by any doctor he crossed paths with. He was scared of them, but then again, who wasn't Yuuri scared of?

"Mmm, that's what the effects are unfortunately, they're never very nice. Concussions are different for everyone." The doctor ran a hand through his hair. "Anyway, I came to tell you that you're free to go home now since your condition hasn't worsened. Please remember what I've told you about training, but other than that, I'll see you in a week." 

Both Yuuri and Viktor thanked him before he left the room. Yuuri pulled his phone out and called his father to ask him to pick them up from the hospital. He could hear his mother and Minako bombarding him with questions from the background. He just told then to wait until he was home before telling them everything. He hung up and huffed.

"How long is he going to be?" Viktor asked. Yuuri shrugged before curling up on the bed. Had be disappointed his family? What did they think of him now? Did they see him as a failure?

"Are you disappointed in me, Viktor?" 

Yuuri inhaled sharply before biting his lip. Why did he even say that? How had he let it slip out? Yuuri just buried his face into the pillows and acted like nothing happened. 

"Why would you think that?" Viktor asked, his voice full of hurt. "Yuuri, look at me please."

Yuuri cursed before sitting up and staring at Viktor. Viktor looked at Yuuri, desperate to find a justification to why he asked such a stupid question. Did Yuuri really think that Viktor thought like that?

"Yuuri, I will never ever be disappointed in you. You've changed my life, and I- I don't think I've ever been happier with someone. Yuuri, I am so so proud of you for everything you have and will achieve, you deserve the world. The only way I'd be slightly disappointed is if you gave up skating." Viktor cupped Yuuri's face in his hands and stared into Yuuri's eyes. Yuuri was on the verge of tears. Did Viktor really mean everything he said? Viktor was too good for him.

"I'm sorry." Yuuri whispered and bit his lip to stop himself from crying yet again.

"There's no need to be sorry, love. You mean the world to me and you deserve to know it." Viktor wiped Yuuri's tears away from his eyes. Viktor's heart broke for Yuuri. He couldn't believe someone as talented and beautiful as Yuuri had such little confidence in himself at times. Of course, his confidence had grown over the past few months, thanks to Viktor's help and support but they still had a long way to go till Yuuri was fully confident on and off the ice.

Yuuri whispered a quiet thank you before looking into Viktor's eyes. They were sparkling and full of life and love. Viktor's eyes never failed to take his breath away. He was so perfect.

Viktor gently brought Yuuri's face closer to his and kissed him on the lips. Yuuri kissed back and felt like he was on top of the world. This feeling he got when he kissed Viktor would never get old. The lingering taste of mint on his lips would never get old. Kissing Viktor would never cease to amaze him. 

Viktor, too, love the feeling of Yuuri's lips on his. They were so warm and soft, and it was just overall an amazing feeling to be kissing the person he'd had his eyes on for so long. The feeling would never get old. His love for Yuuri would never get old.

They both slowly pulled away from each other when Yuuri's phone buzzed. They didn't dare take their eyes off each other as they regained their breath. Yuuri fumbled around for his phone for a few seconds before opening the text from his father.

"W-we should get going..." Yuuri said. Viktor nodded and helped him out of bed. Yuuri stood still for a few seconds, the pounding in his head and the dizziness getting worse before dying down slightly. Viktor put his arm around Yuuri to support him after he'd put his coat on. Viktor scanned the room to make sure that they hadn't left anything before closing the door behind him. 

They slowly made their way down the corridors, Yuuri taking his time as the world spun around him. He felt overwhelmingly dizzy and faint, but knew that it was nothing serious, just the effects of concussion. He held onto Viktor for dear life. It took awhile, but they managed to make it to reception. Yuuri smiled at the receptionist and thanked her after signing out.

Yuuri opted for the ramp instead of the stairs as they made their way out of the building. The stairs were dodgy anyway, so he had no hope of going down safely. They eased their way down the ramp, but came to an abrupt stop when they saw a handful of reporters at the bottom, making their way towards them. Yuuri closed his eyes for a few seconds. He was exhausted and felt like he was going to pass out any second. When Yuuri saw the reporters making their way towards them, he grumbled.

"Tell them to fuck off for me please." Yuuri mumbled. He gripped onto Viktor tightly. Yuuri opened his eyes to be greeted with flashing lights and cameras. He winced at the lights, being sensitive to light because of his injury. He buried his head into Viktor's neck and whimpered.

"What happened?"

"How are you now?"

"Can you tell us the exact events

"Why are you here?"

Viktor grumbled and tried to make his way through them but they just pushed him back. He couldn't let them hurt Yuuri more than he'd already been hurt. He was slowly loosing his patience, and Viktor Nikiforov never lost his patience.

"We Will not be answering any questions now, getting Yuuri home safely is our top priority now, so please move." Viktor practically shoved the reporters to one side and helped Yuuri through them. Yuuri pointed at his father's car, which was parked literally right in front of them. They slowly made their way over and Viktor opened the door for Yuuri to climb in before Viktor slid in. 

Viktor slammed the door shut before turning to Yuuri

"Are you okay?" Viktor asked Yuuri, grabbing his hand.

"Yeah...I'm just tired." Yuuri rubbed his eyes. He shifted over to Viktor and placed his head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and huffed. He was interrupted by tapping on the window. His eyes shot open to see some reporters still trying to get information out of them. "Dad, can you drive off please? Run them over for all I care."

"Wow there." Viktor giggled and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend. They drove off, leaving the reporters empty of any answers. Yuuri smiled to himself. It was pretty funny to him. It was no time to laugh though, he felt like pure shit.

"How are you feeling, my boy?" Yuuri's father asked him.

"Awful." 

His father hummed in response and turned his attention back to driving. Yuuri closed his eyes and started to fall asleep on Viktor's shoulder. Viktor just smiled down at his boy and hugged him tighter. He was too precious. Viktor was going to have a hard job looking after him for the next week, he had no idea in hell how to look after other people.

The car journey wasn't too long luckily. Viktor enjoyed car rides. It gave him time to think and to observe everything around him. Hasetsu was such a beautiful city. He was lucky to have found himself in such a beautiful place.

The car came to a stop and Viktor looked down at Yuuri who was sleeping soundly on him. His light snores were like music to Viktor's ears. He didn't want to disturb his sleep so he got out of the car and carried Yuuri inside bridal style. He smiled down at him as he entered his house and was immediately bombarded with questions from his family. Viktor dismissed them and made his first priority was getting Yuuri to bed safely. 

He walked carefully into his bedroom and gently placed Yuuri down on his bed. Viktor decided to take him into his bedroom since Yuuri's was upstairs and he didn't want to risk dropping Yuuri and hurting him more. He gently removed Yuuri's glasses and placed them down on the bedside cabinet before smoothing his hair out of his face. He pulled the covers up around Yuuri before placing a kiss on his forehead. 

He was glad Yuuri was back home and safe. Everything was going alright so far and Viktor was relieved beyond words. Everything was okay. For now.

\------

Yuuri woke up with a groan. His head was still pounding. He turned over on his side and looked around his dull room. It had been three days since he'd come back from hospital, and he'd just slept for the most of it. He'd taken it upon himself to move back up to his room after taking Viktor's bed for the past days. He couldn't help it though. His bed was too comfy. It smelled of Viktor too, and Yuuri found it extremely calming.

Yuuri rolled over onto his back and stared at his ceiling. He hated this. He felt isolated and trapped. He desperately wanted to skate again, hell, the Cup of China was only a few weeks away and he was banned from practicing. He was going to fail so badly. All of his other competitors were working their asses off to perfect their programs, and he was stuck in bed with severe concussion. Why did he think he could pull off something so skilful? He was just stupid. 

It was 6:08am. The sun was going to rise soon. He wasn't ready for another day of doing absolutely nothing. He didn't want to be stuck in bed all day again. He needed to do something else other than lounging around. He slowly pushed himself off the mattress and reached for his glasses. He slid them on and huffed. He sat and rubbed his eyes for a few seconds. Would this headache ever go away? This was going to be the death of him.

He slowly got up and grabbed some clothes. He slowly put them on, careful not to slip or trip over anything. He held onto his wall for support because of the dizziness that was flooding over his body. It had gotten slightly less overwhelming over the past few days and he'd learned how to deal with it. He was glad that he could feel like his condition was improving, despite still feeling like pure shit. 

He knew what he was going to do was wrong. The doctor had strictly forbidden him from going back to training until he had fully recovered, but Yuuri was going to be eaten alive by his doubts and worries if he didn't do something. The only way Yuuri knew how to calm his emotions and let them out was skating, so that's what he was going to do. He steadied himself before leaning down and throwing his bag over his shoulder and making his way out of the door.

He grabbed onto the banister for dear life as he made his way down the stairs. He'd always had Viktor by his side to support him and to catch him when he fell, but this time Yuuri prayed to god that he was on his own because Viktor would slaughter him if he found out what he was doing. He managed to make it to the bottom of the stairs without falling over, and took a minute to catch his breath. 

He slowly made his way down the corridor, keeping a hand on the wall for support. He stopped in front of Viktor's room for a second. A part of him felt really guilty, but another part of him felt like it was for the best. He needed to do well in the cup of China or Viktor would go back to Russia. He couldn't let him down in his first major competition with him as his coach.

He huffed before continuing past Viktor's room. He didn't want to be caught. He trailed slowly down the corridor and walked through the living room. He made it to the front door and looked back before opening it. He felt so guilty, but it had to be done if he wanted to succeed this season. He had to take risks.

Yuuri turned around and was immediately knocked off his feet when he slammed into someone. He screwed his eyes shut and let out a yelp. He was knocked off balance and started falling backwards until he felt a strong arm around his waist. He slowly opened his eyes and was met with Viktor's piercing blue eyes. His blood ran cold.

"Where the hell d'you think you're going?"

••••••


End file.
